Včeraj zvečer sva z ženo sedela na kavču in se pogovarjala o življenju.
Pogovor je nanesel tudi na pomen dignitete človeškega  življenja.
Jaz sem ji rekel: "Draga, če se meni kdaj zgodi, da bi bil v stanju
vegetiranja, odvisen od aparatov in tekočin, prosim odklopi vse
stvari, ki me držijo pri  življenju."

Ko sem to izrekel, je žena vstala, izklopila TV in mi vzela pivo...

The Diet

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and
spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man
and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and
Magnums. And Satan said "You want hot fudge with that? And Man
said "Yes!" And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips".
And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure
that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat
and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from
size 12 to size 14. So God said "Try my fresh green salad". And Satan
presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in
which to cook them". And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king
prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it
needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin
and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal
fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose
those extra pounds. And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote
control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man
and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started
wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double
cheeseburger. Then Satan said "You want fries with that?" and Man replied
"Yes, And super size 'em". And Satan said "It is good." And Man and Woman
went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed......... and created quadruple by-pass surgery. And then........
Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service!

THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final
word on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Mali Haso začne v Ljubljani hoditi v prvi razred.
Domov nosi same petice in konča razred z odliko. Tako tudi vsa naslednja leta.
Ker je daleč najboljši učenec na šoli, se vodstvo šole in občine odloči,
da ga nagradijo s slovenskim državljanstvom in mu ime spremenijo v Janez.

Ves ponosen pride domov in pove očetu Mujotu:
“Jaz nisem več Bosanec Haso. Dali so mi slovensko državljanstvo in ime.
Sedaj sem Slovenec in ime mi je Janez.”

Mujo ponori in ga začne mlatiti kot vola.
Hasotu-Janezu med jokom uspe pobegniti. Na cesti sreča sošolca.
“Kaj pa se ti je zgodilo?” je ta začuden.
“Ah, zdaj vas pa razumem. Komaj eno uro sem Slovenec, pa že imam probleme s čefurji!”

An Israeli recently arrives at London 's Heathrow airport.

As he fills out a form, the customs officer asks him: "Occupation?"

The Israeli promptly replies: "No, just visiting!"

Eden za danes:

Slovenisti so imeli simpozij v Portorožu in so se prepirali o jezikovnih pravilih. Nikakor se niso mogli dogovoriti kako se opiše deževno vreme.
Dež pada! je trdil prvi
Ne, ne, cenjeni kolega, reèe se 'Dežuje', je vztrajal drugi.
Dež gre, je predlagal tretji
Vztrajam pri 'Dež pada'!
Dež gre.
Dežuje!
Dež pada!
Dež gre ... dežuje .. .pada
Tako so se kregali pozno v noč. Ker se niso mogli dogovoriti so sklenili, da za tisti večer končajo.
Stopijo iz hotela in vsi v en glas vzkliknejo:  
Mater ščije!

Been around but still good. Admirable attitude.


After every flight, Qantas Airways' pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with (P); and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

FYI: Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
********************************************************************************
*****
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.


P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.


P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.


P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.


P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.


P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.


P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.


P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.


P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.


P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.


P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.


P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.


P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel, sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Za Ljubljano znaša neto urni zaslužek 4,5 dolarja, najvišji pa je v Zürichu,
kjer znaša 19,5 dolarja, v Ženevi je 18,2, v Oslu pa 17,4 dolarja, kar
pomeni, da so prebivalci Züricha v povprecju na uro vec kot 4,3-krat bolje
placani kot Ljubljancani. Vendar to so Švicarji in Skandinavci, si recemo,
ce bi se primerjali z drugimi Evropejci, pa bi bilo drugace.

Žal ni tako. Povprecni neto urni zaslužek zaposlenega v Berlinu znaša 12,9
dolarja, na Dunaju 12,8, v Madridu 10,1, Atenah 7,6 ter Lizboni 6,1 dolarja.
Naša neto placa zaostaja torej tudi za placo zaposlenega v grškem glavnem
mestu za debelih 68 odstotkov. Da bi torej neto placa povprecnega
Ljubljancana v desetih letih dosegla atensko, potrebujemo rast plac, ki za
vec kot pet odstotnih tock na leto presega rast place v Atenah.


Mogoce je vzrok za nizke place manj delovnih ur ter vec dopusta, kot trdijo
delodajalci v Sloveniji? Žal ne. V Sloveniji naredimo 1.756 delovnih ur na
leto, v Berlinu pa le 1.611, na Dunaju 1.649, v Lizboni
1.708 ter Madridu 1.724.

V cem je torej problem?

Quote:


da smo še kr tu


X wrote on 07.10.2006 at 10:54:53:


ROTFLOL se že od včerej smejem!