PENISOVA ŽALBA.

Poštovana upravo. Ja, thingy, ovim putem zahtjevam povišicu, iz slijedečih razloga: Radim fizički posao.
Radim na velikim dubinama, bez ventilacije. Uvek mi glava srlja prva.
Nemam prava na vikende, praznike i godišnje odmore. Radim u vlažnim uslovima, na povišenoj temperaturi.
Ne plačaju mi prekovremeno.
Moj posao me izlaze zaraznim bolestima.
S poštovanjem.

thingy.

ODGOVOR UPRAVE.

Poštovani g. Penisu.
Nakon pažljivog pregleda vašeg pisma, uprava je odbacila vas zahtijev za povišicom, iz slijedečih razloga:
Ne radite ni 8 sati dnevno.
Umorite se i zaspite nakon kratkih perioda rada.
Često ne slušate naredjenja uprave.
Ne ostajete na naznačenim pozicijama i često posječujete druge oblasti.
Ne preuzimate inicijativu - treba vas dodatno stimulirati da bi počeli raditi.
Radno mjesto je, kad vi odete, uvijek u kaosu.
Često ne poštujete neophodna sigurnosna pravila (nošenje zaštitne odječe isl.).
Otiči čete u penziju mnogo prije nego što napunite 65 godina.
Stalno dolazite i odlazite sa radnog mjesta, noseči dve sumnjive vreče.
S poštovanjem.

Uprava.

HISTORIJA SUDBINE ČOVJEKA.

Stvori Bog magarca i reče mu: Biti češ magarac, raditi češ od zore do mraka, teglit češ na svojim ledima sve što ti stave i živjet češ 30 godina.
Magarac odgovori: Neka bude volja Tvoja, Gospodine, ali..... 30 godina je previše, zar ne bi bilo bolje 10?
Usliši Gospodin magarca i načini ga takvim.

Zatim stvori Bog psa i reče mu: Biti češ pas, čuvat češ kuču čovjekovu, jest češ što ti stave i živjet češ 25 godina.
Pas odgovori: Neka bude volja Tvoja, Gospodine, ali... 25 godina je malo previše, zar ne bi bilo bolje 10?
I usliši Gospodin psa i učini ga takvim.

Onda stvori Bog majmuna i reče mu: Bit češ majmun, skakat češ sa stabla na stablo i činiti majmunarije za zabavu okoline svoje i živjet češ 15 godina.
Majmun odgovori: Neka bude volja Tvoja, Gospodine, ali... 15 godina je malo previše, zar ne bi bilo bolje 5?
I usliši Gospodin majmuna i načini ga takvim.

Konačno stvori Bog čovjeka i reče mu: Biti češ čovjek, najinteligentnije stvorenje na zemlji, gospodarit češ svijetom i svime u njemu (osim ženom - to ti nikada neče uspjeti) i živjet češ 30 godina.
Čovjek odgovori: Hvala ti i neka bude volja Tvoja, Gospodine, ali...30 godina je premalo, zar mi ne bi mogao dati 20 godina što neče magarac, 15 što ih odbije pas i 10 što ne htije majmun?
I usliši Gospodin čovjeka i načini ga takvim.

I tako čovjek živi 30 godina kao čovjek, zatim se oženi i živi 20 godina kao magarac, radeči od zore do sumraka i tegleči na svojim ledima teret obitelji. Potom ode u mirovinu i živi 15 godina poput psa, čuvajuči kuču i jeduči što mu daju. I na kraju, živi još 10 godina kao majmun, skačuči od stana do stana svoje djece i krevelječi se da zabavi unuke.

Pope and the Jewish Community of Rome Debate

About a century or two ago, the Pope challenged the Jewish community of Rome to a debate. The Jews looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. So they finally picked an old man named Moishe, who spent his life sweeping up after people, to represent them. Being old and poor, he had less to lose, so he agreed. He asked only for one addition to the rules of debate. Not being used to saying very much, he asked that neither side be allowed to talk.  The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple.  The Pope stood up and said, “I give up. This man is too good. The Jews win.”

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened.  The Pope said, “First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger, to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?”

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe, amazed that this old, almost feeble-minded man had done what all their scholars had insisted was impossible. “What happened?” they asked.” Well,” said Moishe, “First he said to me that the Jews had three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here.” “And then?” asked a woman.  “I don’t know,” said Moishe. “He took out his lunch and I took out mine.”