Quiz for Men

1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
a) Lovemaking
b) Screwing
c) The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
a) Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
b) Your blood-test results
c) Five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:
a) Your partner climaxes first
b) You both climax simultaneously
c) You don't miss SportsCenter

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
a) Healthy, creative love-play
b) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
c) Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
a) The best part of the experience
b) The second best part of the experience
c) $100 extra

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:
a) No concern of yours
b) Not a problem - she can join your gym
c) A conservative estimate

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
a) A myth
b) An oxymoron
c) A moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
a) Appetizer is to entree
b) Priming is to painting
c) A queue is to an amusement park ride

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
a) "I hope we can still be friends."
b) "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone...."
c) "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
a) Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
b) Is uptight and a waste of time
c) Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

"There Is No Way to Please a Man"


If you don't let him kiss you, you don't love him
If you let him, he thinks you are cheap

If you praise him, he thinks you are pressuring him
If you don't, he thinks you don't care

If you agree to all his wants, he is abusing
If you don't, you are not understanding

If you want to be romantic, he thinks you want a sugar daddy
If you don't, you are plain and boring

If you visit him too often, he thinks you want to get married
If you don't, he worries about new boyfriends

If you put makeup on, he accuses you of flirting
If you don't, he thinks you look like a housewife

If you are jealous, he believes "It's natural for men"
If you don't, he thinks "He can have his cake and eat it too"

If you want a gift of flowers, he thinks "Its a waste of money"
If you don't, he thinks you don't deserve it

If you come early, he thinks you are an irony lady
If you don't, he thinks "That's a girl's way"

If you want an ambitious man, you are pushy
If you don't, you don't care about his future

If you help him out, his ego is injured
If you don't, his feelings are hurt

If you make more money than him, he cannot marry you
If you don't make any, he wants someone else

If he make a suggestion, he wants you to agree
If you don't, you are being difficult

If you say "no", he thinks you mean "try again"
If you don't, he has no respect for you

Pa da ne ponavljam(o), jih je po forum kar nekaj; tile so novejši.

 "Za moške":

BP-jev prispevek v drugem topiku:
http://www.gape.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=prijateljstvo;action=display;num=...

Zibyjev začetek topika:
http://www.gape.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=prijateljstvo;action=display;num=...


 "Za ženske":

Marjanin prispevek:
http://www.gape.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=prijateljstvo;action=display;num=...

Pa še en moj:
http://www.gape.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=prijateljstvo;action=display;num=...

Pride nekega dne zenska v lekarno pa rece lekarnarju: "Jaz bi prosim imela dozo arzena!"

Pa pravi on: "Gospa, arzen je hud strup. Kaj pa bi vi radi naredili z njim?"

Ona: "Ubila bom moza!"

Lekarnar: "?? Gospa, jaz vam arzena ne morem prodati, sploh pa ne, ce imate taksen namen z njim!"

Pa ona brez besed iz torbice potegne sliko in jo prisloni na steklo, ki loci lekarnarja in njo.
Na sliki seksata njen moz in lekarnarjeva zena.

Pa pravi on: "Joj gospa, se opravicujem. Nisem vedel, da imate na recept!"

Luštna mladenka sedi sama v kavarni.

Moški od sosednje mize prisede in vpraša:

"Oprostite, ali vas lahko povabim na pijaco?"

"Kaj? A v hotel?" ona zavpije na ves glas.

"Ne, ne, to je pomota, sem vas hotel povabiti na pijaco!"

"Kaj? A v hotel?" zavpije ona ponovno na glas.

Osramoceno se mladenic zavlece v najtemnejši kot kavarne.
Cez nekaj casa pride mladenka k njemu.

"Opravicujem se vam za prejšnjo sceno,
ampak študiram psihologijo in testiram obnašanje ljudi v nepredvidenih situacijah."

Moški jo pogleda in zavpije na glas, tako da sliši cela kavarna:
"Kaj, a 200 Eurov?!"

             

Pride ena gospa srednjih let v trgovino z orožjem, pa si ogleduje pištole pa zmajuje nad cenami, poj pa vpraša trgovca:
"A mamo mogoče uboge bodoče vdove kej popusta?"

Sem glih spet spravla v življenje en moj stari priljubljeni vic (primeren današnji življenjski situaciji):
Vprašam bivšega moža:"Posluš, Joža, zakaj pa moj prijatelj cik-cak po dvorišču teče?"
Pa zagode Joža nazaj:"Tih bod pa hiter še en patron dej."


Mi je hči včeraj prebrala zanimivo misel iz enega priročnika za mlada dekleta:
Zakaj so fantje  višji od deklet?
??
Ker plevel zmerom više zraste kot pa nežne rožice...