1. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself---Mark Twain

2. We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like
a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle-----Winston Churchill

3. Can a government which robs Peter to pay Paul always depend on the support of Paul?-----George Bernard Shaw

4. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.--G. Gordon Liddy

5. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

6. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich
countries to rich people in poor countries.
Douglas Casey, Classmate of W.J.Clinton at Georgetown U. (1992)

7. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.-----P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

8. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

9. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short
phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops
moving, subsidize it.-----Ronald Reagan (1986)

10. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the
facts.-----Will Rogers

11. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it
costs when it's free.-----P.J. O'Rourke

12. If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal. If
you want government to intervene overseas, you're a conservative. If you want government to intervene everywhere, you're a moderate. If you don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist. Joseph Sobran, Editor of the National Review at one time (1995)

13.In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as
possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. Voltaire (1764)

14. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean
politics won't take an interest in you.-----Pericles (430 B.C.)

15. No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the
legislature is in session.-----Mark Twain (1866)

16. Talk is cheap-except when Congress does it.-----(Unknown)

17. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other.
Ronald Reagan

18. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.-----Winston Churchill

19. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the
taxidermist leaves the skin.-----Mark Twain

20. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill
the world with fools. Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

21. There is no distinctly native American criminal class save
Congress.-----Mark Twain

22. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. Edward Langley, Artist 1928-1995

DARK IN HERE

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her nine year old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts the boy in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet with the little boy.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$25.00"

In the next few weeks, it happens again, that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here,"
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball mitt."
The lover remembering the last time asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy -"$75.00
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the ball back and forth."
The boy says, "Can't, I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$100.00"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost. You're going to church and confess."

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."

> One professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home
> broke down. He called a plumber. The plumber came on the next day,
> sealed a few screws and everything was working as before.
>
> The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the
> bill a minute later, he was shocked.
>
> "This is one third of my monthly salary!" he yelled.
>
> Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him:
>
> "I understand your position as a professor. Why don't you come to our
> company and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as
> much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you
> completed only seven elementary classes. They don't like educated
> people."
>
> So it happened. The professor got a plumber job and his life
> significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two
> occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.
>
> One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber
> has to go to evening classes to complete the eight grade. So, our
> professor had to go there too.  It just happened that the first class
> was math. The evening teacher, to check students' knowledge, asked for
> a formula for the area of the circle. The person asked was the
> professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realised that he had
> forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, he filled the white
> board with integrals, differentials and other advanced formulas to
> conclude the result he forgot.  As a result he got "minus pi times r square".
>
> He didn't like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the
> minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus.
> He was frustrated. He looked a bit scared at the class and saw all the
> plumbers mouthing "Switch the limits of the integral!!"

Lopov vlomi v hišo in začne v poltemi stikati naokrog. Naenkrat se nekdo oglasi: »Jezus te gleda!«

Lopov pogleda naokrog, a ker nikogar ne vidi, si misli, da se mu je samo zdelo, in stika naprej. A kmalu spet zasliši glas »Jezus te gleda!« Zdaj je prepričan, da je res prav slišal in prestrašeno vpraša, kdo je. »Mojzes,« se glasi odgovor. Lopov malo bolje pogleda in vidi papigo v kletki. Precej opogumljen jo posmehljivo vpraša: »Kateri idiot je pa dal papugi ime Mojzes?« »Isti idit, ki je dal pitbulu ime Jezus?« odvrne papiga.

pride do brodoloma in brodolomec tri dni plava po morju sem pa tja, nato pa ga vrže vsega izčrpanega na en otok neznano kje. Ko si malo odpočije, in odpre utrujene očke, okrog sebe zagleda četo nagih domorodcev s kopji v rokah, ki si ga sovražno ogledujejo.
"Mater, sem nasankal," si misli.
Pa se oglasi Bog:
"Nič nisi nasankal. Vzemi poglavarju kopje in ga ubij."
Brodolomec posluša božji glas in ubije poglavarja s kopjem.
"No," se zadovoljno oglasi Bog. "Zdaj pa si nasankal."

Tole je resnièno pismo, s katerim se je nekdo hotel izogniti sluzenju
vojaskega roka v Italiji:

Spostovani gospod obrambni minister!

Dovolite mi, da vam razlozim nekaj stvari, ki jih boste upam da kmalu
resili. Trenutno sem na cakanju za vpoklic v vojaski sestav italijanske
vojske. Star sem 24 let in sem poroèen z 44-letno vdovo, ki ima 25-letno
hcerko. To hcerko je ozenil moj oce. Tako je oce postal moj zet, ker je
ozenil hcerko moje zene. Hkrati pa je hcerka moje zene postala moja maèeha,
ker se je ozenila z mojim ocetom. Januarja sva z zeno dobila sina. Ta otrok
je brat od ocetove zene, torej je svak mojega oceta. Hkrati je tudi moj
stric, ker je brat moje maèehe, se pravi moj sin je hkrati moj stric. Dva
meseca kasneje je zena mojega oceta dobila sina, ki je hkrati moj brat, saj
je sin mojega oceta, hkrati pa tudi moj vnuk, saj je sin od zenine hcerke.
Torej sem jaz brat od mojega vnuka in ker je moz matere neke osebe tudi
oce,
sledi iz tega, da sem oce hcerke moje zene in brat njenega sina. Torej sem
jaz svoj lastni dedek. Po tej obrazlozitvi, spostovani gospod minister, vas
prosim da me osvobodite vo
jaske obveznosti, saj zakon pravi, da oce, sin in vnuk nemorejo hkrati
sluziti vojaski rok.

Prosim za razumevanje in na ugodno resitev!

(v aktih tega mladenica je pisalo: Oseba je razresena vojaske dolznosti
zaradi psihicnih motenj in mentalnih instabilnosti, ki so posledica
neurejenih druzinskih razmer)


.

Pride Črnogorec na policijsko postajo z blazino (povštrom) v roki.
"Izvolite gospod" pravi dežurni policist.
"Slišim, da boste postavili ležeče policaje na cesti, pa sem prišel vprašat za službo!


Sta se pretepala Črnogorec in Srb, pa so Črnogorca potem vprašali,kakšen je bil izzid?
"kakšen neki!. Prišla je policija in naju razdvojila. Ampak njega so odpeljali vklenjenega kot psa, mene pa kot kneza na nosilih.


Kako Črnogorec osvaja dekle?
- "Bi rada rože?"
- "Bi."
- "Potem pa pojdi in si jih naberi"!


Se pelje Črnogorec na avtobusu, ki ustavi na postaji.
Šofer: "pomaknite se proti zadnjim vratom!"
Vsi se pomikajo, samo Črnogorec stoji.
Šofer še enkrat:"pomaknite se še malo zadaj je prostor!"
Črnogorec zopet nič
Šofer:" Še malo se pomaknite!
Črnogorec: "poslušaj jaz sem plačal vožnjo, ne pa da hodim peš!"


Milutin stoji za cesto in lula, roke ima pa na hrbtu in gleda v nebo:
Pride mimo njegov prijatelj in se čudi: "kaj pa delaš?"
Milutin mu rece: Kdor se mi enkrat izneveri, ga niti ne pogledam več, kaj šele da bi mu roko dal!"


Borili so se Črnogorci in Turki,  pa je kasneje nek Črnogorec razlagal:
- "Mi ka sokolovi niz Cetinje, a Turci ka pizde za nama!"