Zapoznela čestitka ob 29. novembru (za tiste, ki se še lahko spomnimo):

Quote:

GURS (Geodetska uprava RS) vas obvešča, da se morate v času popisa nepremičnin
še posebej veliko gibati, sicer vas bodo vpisali v register nepremičnin.

Prvi šolski dan v neki ameriški srednji šoli. Učiteljica predstavi novega učenca Suzukija iz Japonske.
Začne se učna ura in učiteljica sprašuje: "Sedaj bomo videli, koliko poznate ameriško zgodovino. Kdo je rekel 'Svoboda ali smrt'?"
Tišina, samo Suzuki dvigne roko: Patrick Henry, leta 1775 v Philadelphiji.
Učiteljica: Zelo dobro, Suzuki. Kdo pa je rekel 'Država je narod in kot taka ne sme nikoli umreti'?
Suzuki vstane: Abraham Lincoln, 1863 v Washingtonu.
Učiteljica strogo pogleda učence in pravi: Sram naj vas bo. Suzuki Japonec, pa pozna ameriško zgodovino bolje od vas. Tih glas iz
ozadja: Jebite se, posrani Japonci!
Učiteljica zakriči: Kdo je to rekel!? Suzuki dvigne roko in reče: General MacArthur, 1942 na Guadalcanalu in Lee Iacocca, 1982 na skupščini delničarjev Chryslerja v Detroitu. Razred je tiho, samo od nekod se sliši: Puši kurac!
Suzuki: Bill Clinton Monici Levinsky, 1997 v Ovalni pisarni,
Washington.
Drug učenec se zadere: Suzuki je sranje!
Suzuki: Valentino Rossi, 2002 na moto Grand-prix Brazilije v Rio de Janeiru.
Razred popizdi, učiteljica pade v nezavest. V razred nato vstopi ravnatelj: V pičko materno, takega kaosa pa še nisem videl!
Suzuki: Janez Janša - Ambrus November 2006.

************************************************** ***
Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send
you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother
the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
Santa
************************************************** ***
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa
************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who
rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send
you some Legos instead.
Santa
************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a
drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up
with a Barbie.
Santa
********************************
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
Scotch.
Santa
************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend
most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself
silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Santa
************************************************** **
Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE
could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa
************************************************** **
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass
whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,
Santa

"Tudi ko smo imeli težave na Muri, je bilo malo pretiravanja. Tja so Slovenci pripeljali svoje specialce, jaz pa sem jim rekel, da bom, če se bo to ponovilo, pripeljal prostovoljno gasilsko društvo in jih bomo malo pošpricali. Po teh mojih besedah se niso več pojavili."
Hrvaški predsednik STJEPAN MESIĆ, o slovenski grožnji

http://www.mladina.si/tednik/200652/clanek/uvo-izjave_tedna--sebastijan_ozmec/

Ata Gorenjec zjutraj oznani otrokom:

»Kdor hoče zajtrk, ga dobi. Kdor ne jé, dobi evro.«

»Hočem evro!« so soglasni otroci.



O poldne pove ata Gorenjec:

»Kdor hoče kosilo, naj ga jé. Kdor ga noče, dobi evro.«

»Hočem evro!« so enotni otroci.



Zvečer ata Gorenjec razglasi:

»Kdor hoče večerjo, plača dva evra.«

Pridejo vsi  tolarski kovanci in bankovci pred Nebeška vrata.

Sveti Peter  jih povpraša: "Kaj pa vi tu gori?"

"Naš čas se  je iztekel, v Sloveniji so uvedli evre."

"No prav,  potem pa kar naprej."

Odpre jim  vrata in vsi kovanci ter bankovci za 10, 20, 50, 100, 200 in 500 SIT odskakljajo naprej,
bankovcem za 1000, 5000 in 10000 SIT pa zaloputne vrata in pribije: "Vi pa žal ne morete v nebesa."

"Zakaj pa  ne, če smo pa največ vredni?" se začudijo "jurčki".

"Ker vas  nisem nikoli videl v cerkvi."