Poslanec Anderlic obisce tovarno Titan v Kamniku.
Ustavi se pri delavcu in ga vprasa:
"Koliko vijakov izdelate vi na uro?"
"Pet, g. Anderlic," mu odvrne delavec.
"Pet?" je vidno razocaran Anderlic.
"Jaz bi jih zagotovo naredil najmanj 30," doda.
Delavec pa: "Seveda bi jih, vi ste kljucavnicar, jaz pa sem diplomiran ekonomist."

en vic priso na mejl, vic "za nas"  


>
> Tip je doživel brodolom in se je znašel na pustem otoku. Minevali so dnevi
> in meseci. Dojel je, da ga nihče ne bo rešil.
>
> Začel je graditi nekakšno kolibo in ko je končal, je globoko zaspal. Ko se
> je zjutraj prebudil, je nad njim stala plavolasa ženska, prsata, vitka ...
> Ona mu reče: "Pridi k meni, sem na drugi strani otoka."
> Prišla sta k njej in on vidi: velika hiša, vse urejeno.
>
> Vpraša jo, odkod ji vse to. "Pa vse to sem pobrala z ladje, preden seje
> potopila."
> Gresta notri, ona ga dobro nahrani.
>
> Rekla mu je, naj se stušira, ker ona ima tudi toplo vodo, bojler na
> generator. On se stušira, pride ven, ženska sname modrček, pa hlačke in mu
> reče:
> Sedaj pa ti bom dala tisto, kar čakas ze šest mesecev.
> Tip pa ji reče:
>
>
> "Pa ne me jebat, da imaš tudi internet."
>

Zgodba o koali in martinčku


Koala sedi na drevesu in mimo pride martinček.
"Hej, koala! Kaj delaš?"

Koala pravi: "Kadim đoint, prid gor in probi."

In res, martinček pride gor in skupaj jih skadita še nekaj.

Čez nekaj časa martinček postane žejen.
“Grem do reke, kjer se bom pošteno napil” reče martinček!

Ker pa je bil mali martinček zadet kot majmun,
se je preveč nagnil nad vodo in padel noter.

Vse to vidi krokodil, se nemudoma požene za martinčkom
in ga reši iz vode: "Pa kaj, hudiča, je narobe s tabo?"

Martinček mu razloži, da sta s koalo skadila par đointov,
pa je postal žejen in se je odpravil k reki pit.
Naprej pa je krokodil že poznal zgodbo.

Krokodil se odloči, da gre pogledat do koale v deževni gozd,
kjer koala ravno dela zadnje dime vnovičnega đointa…

Krokodil zavpije: “Hej, ti!”

Koala pogleda z drevesa in začudeno vzklikne:

"Fak, stari!!!!! …… Kolk vode si pa ti spil?!!"


D'best!

ARS

Ulazi Skot u ducan:

"Molim, dajte mi cetvrt kg crnog kruha...
I ako vam nije tesko, zamotajte ga u danasnje novine."
________________________________

...i onda se ja bacim na lava i odrezem mu rep - hvali se lovac medju prijateljima.
Rep? Valjda glavu? - upita netko.
Ma ne, glavu je vec netko bio odnio.
________________________________

Dosao Mujo na stanicu i trazi: "Daj mi povratnu kartu."
"Dokle?"
"Pa do ovdje, sto mislis!"
________________________________

Vozi Mujo auto i zaustavi ga policajac. "Vase dokumente!".
Mujo drekne: "Vau-Vau!"
Uplasi se policajac i ustukne.
A Mujo ce: "Ne boj se, vezan sam!"
________________________________

Sjede dva kruha na balkonu i drobe.
________________________________

Juri policajac cigu i vikne: - Stani! Stani!
A cigo ce: - Stani ti, tebe nitko ne ganja!
________________________________

Zaustavio policajac Muju.
- Dobar dan! Dajte mi vasu vozacku dozvolu.
- Necu! Polaži k'o i ja, pa ces je dobiti!
________________________________

Dobio Huso blizance, odnese ih kuci, a susjed pita - Jesu jednojajcani ili dvojajcani?
- Ovaj je dvojajcani, a ovo je cura, kaze Huso.
________________________________

Ulazi Hercegovac u autobus i pita konduktera: - Placa li se za cvijece?
- Ne placa - rece kondukter, a Hercegovac se okrene van i kaze:
- Ruzo, ulazi!
________________________________

Pita policajac vozaca: "Sto imate od zimske opreme?".
Vozac: "Duge gace".
________________________________

Kako je Crnogorac postao lijen?
Rekao mu Bosanac:"Sjed' bolan, da ti nesto objasnim."
________________________________

Odlucili Mujo i Haso staru nanu dat u staracki dom.
Odveli nanu u elitni staracki dom. Vrhunska posluga, njega. Sve TIP - TOP.
Nahrane oni tako nanu, posjednu je u kolica, kad se nana nagne u desno.
No odmah skoci bolnicar i izpravi je da ne padne.
Nakon par minuta nana se pocne naginjat na lijevo,
kad opet skoci bolnicar u strahu da ne padne iz kolica i izravna je.

Nakon tjedan dana dolaze Mujo i Haso nani u posjet. Mujo je izljubi i upita:
- "I, nano, kako ti je ovde ? Kako se osjecas?"
- "Masala sinko, vala sve je dobro. Em me operu, nahrane, oblace, njeguju ...
Al' mater im glupu, nije mi jasno sto mi vec sedmicu dana ne dadnu da prdnem?!?!"

A first grade teacher, Mrs. Brooks was having trouble with one of her students.

The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"
Johnny answered, "I am too smart for the first Grade. My sister is in the third
grade and I am smarter than she is! I think I should be in third grade too."
Mrs. Brooks had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's office.
While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was.

The principal told Mrs. Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer
any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. She agreed.
Johnny was brought in and the conditions explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Johnny: "9."
Principal: "What is 7 x 6 ?"
Johnny: "42."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grade should know.
The principal looks at Mrs. Brooks and tells her, "I think Johnny can go to the third grade."

Mrs. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him, some questions?"
The principal and Johnny both agree.

Mrs. Brooks: "What does a cow have four of that I have only 2 of?
Johnny, after a moment "Legs."

Mrs. Brooks: What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Johnny: "Pockets."

Mrs. Brooks: "What starts with C and ends with T, is hairy, oval and delicious and contains a whitish liquid?"
Johnny: "Coconut."

Mrs. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Johnny takes charge.....
Johnny: "Bubblegum."

Mrs. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on 3 legs?"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer.....
Johnny: "Shake hands."

Mrs. Brooks: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' questions, okay?"

Mrs. Brooks: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."
Johnny: "Tent."

Mrs. Brooks: "A finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first."
The principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
Johnny: "Wedding Ring."

Mrs. Brooks: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver?"
Johnny; "Arrow."

Mrs. Brooks: "What word starts with F and ends in K and means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Johnny: "Fire-truck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send Johnny to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"

Dear Colleagues,

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally, and by hand.

This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).
If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else by any means DO NOT TOUCH IT.
This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK put on your jacket and take two good friends to the nearest bar.
Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) or
Bothersome-Employer-Eliminator-Rebooter (BEER).
Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should forward this warning to 5 friends.
If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Poruka

Bio Englez u Bosni u Misiji. Kada se vratio u svoju dragu domovinu, dosli mu prijatelji na caj u pet popodne.

Izmedju ostalih pitanja o navikama ljudi iz Bosne, upitali su ga da li tamo u Bosni ljudi piju caj i koje vrste caja.
Englez iz Misije im je odgovorio da Bosanci takodjer piju caj, samo ne u pet popodne, nego kad god im to padne na um.
I dalje je razgovor tekao ovako:

"I have tried all kinds of tea there: camomile tea, linden tea, fruit tea, but there is one kind of tea that Bosnian people drink very often and
they mention it almost every minute, but I never managed to find it, to try it..."

"What is the name of that famous Bosnian tea? Do you remember?"

"Oh, yes of course. It is called: "Yebo ga tea!"