Murphy's Law On  S e x
============

1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2. Nothing improves with age.

3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.

4. Sex has no calories.

5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

8. No sex with anyone in the same office.

9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

12. Virginity can be cured.

13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

16. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.

17. It is always the wrong time of month.

18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.

20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.

21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.

22. The younger the better.

23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.

24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.

27. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.

28. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.

29. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.

30. Love is a hole in the heart.

31. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.

32. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.

33. Do it only with the best.

34. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.

35. One good turn gets most of the blankets.

36. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.

37. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

38. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

39. Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.

40. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.

41. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.

42. Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.

43. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.

44. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.

45. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.

46. Never say no.

47. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.

48. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.

49. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.

50. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.

51. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.

52. Love comes in spurts.

53. The world does not revolve on an axis.

54. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.

55. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

56. Don't do it if you can't keep it up.

57. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

58. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.

59. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.

60. "This won't hurt, I promise."

One sunny day in 2005 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue,
where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the U. S. Marine standing guard and said:
- I would like to go in and meet with  President Bush.
The Marine looked at the man and said:
-  Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here.
The  old man said: "Okay" and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine:
- I would like  to go in and meet with President Bush.
The Marine again told the man:
- Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no  longer resides here.
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to  the very same U. S. Marine, saying:
- I would like to go in and meet  with President Bush..
The Marine, understandably agitated at this  point, looked at the man and said:
- Sir, this is the third day  in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you
already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?
- Oh, I understand. But I just love hearing it!

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said:
- OK...  See you tomorrow.


ARS

Sončni mrk..
Sodelavka:"..če bo tako oblačno kot danes, se ga sploh ne bo videlo."

iz enga mejla

"Vernik je prišel k duhovniku k spovedi in mu povedal:
>> "Sem oče treh otrok, srečno poročen in dobro situiran. Imam pa
>> tudi ljubico.
>> Kaj naj storim?"
>> "Takoj moraš pustiti svojo ljubico in se posvetiti ženi in
>> otrokom!" je rekel župnik.
>> "Toda, kako naj jo pustim, ko jo pa tako zelo ljubim?"
>> "Prav! Lagati je tudi greh, zato pojdi k svoji ženi in ji
>> povej, da ljubiš drugo in se poroči s svojo ljubico!"
>> "Toda, kako naj se ločim od žene, s katero živim skupaj že
>> trideset let? Brez nje ne bi več mogel živeti. Prav tako pa tudi
>> ne morem zapustiti svojih otrok!"
>> "No, potem pa spremeni vero in postani protestant!"
>> "Pa bo to kaj pomagalo?" je bil začuden grešnik.
>> "Tebi ne vem, meni pa bo. Me vsaj ne boš nerviral s tvojimi grehi!"
>>
>>
>> Nekega dne se oče, mati in sin vozijo z vlakom. Med njihovo
>> vožnjo vlak seveda tudi na drugih postajah ustavi, sin pa med enim
>> postankom pogleda skozi okno in reče:
>> "Oče, lej kok seksi bejba!" Starša pa nista tega rada slišala in sta se
>> odločila, da sina pošljeta v semenišče, da si take bedarije spravi
>> iz glave.
>> Po prevzgoji se nekega dne spet skupaj vozijo z vlakom in ko se
>> ta ustavi, pa sin spet pogleda skozi okno in reče:
>> "Oče, lej kok seksi šef postaje!"
>>
>>
>>
>> Raziskovalec se je globoko v amazonskem pragozdu nenadoma
>> znašel obkoljen med skupino krvoželjnih domorodcev. Ko je
>> ocenil situacijo, si je tiho rekel:
>> "Ljubi Bog, najebal sem..."
>> Nenadoma pa ga je osvetlil snop svetlobe z neba in mogočen
>> glas je zadonel:
>> "Ne, nisi ga najebal. Vzemi tisto skalo pri tvojih nogah in jo zabriši v
>> glavo njihovega poglavarja, ki stoji pred tabo."
>> Tako je raziskovalec dvignil omenjeno skalo in poglavarju
>> zmečkal glavo.
>> Globoko zadihan je obstal  nad negibnim telesom, obkoljen z
>> množico šokiranih in močno pretresenih domorodcev.
>> Takrat je znova zadonel glas z neba:
>> "Okej, zdej si ga pa najebal..."

1) je bila Coca Cola sprva zelena?
2) je American Airlines l. 1987 prihranil 40.000 USD s tem, da so iz vsake solate, postrezene v 1. razredu, vzeli ven po 1 olivo

3) Racje gaganje ne odmeva in nihce ne ve zakaj
4) Vsak kralj v kartah predstavlja po enega velikega kralja iz zgodovine;
Pik: kralj David, Kriz: Aleksander Veliki, Srce: Karel Veliki, Kara: Julij Cezar

5) 111,111111 x 111,111111 = 12345,678987654321
6) Ce ima spomenik konja z jezdecem v parku dvignjeni obe sprednji nogi, je oseba umrla v boju. Ce ima konj dvignjeno samo eno nogo, je oseba podlegla poskodbam v boju. Ce ima konj vse 4 noge na tleh, je oseba umrla naravne smrti

7) Ime Jeep izhaja iz ameriske kratice "General Purpose vehicle",G.P.
8) V Pentagonu imajo dvakrat prevec stranisc. Ko so ga gradili, je zakon zahteval locene wc-je za belce in crnce
9) Ne da se kihati z odprtimi ocmi
10) Desnicarji povprecno zivijo 9 let dlje od levicarjev
11) Scurek lahko zivi 9 dne brez glave, preden umre OD LAKOTE!
12) Sloni so edine zivali, ki ne morejo skakati
13) Povprecno se clovek nasmehne 15-krat na dan
14) Komarji imajo zobe
15) Miguel de Cervantes in William Shakespeare, ki veljata za najvecja pisatelja v svojih drzavah, sta oba umrla 23. aprila 1616...

16) 22 stoletij je bilo potrebnih, da se izracuna oddaljenost Zemlje od Sonca (149,400,000 km). To bi lahko vedeli veliko prej, ce bi se kdo spomnil pomnoziti visino Keopsove piramide v Gizi, ki je bila zgrajena 30 stoletij BC, s 1,000,000,000,

17) V stari Angliji ljudje niso smeli seksati brez kraljeve odobritve (se posebno, ce je slo za clana kraljeve druzine). Ce je par zelel otroka, je moral prositi za dovoljenje monarha, ta jim je izrocil ploscico, ki so jo obesili na vrata. Na ploscici je pisalo : "Fornication Under Consent of the King" (F.U.C.K.). Od tod tudi izhaja ta beseda.

Japonci (kdo pa drug) naredijo robo-crappity smackerja in placajo trem ženskam, naj ga preizkusijo.

Se spravi prva na preizkušnjo, ostane z robotom štiri ure v sobi, na koncu pa prisopihaGre not druga, zdrži z robotom sedem ur in pride ven cisto fertik.

Gre v sobo tretja, blondinka. In je ni ven sedem ur, ni je dvanajst ur, na koncu pa po dnevu in pol iz sobe ven plane robot, takoj za njim pa se blondinka, ki se dere:
"Prekleta rit plehnata, a za bežat pa še imaš baterije ???"

Dojenčka v maternici se pogovarjata:

- A verjameš v življenje po rojstvu?
- Seveda. Zagotovo obstaja nekaj po rojstvu. Morda sva sedaj tukaj zato,da
se pripraviva na življenje po rojstvu.
- To je neumnost. Ni življenja po rojstvu. Le kako bi takšno življenje
izgledalo?
- Ne vem točno, toda prepričan sem, da bo bolj svetlo in lahko bova hodila
in jedla z lastnimi usti.
- To je popolna bedarija! Veš, da je nemogoče teči. In da bi jedla z
lastnimi usti? To je noro! Za to vendar imava popkovino. Povem ti: po
rojstvu ni življenja.
- Popkovina je prekratka. Prepričan sem, da je nekaj po rojstvu, nekaj
precej drugačnega kot to, na kar sva navajena.
- Toda nihče se še ni vrnil od tam. Življenje se z rojstvom konča. Poleg
tega pa, življenje ni nič drugega kot obstoj v ozkem, temačnem okolju.
- No, ne vem natančno, kako izgleda življenje po rojstvu, toda v vsakem
primeru bova srečala najino mamo. Ona bo potem skrbela za naju.
- Mama! Ti verjameš v mamo? In kje naj bi, po tvoje, bila?
- Vsepovsod okoli naju, seveda. Zahvaljujoč njej sva živa. Brez nje sploh
ne bi obstajala.
- Ne verjamem! Mame nisem nikoli videl, zato je jasno, da ne obstaja!
- Mogoče res, toda včasih, ko sva popolnoma tiho, jo lahko slišiva, kako
poje in boža najin svet.

Veš, prepričan sem, da se življenje z rojstvom
pravzaprav šele začne.

85 letnega dedka je zelo zanimala  kvaliteta njegove sperme in je šel k svojemu zdravniku. Doktor mu je dal stekleničko rekoč:

"Jutri zjutraj mi prinesite  vzorec vaše sperme."

Naslednje jutro je dedek v  ordinaciji in zdravniku moli prazno stekleničko. Zdravnik ga vpraša, kaj se mu  dogaja:

"Doktor! To pa je bilo tako:  najprej sem poskušal z desno roko, pa mi ni uspelo, nato z levo, pa spet nič.  Potem sem poklical ženo, naj mi pomaga.
Matrala se je z desno roko, nato je  poskušala še z levico... pa nič.
Poskusila je z usti, z zobmi, brez zob ... pa  nič ni pomagalo, nič se ni zgodilo.

Poklical sem celo sosedo Ano, ker je  mlada. Poskusila je z obema rokama, s stisnjenima kolenoma in absolutno nič ni  pomagalo.

Doktor je zgrožen: "Kaj, klicali  ste še sosedo?"

Starček odgovori: "Ja zares, karkoli smo poskusili, pokrovčka nismo mogli odviti!"