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ARS
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #30 - 05.07.2003 at 10:07:54
 

Kmecki fant vstopi v gostilno in vprasa natakarico: "Kaj imaš za kosilo?"

"Prvi meni, drugi meni, tretji meni..." nasteva natakarica.

"Veš kaj, mene niti najmanj ne zanima koliko je takih, ki te niso. Prinesi mi vampe in pivo!"

Natakarica ga tiho postreze, ko pa fant poje jo poklice in jo vprasa: "Koliko je moj dolg?"

"Veš kaj poba, mene sploh ne zanima koliko dolgega imas, raje mi placaj kar si pojedel in spil!"
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Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. (neznan(a)
 
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vilma
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #31 - 05.07.2003 at 11:29:26
 
ŽENSKA MOLITVA:

Bože, Bože, daj mi
muškarca, koji može.
A, ko ne može
pomozi mu Bože
Ako i tada ne može,
uzmi ga Bože...
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ARS
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #32 - 05.07.2003 at 23:37:15
 

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars,
then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having
smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having
made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim
against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small
fires." The insurance company refused to pay,  citing the obvious reason:
that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal  fashion.

The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with
the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated
nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had
warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would
insure them against fire, without defining what is  considered to be
unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company
accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer  for his loss of the rare cigars
lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance
company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance
claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the
lawyer was convicted of  intentionally burning his insured property and was
sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine. This is a true story
and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
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Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. (neznan(a)
 
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veronika
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angeli letijo zato, ker
se ne jemlejo resno
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #33 - 08.07.2003 at 10:54:59
 
Na sušilcu za lase: "Ne uporabljaj med spanjem"

Na vrečki ocvrtega sadja:
"Tudi vi ste lahko dobitnik! Nakup ni potreben za sodelovanje v
nagradni igri. Podrobnosti najdete v vrečki."
(morda posebna nagradna igra za lopove?)

Opozorilo na rezini tiramisuja, podjetja Tesco's, natisnjeno na dnu
škatlice v kateri dobimo rezino:
"Ne obračaj."

Na otroškem! zdravilu proti kašlju:
"Ob jemanju zdravila ni priporočljiva vožnja avtomobila ali
upravljanje stroja."

Na švedski motorni žagi:
"Ne ustavljaj verige z rokami ali spolovili."
(hmmm...)

Na pudingu podjetja Marks&Spencer:
"Po segrevanju bo jed topla."
(so prepričani?)

Na uspavalu:
"Opozorilo: Lahko povzroči zaspanost."

Na lešnikih podjetja Sainsbury:
"Opozorilo: Vsebuje lešnike!"

Na paketkih lešnikov, ki jih delijo potnikom pri American Airlines:
"Navodila: Odpri paket. Pojej vsebino."

Na "Made in China" božičnih lučkah:
"Samo za notranjo in zunanjo uporabo."
(... pa jih je mogoče uporabiti še kje drugje?)

Na pustnem kostimu Supermana:
"Če nosite to oblačilo ne morete leteti."
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
 
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veronika
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #34 - 08.07.2003 at 10:55:37
 
vilma wrote on 05.07.2003 at 11:29:26:
ŽENSKA MOLITVA:

Bože, Bože, daj mi
muškarca, koji može.
A, ko ne može
pomozi mu Bože
Ako i tada ne može,
uzmi ga Bože...




da nadžem nekok ko može  Wink
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
 
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ana
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #35 - 08.07.2003 at 11:14:33
 
ena stara pesmica je nekoč šla nekako takole:

Najlepša roža je roža,
ki visi od moža.
Še lepša pa je, če ne visi, temveč stoji.


Sem pred leti mislim da pri Oshoju naletela na tisti vic:

Kupi mož grozno dobre čevlje, pride domov, se obuje vanje in paradira v njih po stanovanju gor pa dol. Žena pa mrtvo hladno, kakor da ne opazi nove moževe pridobitve. Zato mož zvečer spotencira zadevo in, ko žena že leži v postelji, prikoraka iz kopalnice v spalnico popolnoma nag, samo obut v nove čevlje. Pa ves navdušen vpraša, če ona opazi, na kaj kaže njegov ...  Ona zamišljeno ogleduje zadevo in na koncu vpraša:

"Posluš, zakaj si pa nisi rajši novega klobuka kupu?"
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Ljubezen ozdravlja vse - tiste, ki jo dajejo in tiste, ki jo prejemajo.
 
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LittleStar
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #36 - 08.07.2003 at 13:00:41
 

Mladi župnik je bil tako nervozen pred svojo prvo mašo, da ni mogel spregovoriti
niti besede. Vpraša škofa, kaj mu je storiti, le-ta pa mu pove, naj naslednjič
spije kozarec vode v katerega naj kane dve kapljici Vodke. Takoj se bo počutil
bolj sproščenega.
Potem se je župnik počutil tako dobro, da ga ni moglo nič vznemiriti.

Po končani maši najde škofovo sporočilo:



Spoštovani župnik,



naslednjič dajte dve kapljici Vodke v vodo in ne obratno. Zraven tega je tu še
nekaj napotkov, da se ne bodo ponovno pripetili izpadi:

- ni potrebno dajati koščkov limone na rob keliha,

- ne naslanjajte se več na kip device Marije, ne objemajte jo in jo ne
poljubljajte

- obstaja 10 zapovedi in ne 12,

- obstaja 12 apostolov in ne 7 in niti eden od njih ni palček

- Jezusa in njegove učence ne nazivamo J.K.& Co

- David je premagal Galjota s fračo in kamnom, ni ga premlatil in mu razlil
možganov

- Žida ne imenujemo kurvin sin

- papeža ne smemo imenovati El padrino

- Bin Laden nima nobene zveze z Jezusovo smrtjo

- hostija ni prigrizek k vinu

- grešniki gredo v pekel in ne v p.m.

- tisti v vogalu zraven zbora, katerega ste imenovali transvestit v obleki, sem
bil jaz.


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ARS
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #37 - 09.07.2003 at 23:30:53
 

-Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?
-You're going out?
-Yes.
-With whom?
-With a friend.
-I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.
-I didn't leave him. He left me!
-You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.
-I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?
-I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.
-There are lots of things that you did and I don't.
-What are you hinting at?
-Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.
-You're going to stay the night with him?
-What will your husband say if he finds out?
-My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!
-So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?
-He's not a loser.
-A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite.
-I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?
-Poor children with such a mother.
-Such as what?
-With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.
-ENOUGH!!!
-Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!
-Now you're worried about the loser?
-Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.
-Goodbye, mother.
-Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?
-I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!
-If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?
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Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. (neznan(a)
 
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Amstel
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #38 - 09.07.2003 at 23:40:27
 
LOL   poor mum  Grin
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Naj se zgodi, kar se mora.
 
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sparkle
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #39 - 11.07.2003 at 14:11:34
 
no evo tele sm u mejlh najdla k jh zj pucam, pa se mi zdita uredu:)

Medtem ko je marinec služil v Afghanistanu, je prejel pismo svoje drage, v katerem mu sporoca da je spala z dvema fantoma medtem, ko ga ni bilo in da bi rada prekinila z njim. Želela je, da ji tudi vrne njeno sliko.Marinec je šel k svojim kolegom in jih prosil, da naj mu dajo vseslike deklet s katerimi ne hodijo vec. Nato je poslal 25 slik svoji bivši punci in ji napisal :"Ne vem vec katera si, odstrani svojo sliko in mi ostale vrni!" Grin Grin  8)

hmm pa tale od blondinke pism, vrjetn je ze zelo star, ampk je pa funny Tongue

PISMO BLONDINKE SVOJEMU SINU

>
>Dragi sin,
>
>To pismo ti pisem, da bi vedel, da ti pisem. Ce dobis to pismo pomeni,
>Da je dobro prispelo. Ce ga ne dobis, mi javi, da ti ga ponovno
>posljem.
>Pisem pocasi, ker vem, da pocasi beres. Zadnic je tvoj oce v casopisu
>prebral, da se, statisticno gledano, najvec prometnih nesrec zgodi 1 km
>od
>doma. Zato smo se preselili nekaj ulic naprej. Nova hisa je zelo lepa.
>Ima
>celo pralni stroj, vendar ne vem, ce dela. Vceraj sem dala perilo prat
>in ko
>sem potegnila vodo, je perilo izginilo. Vreme je tukaj kar dobro.
>Prejsnji
>teden je samo dvakrat dezevalo. Prvic je padalo tri, naslednjic pa
>stiri
>dni.
>V zvezi z jakno, ki si jo tako zelis, je stric Peter povedal, da naj
>odrezemo vse gumbe, preden ti jo posljemo, saj so gumbi zelo tezki in
>bi
>bila draga postnina. Gumbe smo odrezali in ce jih bos potreboval, jih
>lahko
>najdes v notranjem zepu, kamor sem jih spravila. Potem, ko smo pokopali
>tvojega dedka, smo ob ciscenju hise nasli njegovo truplo. Bilo je v
>omari od
>tistega dne, ko je dedek zmagal pri igri skrivalnic.
>Nekaj dni nazaj je eksplodirala jeklenka plina v kuhinji. Tvojega oceta
>in
>mene je vrglo skozi okno na dvorisce. Kaksno dozivetje. Po tolikih
>letih sva
>koncno sla enkrat skupaj ven.
>In ce ze pisem o tvojem ocetu dobil je novo delo! Zelo je ponosen, saj
>je
>pod njim okrog 500 ljudi. Zaposlili so ga na mestnem pokopaliscu, kjer
>skrbi
>za travo.
>Tvoja sestra Julija, saj ves, tista, ki se je porocila s svojim mozem,
>je
>koncno rodila. Za spol sicer se ne vemo, tako da zaenkrat ne vem, ce si
>postal stric ali teta. Ce bo puncka, bo jo tvoja sestra poimenovala po
>meni.
>Vseeno se mi zdi cudno, da bo svojo hcerko klicala »mama«
>Tvoj stric Pavel se je ozenil. Cele dneve moli pred zeno, ker je
>devica.
>Strica Karla sploh vec ne videvamo, odkar je prejsnjo leto umrl. In da
>ne
>govorim o tvojem bratu Janezu. Grozen je. Zaklenil je
>avtomobilska vrata, kljuci pa so ostali v avtu. S taksijem je moral
>domov po
>rezervo, da nas je potem lahko odklenil iz vozila. Katastrofa!!!
>
>Dobro sinko, ne bom ti napisala naslova, ker ga ne poznam. Prejsnja
>druzina,
>ki je tu zivela pred nami, je s seboj odnesla hisno stevilko.
>Ce bos kaj videl teto Lizo, jo pozdravi, v nasprotnem pa ni treba reci
>nic.
>
>
>Mama, ki te ima rada.
>
>P.s. Hotela sem ti poslati nekaj denarja, pa sem ze zaprla kuverto
Cheesy Grin Wink
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ARS
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Preveč dobrega je lahko
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #40 - 14.07.2003 at 17:09:11
 

Hercegovac želi zaposliti svog sina,
pa nazove svog rođaka "visokog  državnog dužnosnika:"

- Ma nema problema. Zaposlit ću ga u Saboru i dobivat će oko 20.000 kn plače i neće nista morati raditi.

- Znate, ja bih da on ipak nešto radi. Nešto skromnije.

- Dobro. Zaposlit ću ga kao direktora. Imat će plaču 15.000 kn i nešto malo će morati raditi.

- Ali ja bih ipak da on malo više radi, da se nauči.

- Dobro. Neka bude tajnik u poduzeću, imat će 10.000 kn i dosta će raditi.

- Ali ja bih ipak nešto skromnije.

- Pa koliku da ima plaću?

- Oko 4000 kn.

- A......, to ne može. Za to mu treba fakultet.
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Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. (neznan(a)
 
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ARS
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Preveč dobrega je lahko
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #41 - 15.07.2003 at 17:59:51
 
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Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. (neznan(a)
 
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ARS
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Preveč dobrega je lahko
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #42 - 22.07.2003 at 13:42:09
 

Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your whole week (hole weak).
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Knowing what's right doesn't mean much unless you do what's right. (neznan(a)
 
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aryan
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #43 - 24.07.2003 at 10:02:40
 
In preparation for the Earth Summit, the UN conducted a world-wide survey.  The only question in the survey went like this:

"In your honest opinion, how can the food shortage problem be solved in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the language differences between the various nations:

In Africa, they didn't know what "food" meant.

In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solved" meant.

And in the USA they didn't know what "rest of the world" meant!


ta je skor prevec resnicen, da bi se smejal lohk Smiley
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Re: Še mal resničnega heca 4.
Reply #44 - 24.07.2003 at 13:51:14
 
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Nič na svetu nikogar ne čaka. Nič ni dokončano, in vendar nič ne ostane nerazrešeno.
WWW WWW  
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