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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #75 - 25.01.2006 at 20:32:46
 

One night a burglar is trying to break into a house. He's sneaking across the lawn when he hears a voice - "Jesus is watching you!" He jumps, turns around, but he doesn't see anything. So he starts creeping across the lawn again. "Jesus is watching you!" He hears it again. So now the burglar is really looking around, and he sees a parrot in a cage by the side of the house. He says to the parrot, "Did you say that?" The parrot answers "Yes I did." So the burglar asks, "What's your name?" The parrot says "Clarence." The burglar says "What kind of stupid idiot would name his parrot Clarence?" The parrot laughs and says, "The same stupid idiot that named his Rottweiler 'Jesus'."
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Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. (neznan(a)
 
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #76 - 26.01.2006 at 15:12:39
 

Clovek je sumil, da ga zena vara.
Najame detektiva, ker pa nima denarja vzame najcenejsega, nekega Kitajca.
Naslednji dan dobi porocilo:

MOST HONORABLE SIR,
YOU LEAVE HOUSE. I WATCH HOUSE.
HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME.
I FALL OFF TREE.
I NOT SEE.

NO FEE,
CHEN LEE
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Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. (neznan(a)
 
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #77 - 02.02.2006 at 11:48:03
 
Mujo pride k Hasotu na obisk.
Po vecerji in prijetnem druzenju ga Haso povabi, da prespi pri njem,toda...
 "Kod Fate ne mozes da spavas, kod mene isto tako ne, jedino mozes da spavas kod bebe!", pravi Haso.
 "Pa necu da spavam kod bebe!" mu odvrne Mujo, "daj mi jastuk pa da legnem u kupatilo u banju, bice sasvim u redu!"
In tako se Mujo vleze v banjo in zaspi.
Drugi dan zgodaj zjutraj ga nekdo zbudi.
V kopalnico pride cudovito dekle z dolgimi crnimi lasmi in bujno postavo.
 "Zdravo", rece ona, "ja sam Beba!"
 "Zdravo," rece Mujo, "ja sam Idiot!"

iz enga mejla
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #78 - 03.02.2006 at 01:02:45
 

UGANKE

Kaj imata skupnega tašča in letalo DC 9?
Nobenega ne moreš dolgo poslušati.

Kakšna je razlika med ženo in teroristom ?
S teroristom se lahko pogajaš.

Zakaj zajec teče hitreje od lovskega psa?
Ker zajec teče za sebe, pes pa za gospodara.

Kako pravijo ljudožerci ljudem, ki tečejo?
Fast food.

Kaj je vloga propelerja na letalu?
Da hladi pilota.
Če ne verjamete, ustavite propeler in opazujte, kako se začne pilot potiti!

Kdo še žvižga za 50 let staro žensko?
Ekonom lonec.

Kaj dela štorklja ko stoji na eni nogi?
Drugo moli v zrak.

Kaj je 008?
James Bond 007 z Upgrade.

Kakšna je idealna šola?
Zaprta.

Kako pravimo človeku, ki je od jutra do večera v gostilni?
Natakar.
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Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. (neznan(a)
 
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #79 - 03.02.2006 at 10:23:25
 

Pred javno hišo pes naskakuje psico. Pri tem sta precej živahna
in tako padeta skozi kletno okno v klet. Dogajanje opazuje majhen
fantiček. Malo se obotavlja, nato pa stopi do vrat javne hiše in pozvoni.
Vrata odpre "ta glavna" javne hiše, fantek pa pravi:
"Teta kurba, vaša reklama je padla v klet!"
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #80 - 07.02.2006 at 20:56:54
 
Srbin bio ozenjen sa Jevrejkom i imali sina.
Jednog dana upita sin oca:
- "Tata jesam li ja Srbin ili Jevrej?"
- "Zasto!"
- "Jedan momak hoce da mi proda biciklo pa neznam dal da se cjenkam ili da mu ga otmem."
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #81 - 09.02.2006 at 14:18:39
 
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #82 - 09.02.2006 at 18:42:38
 
Za pusta hoče biti Janezkov oče Adam.
Pa ga pošlje v cvetličarno po figov list.
Ko se Janezek vrne z listom 10*10 cm, oče protestira: "To je čisto premajhno! Pa kam naj se skrijem? Bejž po novega!"
Pa prinese Janezek figov list 15*15. Oče pravi "Dej mi že prinesi list da se reče!"
In Janezek razloži cvetličarju vso zgodbo, ta pa poišče list 25*25.
Oče z njim še vedno ni zadovoljen.
Ko Janezek pride spet k cvetličarju po nov list, mu ta reče: "Daj reci fotru, da naj vrže jajca čez ramo, pa tiča naj da v gobec, pa bo potapljač!"

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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #83 - 10.02.2006 at 16:05:16
 

All things are relative...

President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit a Methodist Church outside of Washington as part of his campaign. Bush's campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop, and said to him "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on stem cell research and the like. We'd gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you'd say the President is a saint."

The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, "The Church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do it."

Bush pompously shows up looking especially smug and as the sermon progresses the Bishop begins his homily:

"George Bush is a petty politician, a self-absorbed hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, and a low-intelligence weasel. He steals elections. He politicizes science. He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself in a jet plane landing on a carrier posing before a banner stating 'Mission Accomplished.' He invaded a country for oil and money, and is using it to lie to the American people. He continues to blur the line between church and state. Cronyism and corruption are rampant in his administration. He is the worst example of a Methodist I've ever personally known. But compared to Dick Cheney and the rest of his cabinet, George Bush is a saint."
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #84 - 15.02.2006 at 00:40:16
 
Učiteljica prinese v razred dve steklenici in glisto. V eni steklenici ima vodo, v drugi pa alkohol. Glisto vrže v steklenico z vodo in ta v njej veselo zaplava. Nato vrže glisto v steklenico s šnopsom, glista divje zamiga in crkne.
Nato učiteljica vpraša učence, kaj se lahko iz tega naučimo?
Janezek veselo odvrne: "Pijmo alkohol, pa ne bomo imeli glist."


...
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #85 - 17.02.2006 at 12:46:24
 
Janezek se doma igra z avtobusom in pride do mize nato pa reče prasci in prasice prišli smo do postaje spizdite ven, to vse sliši mama in janezka pošlje v sobo za 3 ure.Ko so minile 3 ure se janezek spet igra z avtobusom in pride do mize in reče:dame in gospodje prišli smo do postaje prosim če lahko iztopite z avtobusa, za zamudo pa se zahvalite tej prasici v kuhinji !!!

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #86 - 17.02.2006 at 15:46:04
 

Se enmal prevodov v anglescino:

At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

Doctor's office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

On a poster in New York: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

In a Indian maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel room notice, Thailand: PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

Hotel brochure, Italy: THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel lobby, Romania: THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

Hotel, former Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan: YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Taken from a menu, Poland: SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION

Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

In an East African newspaper: A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Hotel, Vienna: IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

A laundry in Rome: LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Tourist agency, former Czechoslovakia: TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

In a Swiss mountain inn: SPECIAL TODAY: NO ICE-CREAM.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #87 - 20.02.2006 at 18:39:45
 

Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush face a firing squad in a small Central American country.

Bill Clinton is first placed against the wall and just before the order to shoot him is given, he yells, "Earthquake!"

The firing squad falls into a panic and Bill jumps over the wall and escapes in the confusion.

Al Gore is the second one placed against the wall. The squad is reassembled and Al ponders what his old boss has done.

Before the order to shoot is given, Al yells, "Tornado!" Again the squad fall apart and Al slips over the wall.

The last person, George W. Bush, is placed against the wall. He is thinking, "I see the pattern here, just scream out a disaster and hop over the wall."

As the firing squad is reassembled and the rifles are raised in his direction, he smirks and yells, "Fire!"
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #88 - 22.02.2006 at 15:49:29
 
Medved je praznoval rojstni dan in vsem živalim v gozdu razposlal
vabilo za praznovanje, v vabilu pa je pripisal, naj vsak prinese
dostojno darilo zanj.



V nasprotnem primeru bo vsakega, ki ne bo
prinesel dostojnega darila kaznoval tako, da ga bo s penisom petkrat
udaril po hrbtu.Lisica mu je prinesla glasbeni stolp, volk televizor,
zajček pa se je prikazal s korenčkom. Medved se je razjezil nad
neprimernim darilom, izvlekel thingy in petkrat udaril zajčka po
hrbtu. Ko je končal s kaznijo se je zajček zasmejal.
"Zakaj se pa tako neumno smeješ?" ga je vprašal medved.
"Vidim, da prihaja ježek, ki ti nese hruško!"

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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #89 - 22.02.2006 at 16:39:57
 

Grin

V pisarni se pogovarjata sodelavca, moški in bjonda:
Moški: "Uf, meni se ne da več! En teden dopusta bom vzel!"
Bjonda: "Kak ti bo pa to ratalo? Saj veš kak je naš šef glede dopusta."
Moški: "Poglej!" reče moški, spleza na omaro in se zahakla z nogami, tak,  da visi z glavo navzdol.
Ko pride šef v pisarno, ga začudeno pogleda in vpraša: "Čuj, kaj te ti  tam delaš??"
Moški: "Jaz sem luč!"
Šef: "Ma kaka luč!?!? Tebi se je ftrgalo, vzemi si en teden dopusta, da  prideš malo k sebi!"
Možakar spleza z omare in veselo odide domov, blondinka pa za njim.
"Kam pa ti greš?" vpraša šef.
Bjonda: "Domov, saj v temi ja ne morem delat!"
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Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. (neznan(a)
 
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