Ide covjek doma sa posla, i na putu se sjeti da mu kcerkica ima

rodendan.

Vrati se nazad i ode u trgovinu sa igrackama. Ude unutra i zamoli

prodavacicu:

Koliko vam je ona Barbie u izlogu?

Prodavacica: Na koju Barbie mislite?



- Barbie ide na kupanje je 19,95$,

- Barbie ide na gala veceru je 29,95$.,

- Barbie na jahanju je 39,95$

- Barbie ide na fitness 49,95$,

- Barbie ide na voznju autom 59,95$,

- razvedena Barbie 395,95$.

Muskarac: A zbog cega je razvedena Barbie toliko skuplja?

Prodavacica: Jer uz nju ide Kenov auto, Kenova kuca,

Kenov pas, Kenova macka, Kenov namjestaj i Kenova jahta.

Ode crnogorski arhitekt kod talijanskog arhitekta u Italiju.
Vidi Crnogorac Talijana sa dvije  kuce, tri auta, bazeni, itd.

Pita Crnogorac: Kako si napravio ovo  bogatstvo?

Na to ce Talijan: Vidis onaj most?

Vidim - kaze Crnogorac.

Taj most je trebao biti 120m x 25m a ja ga napravio 120m x  22m

Pa od ta 3 metra razlike napravio ovo bogatstvo.

Dode slijedece godine Talijan u Crnu Goru, pa vidi Crnogorca sa 5 hotela,
svugdje vile, vozi Ferrari pa pita Crnogorca: A odakle tebi sve ovo?

Vidis onaj most?

Talijan odgovori: Ne!!!

Na to ce Crnogorac: E tu je trebao biti most!

A Corporate Lesson


A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give you one each."

Me first! Me first!" says the clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Poof! She's gone.

The astonished sales rep says, "Me next! Me next!
I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse,
an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."


MORAL OF THE STORY:
Always let your boss have the first say!!

Pjetao naganja kokoš u vrtu. Kokoš razmišlja: "ako stanem poševit če me i ispast ču kurva, ako ne stanem neču se poševiti, ipak bolje, da slučajno padnem!"


V diskoteki..
ON: Da ti pokažem malo magije?
ONA: A šta je to?
ON: Idemo kod mene, tamo se ljubimo, i ti onda nestaneš..


Dolazi frajer u policijsku stanicu i počinje na sav glas govoriti kako su policajci glupi. Skupili se svi prisutni policajci oko njega i jedan od njih reče da to nije tačno.
- "E jest i ja ću vam to dokazati tako što ću vam postavljati pitanja a vi će te odgovarati", reče čova. I tako poče ispitivanje.
- "Šta je to malo crveno na drvetu?", pita on.
Drotovi se onako zbunjeno pogledaše ali niko da da odgovor.
- "Pa to vam je trešnja", sa smijehom ce posjetioc.
- "Daj šta lakše" u glas rekoše drotovi.
- "Ok. Šta je to dvoje malo crveno na drvetu?"
Drotovi se opet zbunjeno pogledaše ali opet niko ne zna odgovor.
- "Pa to su vam dvije trešnje."
- "Daj šta lakše", opet drotovi.
- "Evo nešto skroz lagano. Koja životinja vuče konjska kola?"
Tišina kad neko iz grupe:
- "Da nisu tri trešnje?"


Puse travu zec i pile. Smota zeko mali joint i puse oni tako pa upita zeko pile:
- "Jel osjecas nesto?"
Kaze pile:
- "Nita..."
Smota zeko veci joint i puse oni tako ka opet upita zeko:
- "Jel osjecas sad nesto?"
Veli pile:
- "Nita."
Smota zeko sad joinitnu, natrpa samo trave bez duhana i puse oni opet i pita sad zeko:
- "Pa dobro jel osjecas sad nesto??"
Veli pile:
- "Ne, nita, ni klun, ni kvivca ni noge..."


Radi unproforac sklekove, a Haso oko njega obilazi gleda ga sa strane, pa pogleda ispod njega i veli unproforcu:
- "Jebo mater, ako ona tebi nije pobjegla."


Nakon tri dana, iz rusevina dva nebodera u New York-u izlazi Bosanac i otresajuci prasinu sa sebe promrmlja:
- "Jebo vas 'vaki aerodrom."

Maš prav
zaloga prihaja od tu:
http://www.vicevi.net/

Prva pomoč v kriznih trenutkih

http://www.yu-box.net/EgoBooster.htm

The Clown Scientists have found that all our
problems can be placed under one heading: Seriousness.
Seriousness is the leading cause of everything from
Cancer to Reincarnation. Scientists from the Clown
Academy have already discovered a new source of
healing. It is a psychic energy point located
between the heart chakra and the throat chakra. It is
called the Clown Chakra.

If people are feeling miserable, if they have
financial problems, if their relationship situation
is the pits, if they are in ill health, if they
have a need to sue people, if they find fault with
their brother, then obviously, their Clown Chakra is
closed.

When this happens, the scientists have observed under
a high-powered microscope that the cells of every
organ display a sad face, and when the Clown Chakra is
open and functioning normally, the cells display a
happy face.

The scientists realized that if a person is ill, it is
because his mind has projected guilt onto the cells if
his body and has forced out the love that is normally
found within each cell of the body. The cells are
therefore saying, "I lack Love," or "ILL" for
short.

The scientists also discovered that all disease is due
to the fact that the cells are out of ease or
dis-eased.

When the Clown Chakra is opened and working (or
rather, playing) properly, the psychic mechanism
sucks up misery, pain, anger, resentment, grievances,
unhappiness, etc., and converts the energy into tiny
red heart-shaped balloons. The red heart-shaped
balloons contain Love and Joy. These balloons are
directed to the dis-eased cell or situation, and a
happy face appears instantly. When the light enters
the darkness, the darkness is gone. Sometimes these
red heart-shaped balloons are called endorphins, due
to the fact that when anyone experiences them, the
feeling of separation ends. They experience being
back home with All That Is and hence are no longer an
orphan. This is the well-known end-orphan (endorphin)
effect.
>
So, if you think someone is attacking you, Clown
Scientists recommend that you visualize sending that
person red heart-shaped balloons filled with Love and
Joy. Remember to keep your Clown Chakra open and
remember to laugh. Seriousness causes reincarnation.

> Mr Leonard Alston Wilkinson

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty years and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of our house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give back the other ten." So God agreed (sigh).

On the third day God created the monkey. God said,
"Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty year life span."

Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty cow gave back, and the ten dog gave back and the ten monkey gave back. That makes eighty, okay?" "Okay," said God. "You've got a
deal."

So that is why for the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and do nothing. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren.
And for the last ten years we sit in front of the house and bark at everybody.

Life has finally been explained.