gape wrote on 01.04.2003 at 16:40:42:

Uh? Zdaj mi pa ni nič več jasno. Kaj je bilo v petem elementu tako zelenega?

himynameis wrote on 01.04.2003 at 16:46:04:


To je izraz, ki ga je uporabljal-a voditelj-ica super star tistega radia, ki je poročal o ladji, se mi zdi. Super green

Pride James Bond v en fancy lokal in pri baru sreca cudovito,dolgonogo, dolgolaso in na pravih mestih zaobljeno lepotico.
Vrze ji dolg pogled, nato pa pogleda na uro. In tako se nekajkrat.  
Pa ga ogovori lepotica: Kaj pa je tako zanimivega na uri?
In odvrne James Bond: Ah, tole je najnovejsi model ure. Z njo   komuniciram preko alfa zarkov.
Lepotica: A ja? Kaj ti pa rece tvoja ura?
Bond: Ravnokar mi je povedala, da ne nosis spodnjih hlack.
Lepotica rahlo zardi, potem pa rece: To pa ni res. Saj imam spodnje   hlacke.
Bond pogleda uro, jo potrka in prinese k usesu.  
Nato pa rece:  Jebenti, pa res prehiteva za eno uro!

James ti si car

Izveo Mujo dva psa u setnju. Sretne ga Suljo i kaze:"Bas su lijepi. Jeli ih sam kupas?"
Mujo:"Ovog da"
Suljo:"A ovog  drugog?"
Mujo:"I njega"
Suljo:"A vodis li ih veterinaru?"
Mujo:"Ovog da"
Suljo:"A ovog drugog?"
Mujo:"I  njega"
Mujo:"Ma sto me zajebavas? Ja te fino pitam, a ti mi govoris prvo za jednog psa, pa nakon toga jos za drugog"
Mujo:"To je zato sto je ovaj pas moj"
Suljo:" A ovaj drugi?"
Mujo:"I on".

Trening oz. predpriprava na poletje ...

http://www.x-tremewebhosting.net/jokes/tapette/tapette.html

Moja mati me je naučila …


1.      Moja mati me je naučila spoštovati dobro opravljeno delo: "Če se mislite pobiti med sabo, naredite to zunaj, stanovanje sem pravkar počistila!"

2.      Moja mati me je naučila religije: "Zdaj pa moli, da bo to šlo ven iz preproge!"

3.      Moja mati me je naučila osnov potovanja v času: "Če ne boš sedel vzravnano, ti bom tako pripeljala, da te bo odneslo tri dni daleč!"

4.      Moja mati me je naučila logike: "Zakaj? Zato, ker sem jaz to rekla!"

5.      Moja mati me je naučila še več o logiki: "Če boš padel iz gugalnice in si zlomil vrat, ne boš šel z mano v trgovino!"

6.      Moja mati me je naučila previdnosti: "Nosi vedno čisto perilo, kaj če se ti zgodi nesreča!"

7.      Moja mati me je naučila osnov ironije: "Če se boš še naprej drl, se boš imel zakaj dreti!"

8.      Moja mati me je naučila osnov osmoze: " Zapri usta in jej!"

9.      Moja mati me je naučila ekstremnega zvijanja telesa: "Samo poglej si to umazanijo na svojem vratu!"

10.  Moja mati me je naučila potrpljenja: "Tukaj boš sedel, dokler špinača ne bo izginila!"

11.  Moja mati me je naučila meteorologoje: "Tvoja soba je takšna, kot bi skoznjo šel tornado!"

12.  Moja mati me je naučila hinavščine: "Če sem ti povedala enkrat, sem ti povedala milijonkrat. Ne pretiravaj!"

13.  Moja mati me je naučila primernega vedenja: "Nehaj se obnašati kot oče!"

14.  Moja mati me je naučila zavisti: "Na svetu je na milijone manj srečnih otrok, ki nimajo tako čudovitih staršev kot ti!"

15.  Moja mati me je naučila pričakovati: "Samo počakaj, da pridemo domov!"

16.  Moja mati me je naučila o sprejemanju stvari: "Dobil jih boš, ko pridemo domov."

17.  Moja mati me je naučila osnov medicinskih znanosti: "Če ne boš nehal škiliti, ti bodo oči tako ostale!"

18.  Moja mati me je naučila špijonaže: "Obleci si pulover! Mar misliš da ne vem, kdaj ti je hladno?"

19.  Moja mati me je naučila humorja: "Ko ti bo kosilnica porezala prste na nogah, nikar ne tekaj za mano!"

20.  Moja mati me je naučila kako odrasteš: "Če ne poješ zelenjave, ne boš nikoli zrastel!"

21.  Moja mati me je naučila osnov genetike: "Prav tak si, kot oče."

22.  Moja mati me je naučila, da se zavedam svojih korenin: "Zapri vrata za sabo! Misliš, da imaš rep?"

23.  Moja mati me je naučila modrosti: "Ko boš star toliko kot jaz, boš že razumel."

Če vam grejo verižna pisma na jetra, jim pošljite tole nazaj:

Hello, my name is ******. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams,extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion crappity smacking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show.

I mean come on, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big crappity smack YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing, because I hate nothing more than to see these god damned chain letters. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some "omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't crappity smacking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>>>Make a wish!!!
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>
> > >>>
>>>> >>
> > >>>
> > >>>Damn, it's old already
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>
> > >>>
> > >>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>>
> > > >>
> > >>>No, really, go on and make one!!!
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!!
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>
> > >>>Who the hell really does type all these crappity smacking carrots anyway?
> > >>>
> > >
> > >>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>Is your finger getting tired yet?
> > >>
> > >>
>>
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > >>
> > >
> > >>>
> > >>
> > >
> >>
> > STOP!!!!
> Wasn't that fun?
> Hope you made a great wish
> Not really, you could burn in hell for all I care
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of pig crap. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them this stupid letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no lower torso,no parents, and no goats...This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little, Starving, Armless, Legless, Lower Torsoless, Parentless, and Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of smelly bulls-t. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.

So this is how it works:
Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently recieved this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

*Bizarre Horror Story #3
Byron White was a nondescript albino boy. He was content with just reading his emails and responding to chain letters. One day without realizing, he deleted a chain letter. Needless to say, he was beaten, tortured, and raped by short little midget men we call pygmies. They felt it was their duty to rape and kill Byron for failing to pass on a chain letter.

Chain Letter Type 4:
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a yankees hat and full of assholes.
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life.
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad chimpanzees, then thrown to vicious dogs to be scarfed down like the table scraps you are.
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...
* no, sorry that's the cleaning lady.
A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.

The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete the crappity smacking thing. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, raped by mad cows, and whose only saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?