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veronika
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Še malo resničnega heca 6
15.06.2005 at 12:12:04
 
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
 
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #1 - 15.06.2005 at 12:13:47
 
Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...

Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

~Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

~Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any.

~Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

~Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...
Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

~Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations.

~Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better.

~Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

~Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

~Good girls love italian food...
Bad girls love italian waiters


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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #2 - 15.06.2005 at 15:25:38
 
Grin Grin Grin
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Nobena čarovnija ne more ničesar spremeniti v kaj drugega, tega ni; sprememba v predstavi v srcu čarovnije je spoznanje, ne ustvarjanje.&&(S. Palwick)
 
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #3 - 16.06.2005 at 08:54:50
 
Gre en tip iz Dupleka na Japonsko. Pa stopi na avtobusni postaji na
bus pa reče šoferu: eno karto do Tokija. Pa reče  šofer: ne gre , samo do
Maribora.OK. Pride na glavno avtobusno postajo pa reče tam na šalteru: eno karto do
Tokija. Pa reče oni : ne gre, samo do Ljubljane. Pride v ljubljano pa tam
reče da bi mel karto do Tokia pa reče ona: idi tam na kompasov šalter pa reči
tam. Gre pa tam reče, dobi karto za avion do Hamburga. V Hamburgu prestopi na
avion za Tokio.

     Porihta biznis v Tokiu pa se odloči da bo šel nazaj. Pa gre tam na  šalter
pa reče da bi mel karto do Dupleka. Oni tam tipka nekaj po računalniku pa
vpraša tipa : kaj do zgornjega ali spodnjega Dupleka????


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Joj kolk radi drug drugemu izdiramo iveri iz oči! Cheesy
 
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #4 - 20.06.2005 at 14:34:02
 
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean?
A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual _expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about trying to live a longer and healthier life.
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #5 - 22.06.2005 at 14:53:30
 
To sem dobil po mailu.

Prisrčni odgovori učencev drugega razreda OŠ:


Muslimanska Biblija se imenuje Kodak.

Papež živi v Vakuumu.

V Franciji so nekoč usmrtitev zločincev izvajali z želatino.

Pri nas se lahko moški poroči le z eno žensko. To imenujemo monotonija.

Pri nas ima vsak svojo sobo. Le očka ne, on mora vedno spati pri mamici.

Ribe se razmnožujejo tako, da valijo iskre.

Vrtni palčki imajo rdeče čepice zato, da se jih opazi pri košnji trave.

Moški se ne morejo poročiti z moškimi, ker se potem ne bi nihče mogel stlačiti v nevestino obleko.

Življenjsko zavarovanje je denar, ki ga dobi tisti, ki preživi smrtno nesrečo.

Moji starši kupujejo le recikliran toaletni papir, ker je bil že enkrat uporabljen in ne škoduje okolju.

Pravzaprav je posvojitev boljša možnost. Tako si lahko straši sami izberejo svoje otroke in jim ni treba vzeti prav tistega, ki ga dobijo.

Adam in Eva sta živela v Parizu.

Med tednom Bog živi v nebesih. Le ob nedeljah pride v cerkev.

Severni pol se obrača v nasprotni smeri od južnega.

Krave ne smejo teči hitro, da ne razlijejo mleka.

Deževniki ne grizejo, saj imajo spredaj in zadaj rep.

Breskev je kot jabolko s tepihom.

Če jemo bolane krave, dobimo ISDN.


Ribje paličice so že dolgo mrtve. Ne morejo več plavati.

Nisem krščen, sem pa zato cepljen.

Potem ko so ljudje nehali biti opice, so postali Egipčani.

Vlak je ustavil s cvilečimi zavorami in potniki so se izpraznili na peron.

Ves svet je postal pozoren, ko je Luther 1517 izobesil svojih 95 protez na cerkvena vrata v Wittenbergu.

Pomlad je prvi letni čas. Spomladi kokoši valijo jajca, kmetje pa krompir.

Stric je prašiča pripeljal v skedenj in ga z dedkom enostavno zaklal.

Pred 8 dnevi se je očetu na glavo usedel krotek lišček. Ta je bil ravno na poti v službo.

Moja teta je imela tako močne bolečine v sklepih, da je roke komaj lahko dvignila nad glavo. Z nogami je imela prav take težave.

Umetnostna drsalka je izvedla svojo pirueto, ob tem pa so ji lastni vetrovi dvignili krilo.

Krog je okrogel kvadrat.

Zemlja se vrti 365 dni vsako leto. Vsako leto za to potrebuje en dan več in to se obračuna v februarju. Zakaj tako, ne vem. Mogoče zato, ker je v februarju vedno tako mraz in gre malo bolj na trdo.

Moja sestra je zelo bolna. Vsak dan vzame eno tabletko. Ampak to naredi naskrivaj, da si moji starši ne bi delali skrbi.

Ena najbolj koristnih živali je prašič. Od njega lahko uporabimo vse, meso od spredaj do zadaj, kožo za usnje, ščetine za ščetke in ime za žaljivko.

Veliko psov ima rado vodo. Nekateri v vodi celo živijo, to so morski psi.

Vse ribe izlegajo jajčeca. Ruske celo kaviar.

Živalski vrt je super. Tam lahko vidiš živali, ki sploh ne obstajajo.


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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #6 - 22.06.2005 at 19:05:47
 

D`Legenda !!   Grin  8)

mali so face
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #7 - 23.06.2005 at 20:43:24
 
Gresta mož in žena na sejem, kjer so med drugim razkazovali tudi bike.
Ko se sprehajata in prideta do prvega bika, prebere žena na tabli na ogradi:
"Ta bik se je v enem letu paril 50 krat" Obrne se k možu in mu reče:
"Petdesetkrat! Ti bi se lahko kaj naučil od te živali ..."
Gresta naprej in ob ograji drugega bika piše:
"Ta bik se je letos paril 70 krat."
Reče žena možu:
"No, od tega bika bi se lahko še več naučil!"
Odideta naprej in prideta do ograje s tretjim bikom. Žena prebere,da
se je ta bik paril 365 krat v letu. Reče možu: "365 krat!!! To je
enkrat na dan!
Tale bik bi ti moral biti za vzor!! Vsak dan!"
Možu prekipi in ji reče: "Poglej, če slučajno piše, če je vsakič fukal isto kravo!!
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Če bi tisti, ki me obrekujejo, natančno vedeli, kaj si o njih mislim, bi me še mnogo bolj obrekovali.
 
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #8 - 23.06.2005 at 22:03:16
 
Pismo ...... turistični agenciji (resnično)



Sem jebeni potnik iz ove destinacije matr vam turistično ........ gospa šefica za egipt, sorry šarm el šejk hvala za tak dopust,

1. adria zamujala na brniku skor 3 ure, baje smo eakal va3ga vodiea ker je mel izpit na faxsu, matr vam študentsko

2.v avionu ni piva mrzuga, jebe jih baje hladilnik...

3. stevardesa neprijazna, sem čaku na wiski 45 min., baje zarad turbolence, boli me za to pa naj tablet uzame al pa doma ustane...nešolana

4. v šarmu vroče ko svina, to ni men na šalterju noben reku, matr vam nešolano,

5. hotel oz. meven pik jajca bi reku lahko temu, recepcija mrzla od klime da je 3ena prec vzela coldrex (upam da veste kaj je to , matr vam nešolano), pol mi je v recepciji en črn v smešni uniformi hotu spizdit vse kufre, matr vam arabsko. Sem ga prec prtegnu ko vola, mene nebojo jebale kamele.

6. sobo smo čakal 3 ure, ker so popravljal wc, ker so ga eni angleži demuleral, jebem jim kralico neutesanci pegasti

7.spal smo slabo ker je žena skoz kašlala zarad jebene klime u sob, pol sem jo ugasnu pa smo se zbudl vsi zabuhli ker je blo 42c v sob, matr vam klimaško.

8. sem šou v recepcijo in jim jebu arafata, pa so mi pol ponujal neke suite, boli me za slašice ker jih ne jem...

9. zajtk u kurcu ene baklave ne znajo narest, kava za prašiče, vodo sam za drisko poplahnt,....

10. bazen u kurcu totalno, nepravilne oblike neveš kje bi šou sploh not v vodo, povhn klora, sem mel usta ko malancani zvečer, žene nebi umenju ker ni šla iz sobe 2 dni zarad kože razžrte, matr vam klorerano

11. na bazenu je skoz en zanam hodu z brisačam, pol smo se mal stepl pa je nehu, matr vam žeparsko al kaj je že bil on....

12. plažo smo najdl po 3. dneh, a neznate dat kakšno mapo zraven vuherja, ker jest se nebom jebu dol z arafati k neznajo ne jezikov svetovnih, matr vam nešolano

13. vodiča nismo vidl 2 dni, baje je ene pičke lovil, matr vam kurbersko

14. uturavate izlete po vroči mivki, da sem fasu opekline na potplatih, ker je jebena žena pozabla papuče u fužinah u lubljan, še premal jo je klor zjebu, matr ji pozablivo

15. potaplu sem se na koralah in urezu u roko, a nezna noben povedat,da so ostre ko svina, una na šalterju jih bo še dubla po pički, loh ga tud faše......

16. na večerji smo se skor zastrupl, žena pa zadavla z nekimi škampi al kva je to ,a neznajo povedat prej, da se je samo repke ne pa celo žvau.

17. zadn dan sem zvedu da smo mel olinkluziv, hvala , smo pa pijačo kupval u trgovin hotelski, draga ko svina, sploh wiski,

18. avion za dam spet zamudu ko svina, baje zarad vremena nad grčijo, pizda pilotova a nezna ukol grčije do nas, matr vam nešolano, sam stevardese bi nažigal.......

19.u avion ista štala spet topu pir, grde stevardese, wiski zmankal,matr vam pijano.....

pero zahouvič
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Lahko pa da se tudi motim ...

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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #9 - 24.06.2005 at 11:57:25
 
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals.

During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.

"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.

"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.

"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"

"No sir, our mother."

"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"

"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best as she could."
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #10 - 01.07.2005 at 15:33:06
 
10 Reasons To Go To Work Naked....

10. No one ever steals your chair.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

8. Diverts attention from the fact
that you also came to work drunk.

7. People stop stealing your pens after
they've seen where you keep them.

6. You want to see if it's like the dream.

5. To stop those creepy programmer
guys from looking down your blouse.

4. "I'd love to chip in...
but I left my wallet in my pants."

3. Inventive way to finally meet that
'special' person in Human Resources.

2. Can take advantage of your computer
monitor radiation to work on your tan.

And...drum roll...
the Number One reason to go to work naked :

Your boss will never say,
"I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!" ever again.
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #11 - 22.07.2005 at 10:49:07
 
Črnec in Bosanec se pogovarjata o dolžini svojih organov.

"Moj je dolg 35" pravi Črnec

"Moj pa ima 36, 5" trdi Bosanec.

Ajde  da preveriva to. Črnec vzame orodje, preveri na licu mesta in izmeri 35 cm. Bosanec vzame orodje in izmeri 15 cm.

Črnec se mu smeji: "Ja s čim si pa ti zmeril 36,5?"

" S termometrom" pravi Bosanec.
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #12 - 22.07.2005 at 11:00:49
 
Tovornjakar ustavi prostitutki in jo vpraša:

"Kaj narediš za 50 evrov?"

"Vse, kar hočeš."

"Odlično. Pomagala mi boš razložiti tri tone cementa."
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #13 - 29.07.2005 at 14:51:09
 
New Words for 2000
BLAMESTORMING:
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER:
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT:
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.

CUBE FARM:
An office filled with cubicles.

IDEA HAMSTERS:
People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

MOUSE POTATO:
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

TOURISTS:
People who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. "We had three serious workers in the office; the rest were just tourists."

XEROX SUBSIDY:
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:
The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ASSMOSIS:
The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

FLIGHT RISK:
Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

UNINSTALLED:
Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(Syn:decruitment.)

CLM (Career Limiting Move):
Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM.

Grin
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Joj kolk radi drug drugemu izdiramo iveri iz oči! Cheesy
 
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Re: Še malo resničnega heca 6
Reply #14 - 29.07.2005 at 15:05:16
 
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Joj kolk radi drug drugemu izdiramo iveri iz oči! Cheesy
 
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