Nova Slovenija je na Pokljuki organizirala tekmovanje v igranju na harmoniko.
Zmaga osemdesetletni starcek in po podelitvi priznanj ga novinar vpraša:
"Kaj si pa želite po tej veliki zmagi?"
Starcek pomisli in odgovori:
"Da bi izdal toliko CD-jev, kolikor sem partizanov!"

Lovska

Dva lovca sta se odpravila na kanadski sever na lov za severnimi jeleni.
Najela sta športno letalo, s katerim ju je pilot odpeljal v divjino. Ko sta izstopila iz letala jima je pilot rekel:
"Po vaju se vrnem čez teden dni. In zapomnita si, vsak lahko s seboj vzame le po enega jelena, drugače bo teža prevelika in ne bomo mogli poleteti!"
"V redu!" sta odgovorila lovca.
Po tednu dni se je pilot vrnil po lovca. Toda, oba lovca sta imela ob sebi po dva jelena, zato je lovcema rekel:
"Opozoril sem vaju že, da vsak lahko vzame le enega jelena! Vsak bo moral po enega pustiti tu!"
"Poslušajte!" se je oglasil eden od lovcev. "Tudi lani nama je pilot rekel, da ne more odpeljati štirih jelenov, ko pa sva mu obljubila večje plačilo je takoj pristal. Tudi vam bova plačala več!"
Trojica je še nekaj časa diskutirala, nato pa je pilot za primerno plačilo pristal, da na letalo vzame vse štiri jelene. "če je šlo lani, bo šlo pa še letos!" je mislil sam pri sebi.
Lovca sta naložila jelene v letalo, se še sama usedla v letalo in pilot je speljal. Najprej počasi, nato pa vse hitreje se je letalo premikalo po pisti. Končno so se kolesa odlepila od tal,meter, dva metra...tri metre.
Pred letalom se je prikazalo prvo drevo, pilot ga je želel preleteti, toda zaman. Letalo se je zaletelo v drevo in se zrušilo na tla. Kot po čudežu so vsi trije preživeli. Eden od lovcev se je obrnil k drugemu in vprašal:
"Kje pa smo?"
Njegov lovski kolega je pogledal okoli sebe in rekel:
"Nekaj metrov dlje kot lani!"

Nekoč je bil en bogataš, ki je sklenil, da si bo poiskal ženo. Ker je
bil lep, pameten, bogat in dobrega srca,  je imel veliko ženitnih
ponudb. Ker se nekako ni mogel odločiti, je priredil tekmovanje. Tam je
izbral tri kandidatke, ki so prišle v finale. Vse so bile enako lepe in
razgledane, zato je za zadnjo nalogo dal vsaki 1 mio. $ in rekel, naj
jih porabi, kakor hoče. Prva je ves denar vložila v novo hišo. Izbrala
je čudovito lokacijo ob obali, malo bolj na samem in v bližni letališča.
Najela je arhitekta, delavce, nakupila pohištvo, ga razporedila po hiši,
najela je vrtnarja, ki je uredil vrt, seveda pa ni manjkal niti velik
bazen za hišo in varnostne naprave. Skratka - popoln dom. Druga je svoj
milijon porabila drugače. Najela je veliko ladjo z vsem osebjem vred.
Povabila je vse prijatelje, tako da na križarjenju ni bilo dolgčas.
Poskrbela je, da je bilo osebje prijazno, hrana odlična, higiena
brezhibna in sploh je pripravila morebitnemu možu sanjske počitnice. No,
tretja pa se je zadeve lotila zelo podjetno. Z denarjem je šla na borzo,
najela najboljše posrednike, strokovnjake, obveščevalce, preštudirala
ekonomijo, nato trgovala z delnicami, hodila na poslovne sestanke in na
koncu je zaslužila še en milijon in morebitnemu mozu vrnila 2 mio. $.
Bogataš je bil seveda nad vsemi tremi zelo navdušen. Kaj mislite, katero
je izbral? Prvo, drugo ali tretjo? ... ... ... ... ... Hja, pravzaprav
se se vedno ni mogel odločiti, zato je vzel kr uno k je mela največje
joške.  

You gotta love this guy..... This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom oaf everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope.  

He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!".  Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I m outta here."

He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding out about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong. His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells.

Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends...................$32,000.  
Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion...................................$3,000.
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui...............................$8,500.  
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man. !!!! Priceless !!!! There are some things money can't buy, for everything else there's MASTERCARD

Ne  

Kako Bosanac psuje sina :

Sa 10 godina: Jebem ti mater !
Sa 20 godina: Jebat ću ti mater !
Sa 30 godina: Jebo sam ti mater !
Sa 40 godina: Jeba ti pas mater !