Pa dejmo tele kar k mami in atu ...  

Why We Love Children

A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.
'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.
'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move'.

**************************

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later.....'Da-ad....'
'What?'
'I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?'
'No, You had your chance. Lights out.'
Five minutes later: 'Da-aaaad.....'
'WHAT?'
'I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??'
' I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!'
Five minutes later......'Daaaa-aaaad.....'
'WHAT!'
'When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?'

**************************

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him 'How do you expect to get into Heaven?'

The boy thought it over and said,
'Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!''

**************************

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about
to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,
'Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?'
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
'The big sissy.'

**************************

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
as she sat down, the minister leaned over and said,
'That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?'
The little girl replied, directly into the minister's clip-on microphone,
'Yes, and my Mum says it's a bitch to iron.'

**************************

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, 'Mummy, you are getting fat!'
I replied, 'Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy.'
'I know,' she replied, but what's growing in your bum?'

**************************

A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, 'Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....'

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 'What are you doing?'

The little boy answered, 'I'm doing my math homework, Mum.'

'And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?' the mother asked.

'Yes,' he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day,
'What are you teaching my son in math?'

The teacher replied, 'Right now, we are learning addition.'

The mother asked, 'And are you teaching them to say
two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?'

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
'What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four.'

**************************

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class.
She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, '.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,
'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!'

The teacher paused then asked the class, 'And what do you think that farmer said?'

One little girl raised her hand and said,
'I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!''

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

**************************

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
'I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter.'

Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugarbrown.'

The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
'Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?'

She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'

**************************

A little girl asked her mother, 'Can I go outside and play with the boys?'
Her mother replied, 'No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough.'
The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
'If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?'

**************************

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad
gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake.

The barber says to her,
'Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin.'

She says, 'Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too.'

Fw: Ocenjevanje osebnosti - končno dober test in rezultate vzemte zlo resno !!!!!



Reši test:



Si  lep?

      1)     Da (1 točka)

      2)     Ne (0 točk)



Si  pameten?

      3)     Da (1 točka)

      4)     Ne (0 točk)



Rešitev:

2 točki: ti si lep in pameten

0 točk: nisi niti lep niti pameten

1 točka: ali si lep ali pa si pameten



Za ljubiteljice & ljubitelje testov,

ARS

PERFECT MAN & WOMAN

http://www.flashfunpages.com/couple.swf

Blondinka s turistično ladjo pluje po Nilu, nakar prvič v življenju zagleda krokodila.
Vzhičeno vzklikne: "Oooo, nisem vedela, da Lacoste izdeluje tudi plovila!"

A Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.

The wife was very upset about this and asked:
"Now Maria, why do you want a  pay increase?"

Maria: "Well Seńora, there are three reasons why
I want an increase.The first is that I iron better than you."
Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Your husband said so."
Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "The second reason is that I am a better cook than you."
Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"
Maria: "Your husband did."
Wife: "Oh."

Maria: "My third reason is that I am a better lover than you."
Wife (really furious now): "Did my husband say that as well?"
Maria: "No Seńora, the gardener did."

SHE GOT THE RAISE

NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'For reading a book,' she replies,

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her again.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.


MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Mož predlaga ženi, da gresta na nudistično plažo.

Žena pa ni za to in pravi:

"Nočem, da vsi vidijo, da sem se poročila zaradi denarja!"

RECESIJA PRIHAJA - IZJAVA LETA


"Danes si moški ne more privoščiti ljubice, če nima zaposlene žene."