ixtlan, tega pa ne razumem, zakaj praviš, da so bisexualci na poti, da si priznajo, da so homo, ker, če so BI, potem so itak na poti, da si priznajo, da so tudi hetero. anyway ... v nadaljevanju prilepljen copy/pase mogoče tut ne paše sem, sam se mi je zdel zanimiv ... pa sorry ker je ang.
Many couples today explore polyamory and swinging. Ever-increasing
droves of people flock to conferences, new clubs, websites,
private "lifestyle" and "playcouple" activities all over the world.
Most paired-up people who swing or love in a polyamorous triad or
moresome enhance their erotic and romantic connection with each
other. Some couples, however, seek the lifestyle for the wrong
reason–to fix their dysfunctional relationships. In such couples,
rather than improve their sour relating, polyamory or swapping may
trigger breakups. But most pairs who sample polyamory or the
lifestyle deepen their love and intimacy with each other when they
love others.
Genetic tests show most humans' actual behavior is not sexually
exclusive with monogamous mates. Our sexual behavior resembles that
of our genetically closest primate, the chimp-like Bonobos. Like
Bonobos, we couple with multiple partners, though unlike Bonobos,
who openly copulate in front of their sexual partners, humans more
often hide their non-monogamous coupling from sight and knowledge of
their mates. Such hiding reduces the intimacy of relating between
the cheater and his or her mate.
Most humans are actually covertly polysexual (more than one sexual
partner), while only some, albeit a swelling number, are overtly
polyamorous (one than one love in their life).
Most of us keep loving lovers even after we or they end our sexual
connection. I love everyone I've ever loved and most people who come
to me for therapy continue loving those they've loved in their lives.
Our hearts open and we love those we make love with, especially if
we regularly enjoy sex with them. We fall in love with people with
whom we share sex. We humans--male or female--develop affection,
warmth, desire to enjoy one another time and again when we make love
over and over with each other. We naturally bond. We love.
Society's realizing the falseness of old beliefs, beliefs like the
belief that most of us are faithfully monogamous or the belief that
you can have sex without becoming fond of your lovers. Instead, as
the growing polyamorous and lifestyle couples attest, We all have a
huge capacity to love and enjoy sex. Many of us are more than able
to love many and have tons of sex at the same time. I learned by
making love with others while I'm still in love with my husband that
I'm ever more turned-on to lovemaking.
Many people nowadays stop connecting sexually with their spouses.
I'm a counselor. At least ten times a week couples complain they
don't make love anymore. Why? Do we simply get bored with one
another? Are we angry? Resentful? I know from my own past and the
experiences of those I counsel, that partners who still live
together but don't connect sexually with each other still love each
other. They panic when they consider leaving no-sex spouses who used
to make love with them, because they still love them. They're
friends, comfortable with one another. They mix finances and perhaps
raise children together. They know and love each other's relatives;
they share friends and interests together. They don't want to lose
what they've built. They don't want to sell their homes, divide
their holdings. So many reasons to stay together, crazy to part just
because they stopped sharing sex with each other or because they
love others.
Counseling helps non-sexual couples open to sex with each other
again. Tantra can also help rekindle their desire; I highly
recommend it. But what really enthuses a couple to juicy sex with
each other is swinging or polyamory. Couples return home to each
other, turned-on from their erotic encounters with others and screw
each other's brains out for days. When they f*ck like minks,
chemicals flow, they feel close and feel again in love with each
other.
II used to be on the polyamory-only bandwagon. But after intensely
studying the swinger movement for the past nine years, I see they're
onto something. A strange piece of ass, watching your partner with
someone else, touching two or three people at the same time, doing
more than one at a time, breaking taboos, or stretching beyond your
own boundaries turns people on.
Sure, there's jealousy. That's also human nature. We can use, then
get over jealousy. Hang in there with your jealousy, ride it,
experience it, feel it, talk it out and never make yourself or your
lovers wrong about their feelings and soon you laugh seek sexual
adventures together. Like explorers, or hunters on the prowl,
together you'll discuss who's attractive, what's attractive and
actually be able to act on attractions if you chose.
I suggest couples trying polyamory or swinging stay together as they
explore other loves. That's what works the best for us. If you're at
all insecure, it can be harder for you to relax when your partner
goes offstage with another lover, easier if you all share loving in
each others' view and, even better, co-participate. Couples who
watch and share each others' excitement build ever-more desire for
each other.
Swinging may be too far out for some of us. Living together with
more than one mate may be just as far out for others. A few couples
whom we see regularly is the poly lifestyle that works best for Sash
and me. I like getting to know new lovers on a very deep level and
can do this living separately. Living with anyone but Sasha is hard
for me; I get anxious with too many people around all the time. I'm
a private person, need privacy, peace and quiet. So living apart and
loving together now and again is fine with me.
Of course there's a time for many to be monogamous for parts of
their lives. I've done it and enjoyed it–for awhile. Though some
folks are even happily monogamous all their lives, few love and want
sex only with one person their entire lives. We may be mono (one),
amorous (loving) part our lives. But cultural conditioning makes
many of us continue monogamously despite the death of sex in the
monogamous relationship and despite the fact that we have non-
monogamous fantasies, desires and affairs. I have friends who fear
losing face if peers knew they considered multi-lover intimacy.
However, if we humans are truthful, at least to ourselves in our own
hearts, we are going to have to admit, one and all, that we have
feelings and attractions for many, many people in the course of our
lives. And when we get to that point, where we're real with
ourselves, than perhaps we can begin to forgive those who do what we
dare not, and quit being so sanctimonious. Instead of shaming our
politicians and celebrities, realize human nature. Bill and Hillary
Clinton are probably in an open marriage. Bill just got careless.
If they could talk truth, we'd progress light years.
Using modern DNA testing, we found 99.9% of all the species are non-
monogamous. Our genetic cousins, the Bonobos practice polyamory,
swinging and bisexual sex. We're similar. Hospitals using DNA tests
find many a dad on the birth certificate isn't the biological father.
Polyamory's a high spiritual practice. So's swinging. One swing club
in Northern Washington State has a Goddess Ritual where a woman
takes on all comers. She seats herself on a swing chair with an
endless supply of condoms and the men line up out the door. Some
women have been known take on 40 or 50 men during this ritual. She
ends up in an enlightened, altered state of consciousness.
Besides being a high spiritual practice and very sexy, being
polyamory and couple playing are fun. Cut lose and play as you might
have when you were a kid playing outside on a hot Summer eve. When
you're all careful about STD's and respectful, honest, courteous,
kind, loving and playful with one another, you can make love in a
puppy puddle with the same abandon you had when you were little
playing football, wrestling or King of the Mountain. Poly's fun.
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