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http://www.gape.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl General >> Knjige & Filmi & Slike & Glasba >> If it hurts, it's not love http://www.gape.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?num=1059055542 Message started by Marjana on 24.07.2003 at 16:05:42

Title: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 24.07.2003 at 16:05:42

Našla eno krasno stran ki ti najključno izbere misel:
http://www.gaia-mind.com/interact/random_hurts.asp

LOVE IS GIVING EVERYTHING, WHILE HOLDING ON TO NOTHING

Love does not ask for security, love just asks to be able to love. Nothing can stop our love. No matter if the person rejects us, or if they run away from us, they cannot stop us from loving them. Love asks for no guarantees. Love asks for no insurance. Love just wants to love, to give everything. In that love is a birthing, a fire that purifies. In that love is the greatness of being. In that love is all vision and purpose in life. The love that we give opens us to a new level of feeling, and a new level of joy.

Today, give by letting go. Be willing to let go in any areas where you have looked for insurance, or for some formal way of holding on. Imagine giving yourself totally, one hundred percent, all of you, for when you do, there is no need for control.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by gape on 24.07.2003 at 16:29:36

lepa stranica ...

HAPPINESS THAT COMES FROM WITHIN CANNOT BE LOST

The happiness that is generated within us cannot be taken away. If, however, we depend on outer things for our happiness, we lose it when those things change. As we are willing to keep generating the happiness within and give it, even in difficult times, the happiness in our relationship will never be lost. When we give love and happiness, especially in difficult situations, we heal and grow immensely; our joy is increased.

Today, look at any situation where your happiness seems to be dependent on outside things. With a little shift, give that happiness from within you. When you are generating happiness, everyone gets the benefit, everyone is nurtured, and everyone moves forward.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by EvaZh on 24.07.2003 at 20:21:55

tale cel gaia site je fajn

PAIN IS AN AREA WHERE I HAVE CUT THE LINES OF RELATEDNESS

Pain is a place where we have removed ourself from the situation because it seemed too difficult, where we have pulled back from others because we didn't like what they were doing. By deciding not to recognise the relationship, we cut ourself off and we are suffering as a result. Even years later, we suffer as we get in touch with subconscious places where we cut the threads of connection with old friends and family members, or with parts of ourself.

Today, see who comes to your mind as someone with whom you are called to reconnect. Reach out to them and extend yourself so you can remove the pain you are experiencing. Allow yourself to feel the connection with all of those people as you mend the lines of relatedness.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 25.07.2003 at 12:01:48

ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE NO-FAULT RELATIONSHIPS

Everyone is doing the very best they can given their inner and outer circumstances. If we begin to look at relationships as no-fault where no one is to blame, then we begin to look at relationships in a true light. Any time there is blame, a relationship stops growing and begins to die. The faults we see in the world or in others is really the reflection of the hidden, or not so hidden, faults in ourself. If we look at all of our relationships as no-fault relationships, then we will keep progressing in every relationship we have.

Today, make a decision for all of your relationships to become no-fault. Make a list of all the places where you have blame going towards someone. You will probably find you have some sort of judgement or blame going toward everyone around you. Your willingness to see them and yourself as innocent allows everyone to move forward and receive more.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 25.07.2003 at 22:02:55

Uh, bere mi misli... :o :D

MY RELATIONSHIP IS MY FASTEST PATH FOR GROWTH

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by miriam on 27.07.2003 at 08:09:54

GUILT ALWAYS HIDES FEAR

Guilt is a place where we have made a monument to a mistake and left the path of life to worship at this monument. It has us withdraw and, then, withholds us from the people we love. We may feel we have made a mistake in relation to our partner and now feel guilty about it, but guilt not only reinforces the mistake, it starves our partner of the very love and nurturing they need. Forgiving ourself cuts through the guilt and allows us to give the love and nurturing. Guilt keeps us stuck like the great super glue of life; the primary reason for our guilt is so we don't have to move forward and face the next step. Our willingness to allow the next step to emerge cuts through fear in much the same way that forgiveness cuts through guilt.

Today, consider how you have used your guilt, or bad feelings, to hold yourself back because you are afraid of the future. Look at how you have been living in the past because you are afraid the future will be the same. Be willing to release your guilt so the future can reveal a greater horizon and call you forward to it; you have no need to be afraid of your future. Make a choice to no longer be held hostage to a mistake that you have turned into self-punishment by arrogantly belittling yourself and making life all about you. Life is not about you, personally, it is about happiness or the healing that brings about happiness for you. Guilt refuses to learn this lesson. Your choice to release your guilt (and hidden guilt where we blame others by making them guilty) is your willingness to be happy.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by sparkle on 27.07.2003 at 13:44:50

evo men tut tale gaia stranica bere misli 8) :o

WORKING TOO HARD IN THE PRESENT IS BECAUSE I HAVE NOT LET GO OF THE PAST

Working too hard is a compensation for bad feelings. Often, we become so good at our work that when we work, we feel we are our best self, but workaholism points to something from the past we have not let go of. It means there is some kind of judgement, conflict, or pain; there is some kind of old feeling that we are still hanging on to. As we let it go, we naturally move into a place of balancing our work situation where we work just enough, and have the courage to deal with whatever feelings come up from within us. Our willingness to find what we are still hanging on to from the past and let it go, allows us to work in a way that is much truer and more effective.

Today, examine situations where you seem to be working too hard, where life seems to be too much of a burden. Realise that this is an area where you have not let go of something, where you carry a grievance. Ask yourself what that is. Be willing to let it go, now, because your grievance is killing you.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 29.07.2003 at 09:46:16

Hmmm...

HEAVEN CAN ONLY BE ENTERED TWO BY TWO

Heaven is a state of consciousness full of joy, love and ecstasy. Only through forgiveness, surrender and creativity, do we give ourself fully and enter that state of love that opens Heaven. All these things - forgiveness, surrender, creativity - involve togetherness. Heaven can only be entered two by two. While every grievance holds us both back and locks us in hell, our forgiveness frees both ourself and the other to enter Heaven. Whereas hell is a state in consciousness of feeling utterly alone and tortured, Heaven is a state of sharing and oneness with others.

Today, let come into your mind the person who can best lead you into Heaven. It could be someone you are having the hardest time with, or it could be the person that you are loving the most. Feel yourself bridging the gap between that person and you. Feel yourself forgiving them, reaching out for them, accepting them, and drawing them into you. Feel the light within you joining and, as you do, feel that sense of joy within you grow.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by ten-nej on 29.07.2003 at 13:51:30

[glb]Sticks and stones may brake your bones, but love will always hurt you.[/glb](Shaun Ryder)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 29.07.2003 at 13:59:36

t wrote on 29.07.2003 at 13:51:30:

[glb] but love will always hurt you.[/glb](Shaun Ryder)

če si skoz to dopoveduješ... ;)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by aryan on 29.07.2003 at 14:05:45

m wrote on 29.07.2003 at 13:59:36:

če si skoz to dopoveduješ... ;)

a ce bi si pa kej druzga dopovedval (sugeriral) bi se pa tist zgodil?

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by ten-nej on 29.07.2003 at 14:45:01

m wrote on 29.07.2003 at 13:59:36:

če si skoz to dopoveduješ... ;)

ne izven konteksta ;)

uživajte!

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 30.07.2003 at 10:49:07

WHEN I JOIN OTHERS IN THEIR PLACE OF ISOLATION, THEY HEAL AND I RECEIVE A GIFT

When people around us have withdrawn and isolated themselves because the experiences of life have been so painful, we are being asked to recognise that they need us. In fact, any problem of life is a result of this withdrawal. We can find that cave within them where they have hidden, and stand outside, pouring our love toward them, smiling because we love them enough to see where they've hidden themselves. As we join them, our love will move them toward and into healing. It will get them moving forward once again. As they move forward, responding to how much we've cared for them, they will come out of their isolation, illness, and pain. We also receive a gift.

Today, there is one person that you are called upon to reach out to, a person who has withdrawn. Let them come to your mind and, even before you begin to move toward them physically in any way, move toward them in your mind's eye. See yourself joining with them. Your caring, love, and responsiveness will make a world of difference to them. It will make a world of difference to you, too.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 30.07.2003 at 11:16:25

ANY JUDGEMENT AGAINST OTHERS IS A JUDGEMENT AGAINST MYSELF

We cannot judge unless we are feeling guilty about something. Otherwise, we would simply see that a mistake has been made and, with our support, it can easily be corrected. When we feel guilty about a mistake or something similar we have repressed, then our guilt will come out as a judgement against someone else. This will keep us stuck with our guilt and what we have judged. If we will only forgive, we will not have to search our subconscious mind to find where all our hidden guilt is. Forgiveness not only releases our partner or the person we have judged, it re-establishes their innocence, and it re-establishes our innocence. What we, or they, have done is not a sin. It is just a mistake. A mistake can be corrected, but a sin is almost impossible to correct. We obsess about a sin, coming back to it again and again in our mind until eventually we bury our guilt and project it onto others. This, of course, is a situation that keeps us from growing.

Today, take a look at the person you are judging the most. Just for a moment, imagine that the very thing you are judging them for is true about you. Dwell on that quality until you actually begin to feel, "Yes, this is guilt I have hidden away, but this is not true about me, either. I'm not going to hold this against them, because I'm not going to hold it against myself." Getting in touch with that hidden feeling and burning it, or just refusing to hold it against them so you are set free, allows the whole situation to move forward.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 31.07.2003 at 14:08:45

THE PURPOSE OF EVERY ENEMY IS TO BRING BACK A LONG-BURIED PIECE OF MY MIND

Enemies are of great benefit to us as we recognise that they embody a piece of us that we lost long ago. As we realise this, they can be a partner for us. Our willingness to forgive and trust in this, brings the split part of ourself back for us to fully integrate. The force of the energy that this enemy brings against us is always brought for our own healing. If we do not resist the energy, but allow it to move into us, we leap up to a higher level of consciousness. The amount of energy they throw against us actually reflects the amount of our own energy we use against ourself at a deeper level in our mind. The first step to healing is in recognising what our enemy is showing us. Then, as we appreciate them as someone who is giving us a signal about a long-lost piece of ourself that we have judged, it can be recovered.

Today, take a look at your enemy. What is the quality or qualities about them that you are fighting against? Have you ever acted in this way? If you cannot remember acting like this, was there anyone close around you who did act that way? What feeling would it take for you or anyone to be acting in this fashion? If you cannot identify with the feeling, then ask yourself what is the feeling underneath it that drove the behaviour? When you finally get to a feeling you can identify with, recognise you and your enemy are feeling the same thing. Allow this to be the bridge of compassion and commonality that joins you to this person who had been your enemy. The more you use the bridge, the more you understand and find your common purpose.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 11.08.2003 at 10:06:18

IF FEELING IS SHUT DOWN, I CREATE DRAMA AND PAIN IN ORDER TO FEEL ALIVE

When we cannot feel the energy within us, or the natural excitement of our emotions as they run through us, we create drama or pain to make ourself feel something. If feeling is shut down we create more drama and more pain in order to feel alive. People who have not been able to feel, often go to greater and greater lengths to feel something; sometimes, even to the extent of creating violence. When we are fully aware of any emotion, even if it is negative, we feel excitement because we know we are healing; we are aware of all the nuances of the sensations as we feel them. What we call emotion and pain is really just how energy expresses itself in certain situations. Our willingness to feel, to open ourself up, brings us back to feeling alive without having to create drama, negativity, or pain.

Today, allow yourself to take the time simply to feel things. Take a situation that is dramatic, painful, or unpleasant, and concentrate on the strongest sensation. Then allow yourself to feel fully how it changes as you focus on it. Now pay attention to exactly how the energy of the next sensation manifests itself. Experiencing and embracing every sensation allows both physical and emotional pain to release and unfold. As you apply yourself to this, you find a method of self-healing that you can use in any situation. Healing through experiencing yourself feels good. Moving forward feels good.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 11.08.2003 at 10:18:46

WHEN MY PARTNER IS POLARISED, INTEGRATION WILL TAKE ME TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL

All healing at some level has to do with integration - recovering the hidden and fragmented parts of ourself, and integrating them. In a relationship when we are polarised, our partner is expressing something that is calling us to integrate, calling us to go to a higher level. When we integrate an opposite, we do not get any of its negative aspects, we only receive its power and energy. The integration always shows itself in the highest possible form, containing both our energies; hence, each of us feels we have succeeded.

Today, see yourself actually holding miniaturised forms of your partner in one hand and you in the other; your partner represents one part of the truth, you the other part. Now melt them both down to their pure energy so you are just holding two hands full of energy and light - the most basic building block of the Universe. Notice, there is no difference between the energy in one hand and the energy in the other. Now as you bring your hands together so your fingers interlock, the energies join together into one form. You may see a new image, a new symbol, and a new way begin to emerge out of all that energy, or it may stay as a glowing form of energy. Allow all this newness to come into your life, joining you and your partner.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 12.08.2003 at 11:15:23

GIVING UP A JUDGEMENT KEEPS ME FROM BEING STUCK WITH WHAT I HAVE JUDGED

If we judge, we are stuck with what we have judged. Judgement gives us a sense of being right, but it does not move us forward. Our willingness to be wrong allows things to keep moving forward. Our willingness not to know all of the answers means we can be taught something; if we are a full glass of water, nothing can be poured into us. Our judgement says, "Nothing can be taught to me. I have all the answers, and I am stuck." Choosing to give up our judgement and recognise that there may be more to this situation than meets the eye, allows us to see with greater perspective and be shown the way in this situation. If we have the answer, we cannot be taught; however, there is always something to learn.

Today, take a moment to discover what you are judging and, therefore, stuck with. Be willing to let it go. Imagine that you placed your judgement on a little boat that went down a swift river, flowing out to sea and moving out of your mind. There, coming toward you from upriver, is the answer, the next step in the situation. Only when you let go of the little boat carrying your judgement can your ship come in. One powerful form of affirmation might be: "I hope I'm wrong, because if I'm right, this is what I get."

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 12.08.2003 at 13:40:06

IF ANYONE IS THE BAD GUY, EVERYONE LOSES

Whenever we judge someone to be the bad guy, we go into power struggle with them; we avoid them or attack them, even if only in our mind. We set up a struggle in which we are trying not to be affected by them, or we are trying to beat them. Anywhere someone loses, whether they lose or we lose, we have all lost. We have created a situation where somebody has to pay the bill. Guess who it is going to be? This judgement is actually just a way of hiding things that need to be handled or communicated. It is a projection of our own self-judgement. As we are willing to look beyond "good guys - bad guys," and move beyond our competition to understand, there is a place, paradoxically enough, where both of us could be satisfied - now and in the future.

Today, choose for everyone to win. Close your eyes, relax, and think of the person you are judging. Who is it that you believe is wrong? Who is it that you believe is the bad guy? Ask the part of your mind that has all the answers to take care of this problem, and to show you that paradoxical way that everyone can win, not only now, but also throughout eternity. Do not stop until everyone can win.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 13.08.2003 at 13:46:25

LETTING SOMEONE ABUSE YOU IS NOT A SERVICE TO ANYONE

It is important to give ourself basic respect, and to ask for self-respect from those around us. Letting someone abuse us is not a service to anyone. Respecting ourself is to not allow ourself to be abused. It is important to prevent people from harming us, not only for us, but because, later, their guilt will create a vicious cycle of either withdrawal or recurrent attacks. Sometimes, the ego puts us in situations where we get abused, and we let it happen because of our concepts of non-violence or feelings of weakness. We put ourself in abusive situations because, in some way, we feel guilty and feel we need to sacrifice ourself. Every form of abuse is a place where we get others to punish us for subconscious guilt. As they punish us, it increases their guilt and, therefore, their self-abuse also. In any situation where we are feeling emotionally or, even, physically abused, doing whatever it takes to prevent the other person from abusing us is crucial, for it will not help anyone. Sometimes, we need to communicate very strongly with them or, sometimes, we might need to remove ourself from the situation because of the nature of the event. In either case, but especially if we remove ourself, if we keep pouring love and support toward the person, the situation will begin unfolding for us.

Today, be willing to explore the guilt you are feeling that is creating the situation, because you can change it instantly. Ask yourself, "If I were to know, at what age did this guilt spring up?" Then ask, "With whom did it come about?" Now ask, "What was happening that I felt guilty about?" Remember, guilt is a mistake. Resolve to heal it. In whatever situation you were in, you left your centre. Ask the Universe to carry you back to your centre, and from there, to help you extend the light within you to assist everyone back to their centre, and even to deeper centres within you as needed for a feeling of peace and innocence. Notice how good all of you feel at this point. Bring all of this good feeling into your present situation and see how this affects it.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 14.08.2003 at 09:20:08

ALL SACRIFICE IS UNWORTHINESS

Sacrifice comes from the illusion that if we give up our own self, we can let the other person carry us forward. We are willing to do anything for a person just so we can use their selfhood for our sense of identity. All sacrifice is unworthiness. It cheats our partner as well as ourself because we cannot receive their gifts, and they get what we consider to be damaged goods, something picked up at the discount counter. As we value ourself, we find we are creative enough to reach a solution without having to give up our position or our selfhood.

Today is a day to begin to value yourself and find your true centre. Choose to live your truth rather than someone else's. Ask your Higher Mind to carry you back to your centre. It is a place of peace, innocence, true value and relatedness. Give yourself the most valuable gift of all - you.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 14.08.2003 at 15:06:34

BEING TRUE TO MYSELF MEANS I CANNOT BE FALSE TO ANYONE

When we are true to ourself and stand in our own centre, we have a natural direction and purpose to our life. Sometimes, people around us become uncomfortable when we are in our centre because living our truth reawakens them. It asks them not to live comfortably in areas where they are stuck in roles and duties. Even though we make them uncomfortable, we are not being false to them. Being truly committed to ourself makes it impossible to betray anyone because truth for ourself allows us to extend the truth to others; it allows them to take their next step also.

Today, take a look at all the different areas where you could be truer to yourself. Where something is difficult, you are not being true to yourself. It is also important to note that it is not necessarily what you are doing that may be untrue, it may be how you are doing it. Sometimes, you may be doing something for approval that seems to help you in the short run, but will lead to failure in the long run. In areas where you are true to yourself, you are receiving, and things naturally flow with a certain ease, so now is the time to be true to yourself. By living this truth, you are true to everyone else.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Amstel on 14.08.2003 at 22:06:35

TO THE EXTENT I AM INDULGENT IS TO THE EXTENT I AM IN SACRIFICE

When we indulge we are compensating for all the sacrifice we are doing. If we were just truly giving, we would have to be truly receiving. There would be no need to indulge - with food, work, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc. - which wears us out as much as our sacrifice does. A vicious cycle of indulgence/sacrifice is set up as we indulge, then feel guilty we have indulged, and then go into sacrifice to make up for the guilt. The cycle repeats as we burn out from the sacrifice, because we then feel it's okay to indulge ourself and do exactly what we want, with a certain level of rebellion or resentment toward those to whom we feel in sacrifice.

Today, look at the areas where you have indulgences or addictions. Are you a workaholic? Are you a foodaholic? Take a clear look at where you feel you are not in the centre of your own life. Where you are not in the centre, where you are not being true to yourself, you are in sacrifice. Come to the centre of your life, and move out of the indulgence and sacrifice. Imagine there is a centre in you. What percentage from 0 - 100 did you get off your centre? (Usually readings of 30% - 80% reflect heavy sacrifice, while 80% - 100% reflect self destructiveness in the cycle of sacrifice and indulgence.) What experience took you off your centre? Go back there now, and choose, once again, to centre yourself. At this point, from your centre, you can give the gift that the people around you really need. This gift is part of who you are.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 15.08.2003 at 13:19:21

EXPECTATIONS RUIN EXPERIENCES

Expectations ruin experience because they place a demand on the situation to meet our needs. However, there is a good chance that our needs will not be met even if the situation lives up to our plan (our picture of how it should be). Our plan is a way of ritually killing all the inspiration of the event. Expectations are different from goals, which are good to have because they invite us forward and are much more productive and successful. If we miss the deadline or goal, we simply re-set it, which facilitates moving forward. If we miss an expectation, we beat ourself up and make ourself feel bad, which does not facilitate moving forward.

Today, be aware of your expectations. Willingly let go of how you think it should be, so you can be taught by the Universe about what is the best way for you. Trust that, at the very deepest level, everything works out for the best for your healing and growth. If you are willing to let an experience be anything that it is and make full contact in any situation, you will have a much greater chance for happiness. If you have an event coming up where you might have expectations, imagine the event as a city at the end of a beautiful, emerald river. See yourself getting into a little boat and launching it into this gentle river. As the boat moves out into the current, just relax and watch the scenery go by. The river itself carries you toward the city, your goal, and it feels so easy. There is no effort necessary. As your goal calls you, there is nothing to do - just relax and enjoy.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 18.08.2003 at 11:17:38

BEING A ROCK MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY I AM SORRY

Rocks hate guilt. They hate guilt because they feel so guilty. They believe that somewhere in their lives they have totally blown it and they have not really forgiven themselves for it. This is why they are out to save the world - to make up for their guilt. They feel as if they have made such a big mistake that they need to sacrifice themselves, but because of the inner guilt, whatever sacrifice they make is never enough. Rocks hate apologising because it feels as if they are admitting how incredibly guilty they feel inside. Swamps are always apologising and abasing themselves. They do not feel that they have done something wrong, but that something is wrong with them. This is why they could not receive all of the love and attention they felt they needed as a child, and why they feel that they never get enough love now. No matter how much the rock sacrifices or gives to them, it is never quite enough to reassure them. Swamps are also really good at communicating what is not working, so they are good at complaining or criticising. Rocks hate criticism, however, and will tend to overwork or learn things overmuch just so they will not be criticised. For swamps, however, nothing is ever quite good enough. Rocks are always playing "rock-man-enough", trying to prove to the world how they survived in spite of how tough it was, sometimes doing stupid thing in testing their limits because they are trying to prove themselves to get over the basic guilt. Their motto is, "No matter how hard it is, I can take it." Swamps can't take anything. If they get complaints or criticism, they tend to fold, disappear, run away or go into even more swamp-like behaviour. As we begin to understand the differing communication styles, we can see how it is a perfect situation for mutual misunderstanding. In recognising that we have found our natural partner, we can embrace what we are missing, embrace our partner and move ourself, our partner, and our relationship forward.

Today, spend time appreciating your partner. They have to act out what you are missing. The swamp's super-sensitivity makes up for the rock's lack of sensitivity. To the extent the rock is out of touch, the swamp will complain about everything. Together, you can really balance and move forward. You can bring humour into the situation as you understand each other and the role that each of you has played. Now, it is time to move out of these roles, and find a communication style that works much better for both of you. Editor's Note: "Rock" and "swamp" are terms used by Dr. Spezzano to describe two completely different styles of communication in relationship. Refer to Lesson 276.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by LittleStar on 18.08.2003 at 16:23:02

"If it hurts, it's not love"
:-/
Jaz mam gledišče (mogoče globje razumevanje), da:
LOVE HURTS (In to ne pomeni, da če ne boli, ni ljubezen ::))

Drugače pa fajn link.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 19.08.2003 at 11:11:18

A ROLE IS THE COSTUME FOR AN UNMOURNED LOSS

If we do not deal with our losses by experiencing all the feelings, we do not make a new beginning. Instead, we costume the loss with the role of dependence, independence or being the untrue helper. If because of this loss we take on the role of dependence, we will now act very needy, but the role itself does not allow us to receive. If we adopt the independent role, we act as if the loss did not matter to us and that we do not care. Saying we do not care, though, really hints of how much we do care. If we mask this unmourned loss with the role of the untrue helper, we are always helping everyone with their pain, but covering up our own. Somehow, this never quite helps us move forward because we limit our capacity to help others.

Today, take a look at what you have used to move away from your old losses. Are you in a state of dependence, independence, or in the helping role? What is the loss you have not recovered from? Allow yourself to feel the feelings of loss, not as the adult you are, but as the child inside who still mourns that loss. Allow yourself, as that child, to finish the mourning process, and birth inside you what this role has hidden. As you are willing to move past your roles and allow this birth to take place, you will move forward and have a greater capacity to help others in your life.

http://www.gaia-mind.com/interact/hurts/

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 20.08.2003 at 12:04:02

EVERY FAILURE HIDES REVENGE

When we fail, we are getting back at significant people around us, especially our partner. Every failure in life is also a form of revenge on our parents. As we are willing to look at all the places where we feel we have failed in our life, and especially where we are failing now, we can begin letting all of this go, which opens a way for us to succeed. Revenge and hurt go hand-in-hand. Where we are getting revenge, we will still feel hurt. All hurt contracts us. Every time we have been hurt, we made our heart smaller. When we get hurt, we go into contraction because we, somehow, feel insulted by what has happened; we, somehow, feel as if we have been belittled. When we feel hurt or resistant, we are using the situation to make ourself feel even smaller than we are. Revenge and failure can continue long after we have forgotten or repressed an old hurt. It is important to pull ourself out of the contraction when we are aware of it. Any kind of responsiveness will do this, any kind of forgiveness or giving. Many other things create flow, such as appreciation, understanding, trust, integration, letting go, and commitment. They move us out of this stuckness and contraction where our heart freezes, where we lock ourself into a certain mode of acting - a defensiveness - until we can deal with the pain.

Today, ask yourself, "Who am I getting revenge on? What am I getting revenge for?" Once you have made a little list of these particular things, ask yourself, "Am I willing to keep failing in my life just so I can get back at these people?" As you are willing to move forward, your playfulness is a way of moving beyond any kind of contraction. Play creates flow. Be willing to share anything that needs to be shared, but be playful about that sharing. See how much you can play today, and how much you can get yourself into the flow. Play is the little sister of creativity, so treat it well. It will release old feelings of hurt and revenge, if you allow it to do so.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 20.08.2003 at 16:37:30

ABUNDANCE IS THE RESULT OF WILLINGNESS TO RECEIVE

We say that we desire certain things that we do not have. When we look into our mind, however, we realise that what we lack, we do not want. We do not want it because, for some reason, we are afraid to have it. For example, if we believe that a good person should not be rich, abundant, or have too much sexual satisfaction, we will either be good without the riches, or bad with abundance. The fear is stronger than having abundance because our belief says that it is bad. The more we complain about not having what we think we want, the more we are actually afraid of having it. If we check out our belief system and fear level, we may be kidding ourself about what we say we really want. The problem is with neither the situation, nor is it another person. It is with ourself. The willingness to change our attitude, have courage and open ourself to a new level, find our hidden fears, and look at our belief systems allows us to see and let go of what is stopping our abundance. Somewhere we have valued an idea or a certain feeling (maybe guilt, maybe fear) more than what we think we want.

Today, let the negative beliefs that stop you from what you want come to your mind. Let go of whatever belief or feeling stands in the way of your receiving. Imagine yourself being filled with what you want.

:-/

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 21.08.2003 at 11:57:01

IF I DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP, IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE CLOSED THE DOOR

Sometimes, at the end of a relationship, we shut the door because of our feelings of pain and anger. Then, we shut the door on all relationships and completely repress the fact that we did so. After a certain amount of time, when we go out looking for a relationship, no matter how long, how hard, or in how many directions we look, no eligible person seems to be around. We cannot seem to find anyone eligible who interests us; it is because we have shut the door. The good news is that we can open the door right now - flinging it wide and beginning again.

Today, if you are not in a relationship, when did you close the door? If you are already in a relationship, you might take a look at what seems to be missing, because where you are missing something, you have closed the door to that particular quality. Why did you shut the door? Imagine you are swinging the door wide open. It is your door, so if it is locked, guess what? You have the key. As soon as you open the door, what you are missing will come your way.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 25.08.2003 at 12:05:22

BEING A VICTIM IS A FORM OF ATTACK

All of us have been victims at times. Typically, these are the most painful, traumatic times of our life because they seem to come from situations that surprise us, even blind-side us. We seem to be attacked from an unexpected quarter. It is true, however, that we reap what we sow; therefore, more is going on in a victim situation than meets the eye. There is as much violence in a victim as there is in a victimiser. A victimiser sends the violence outward, while the victim directs the violence, firstly, against themselves and, secondly, towards someone else. Every time we are victimised, we attack some person who is significant to us. We might even be attacking someone who died long ago, but we typically attack the people who are around us now. Being a victim is a state of unawareness, a way of being and staying angry. To take it to its deepest metaphysical level, it is a form of attack that says, "I'll show you, God. I'll show you that you are not such a good God. I'll suffer and be unhappy here on your earth." As we let go of being a victim, which is to stop attacking others through attacking ourself, we become willing to receive. We are then surrounded by abundance, love and support.

Today, take some time to sit down and write out ten major incidents where you were a victim. Next to each incident, write down who it was you were attacking and, then, what it was you were attacking them for. Recognise how being a victim was just a natural part of your power struggle with them. Make a choice about whether or not you want the attack to continue. If you have kept who you were attacking a secret from yourself, there is still an element of being a victim, and attack is still going on. It is holding you back, so ask for help to realise who this is. Choose to stop attacking, thereby, freeing yourself and everyone concerned.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 26.08.2003 at 10:30:40

TEMPTATION OCCURS WHEN A NEW LEVEL IS ABOUT TO BE REACHED

Temptation is a distraction that we use to delay ourself. Anything that delays us from moving forward is our personal conspiracy against our greatness. This only serves our fear, even when the fear is of having it all be so good. A temptation diverts our mind from the step we are about to take. If we refuse the temptation, we simply allow ourself to move forward. If we bring our energy back into the relationship, the quality of what was tempting us will develop in our relationship within the next two weeks. Our willingness to keep that particular energy flowing toward our primary relationship makes the relationship stronger and more fulfilling. Sometimes, when we refuse to yield to the temptation on a physical level, our mind keeps lingering on a particular quality the other person has that we think would somehow meet our needs. The ego serves that temptation up to us when the need is just about to be met in our primary relationship. If we take the temptation, our mind is split, our time is wasted, and we move in two directions at once. Problems and pain are bound to ensue. When we have personal connections there is, typically, a sexual attraction too. Many times when we feel these kinds of energies, we run or jump in to indulge ourself. However, if we choose to move forward with integrity, when we get to a certain closeness, a love energy emerges that makes all of the sexual energy safe. If we indulge ourself without discernment, many times the guilt or problems that ensue cause us to lose the connection. All connection we feel with others is really about a creative energy or project that is there for both of us.

Today, look closely at what is tempting you. Be willing to move that energy toward your primary relationship. As you do, your relationship will begin to unfold and give you new gifts; in fact, even the very quality of the gift that tempted you. :D

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by ten-nej on 26.08.2003 at 10:40:20

LOVE IS GIVING EVERYTHING, WHILE HOLDING ON TO NOTHING

HAPPINESS THAT COMES FROM WITHIN CANNOT BE LOST

PAIN IS AN AREA WHERE I HAVE CUT THE LINES OF RELATEDNESS

ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE NO-FAULT RELATIONSHIPS

MY RELATIONSHIP IS MY FASTEST PATH FOR GROWTH

GUILT ALWAYS HIDES FEAR

WORKING TOO HARD IN THE PRESENT IS BECAUSE I HAVE NOT LET GO OF THE PAST

HEAVEN CAN ONLY BE ENTERED TWO BY TWO

Sticks and stones may brake your bones, but love will always hurt you.

WHEN I JOIN OTHERS IN THEIR PLACE OF ISOLATION, THEY HEAL AND I RECEIVE A GIFT

ANY JUDGEMENT AGAINST OTHERS IS A JUDGEMENT AGAINST MYSELF

THE PURPOSE OF EVERY ENEMY IS TO BRING BACK A LONG-BURIED PIECE OF MY MIND

IF FEELING IS SHUT DOWN, I CREATE DRAMA AND PAIN IN ORDER TO FEEL AL

WHEN MY PARTNER IS POLARISED, INTEGRATION WILL TAKE ME TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL

GIVING UP A JUDGEMENT KEEPS ME FROM BEING STUCK WITH WHAT I HAVE JUDGE

IF ANYONE IS THE BAD GUY, EVERYONE LOSES

LETTING SOMEONE ABUSE YOU IS NOT A SERVICE TO ANYONE

ALL SACRIFICE IS UNWORTHINESS

BEING TRUE TO MYSELF MEANS I CANNOT BE FALSE TO ANYONE

TO THE EXTENT I AM INDULGENT IS TO THE EXTENT I AM IN SACRIFICE

EXPECTATIONS RUIN EXPERIENCES

BEING A ROCK MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY I AM SORRY

A ROLE IS THE COSTUME FOR AN UNMOURNED LOSS

EVERY FAILURE HIDES REVENGE

ABUNDANCE IS THE RESULT OF WILLINGNESS TO RECEIVE

IF I DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP, IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE CLOSED THE DOOR

I JOIN WITH SOMEONE WHO IS ATTACKING ME

BEING A VICTIM IS A FORM OF ATTACK

WHAT I REJECT IN MY PARENTS MY PARTNER ACTS OUT

TEMPTATION OCCURS WHEN A NEW LEVEL IS ABOUT TO BE REACHED

Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity a greater.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by aryan on 26.08.2003 at 12:06:41

"In our present state, sex appears both beautiful and ugly at once; beautiful in terms of its promise; ugly in terms of its failure to deliver the goods of unending amour."

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 27.08.2003 at 05:31:22

THE GREATEST FEAR IS THE FEAR OF HAPPINESS

It is easy to see that people are less afraid of death than they are of happiness. As we look around, we know of many people who are dead or dying, considerably less people who are happy and, even more rare, people in happy relationships. Our greatest fear is of happiness, which can also be said is the fear of Love, or the fear of God. To find God means we would be totally obedient, we would have all the answers to our life, and we would be totally happy. The fear of happiness is our fear of surrendering this much, of having to let go of our way of doing things, and of having to melt down all the blocks, controls, and rules we set up to live our life the way we are.

Today, let go of your thoughts about what brings you happiness. It is time to resign as your own teacher. Ask Heaven to specifically show you what would make you happy, and to give you the strength to enjoy it.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by ten-nej on 27.08.2003 at 08:28:15

WFL (Wrote For Luck)

I wrote for luck.
They sent me you.
I sent for juice.
You give me poision.
I hold the line.
You form the queue.
Try anything hard.
Is there anything else you can do?
Well not much - I've not been trained.
I can sit and stand, beg n' roll over.
I don't read.
I just guess.
There's more than one sign.
But it's getting less.
And you were wet.
But you're getting dryer.
You use to speak the truth.
But now you're liar.
You use to speak the truth.
But now you're clever.

And I wrote for luck.
And they sent me you.
And I sent for juice.
You give me poision.
I hold the line.
You form the queue.
Try anything hard.
Is there anything else you can do?
And you were wet.
But you're getting dryer.
You use to speak the truth.
But now you're clever.
You use to speak the truth.
But now you're clever.
And when it's hot.
You start to melt.
'Cos you're not made of jean.
You're made of chocolate.
And when it's cold.
You tend to crack.
You keep on piling out.
Not puttin' back ..

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 28.08.2003 at 14:49:48

GUILT HOLDS BACK MY POWER

To the extent we feel guilty we are withdrawn. When we are withdrawn, we punish ourself and we hold back our own power. If we feel guilty, at some level, we feel we are bad. We do not allow ourself to move forward because our badness might show, so we keep ourself withdrawn or, sometimes, we attack. Attack, however, is a form of domination that shows our lack of power and how much we fear.

Today, take any bad or guilty feelings, and place them in the hands of God. In God's hands you can only be innocent. Imagine that you are taking your guilt and sending it out on a little boat. As the boat floats down a swift river, the river cleans all of the guilt out of your mind. It frees you and allows you to step forward. Take a deep breath. Feel all that air coming into your lungs. Feel how much you can receive from life. Feel how much you can allow yourself to naturally be yourself, to express yourself and your power.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 29.08.2003 at 12:15:37

GIVING IS RECEIVING

Giving is one of the best feelings in life. It is to be distinguished from sacrifice, which does not allow us to receive. When we are giving, we are truly feeling our greatness. All that we give automatically opens the door for us to feel good and to receive in the moment. This is why so many of the early native tribes were so generous. Giving allowed them to feel their greatness of spirit. Giving is really a form of receiving. The extent to which we give to a person is the extent to which we feel them giving love to us. They may be totally loving us, but if we are not giving, we will not feel open enough to receive what they are giving back to us. In giving, we recognise what has been within us all the time. In this recognition is the very quality of receiving. We get to receive the very gift or feeling that we are giving; we give, experience, and receive our greatness of spirit.

Today, your task is to imagine you have all the resources in the world, and you can bless people with whatever it is you think they need. Throughout the day, take the time to give to certain people. Support those around you. Give a little bit more. Go beyond yourself. Smile a little bit more. Reach out a little bit more. Let one person come to your mind that you are to give a special gift to, for no good reason, except that it is your joy. Imagine yourself blessing those around you and giving these gifts all day.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 31.08.2003 at 17:23:50

THE LONGER I HOLD ON, THE MORE I LOSE

The longer we hold on, the more we lose. It is really important to know when to let go of our attachments, and allow for a new birth. In any relationship, the more we hold on, the more we lose our attractiveness and, thus, become a burden on our partner. If we are willing to let go of everything we think should be, the relationship can reach a new level of partnership. We may have to let go totally, because if there is any possibility for the relationship to move forward, it will only do so through our willingness to let go.

Today, take a look around and see what you are holding on to. Is it a person, an old lover, or someone who's died? Is it a project? When you let go, look for something outside you to show you which way to move. Just let it go, and see what comes to you; be patient, it may take a few days. Remember, even if the person comes back to you, let them go at every turn so your non-attachment allows the relationship to keep unfolding and your attractiveness to keep growing.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 01.09.2003 at 08:06:22

Uf, Kali, a jih ti za mene odpiraš? ;)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 01.09.2003 at 12:58:01

ANY AREA THAT IS NOT SUCCESSFUL IN MY PRESENT RELATIONSHIP IS A RESULT OF COMPETITION

In subtle and, sometimes, not so subtle ways, every person fights for themselves rather than working for the partnership to succeed. Competition is a lower form of consciousness that leads to power struggle and deadness. It wrecks our relationship because each of us will be trying to take care of our own needs rather than working together and finding common purpose. Competition has us believe that we are either superior or inferior to our partner, which does not support our relationship. Our willingness to heal competition allows for intimacy, contact and communication; all of which spell success.

Today, take a look at where you are not succeeding in your relationship. What are you competing about? When you have found some answers, share these with your partner. Apologise to your partner for making them less or better than you, whichever is the case for each answer. As you begin to acknowledge these things about yourself, you find yourself moving through the competition and your relationship leaps forward. Your openness and willingness to heal all the hidden aspects in your relationship moves you and your partner forward together.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 01.09.2003 at 12:59:05

m wrote on 01.09.2003 at 08:06:22:

Uf, Kali, a jih ti za mene odpiraš? ;)

Odpiram jih zase in za vse, ki se not najdejo, sis! :-*

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 02.09.2003 at 23:19:01

EASE IS HOLDING NOTHING BACK

The extent of our ease is the extent to which we hold nothing back. When we venture everything, we receive from ourself and from life. Ease is a living partnership with our Higher Power, our family and loved ones, and everyone we work with. When we give one hundred percent, everything moves into ease. If we are withholding ourself in any way, things become difficult. Difficulties come from guilt with a certain belief that we can pay off our guilt through giving ourself a hard time. For instance, we would typically have the thought, "I must be a good person. Look at how hard my life is." We compensate for our guilt by our roles, rules, and duties, which are defences and do not allow us to receive; they only lead to difficulties, stuckness, and feelings of deadness. Giving ourself fully, one hundred percent, in any situation, brings ease that moves life and opportunities toward us.

Today, rather than doing things out of rote and habit, choose to give yourself fully. Allow ease to move you forward in partnership. It always says, "You can do this together. You can move forward together in such a way that no one loses." You know this because you have given yourself fully. Together, in partnership, nothing can stop you.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 03.09.2003 at 11:38:41

IF I AM NOT IN BEAUTY, WONDER, AND JOY, I AM IN JUDGEMENT

We know that when we are having a bad time, we are in judgement. Any time we are not enjoying ourself and experiencing the beauty within and around us, we are also in judgement. When we have lost our sense of wonder, we are judging something or someone. By our judgement, we are robbing ourself of a really good, creative time, but we always have choice. We can choose to have enjoyment. Our willingness to let go of judgement allows us to experience the beauty, wonder and joy in life.

Today, allow to come to your mind what or who you are judging. You may find a long parade of people coming toward you. Be willing at this point just to forgive them. Bless each person who comes to you, and you will begin experiencing life's riches to the fullest. :D

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 04.09.2003 at 14:55:26

THE EXTENT OF SCARCITY IN MY RELATIONSHIP IS THE EXTENT OF MY COMPETITION

Any area in our relationship that is not fully abundant - whether communication, money, sex, free time, happiness, or whatever else - is an area where, somehow, we feel that we are right, or that we are a little bit better than our partner. It is an area in which we are fighting to get certain needs met by them, or from the situation before they do. The extent of scarcity is the extent to which we are not yet in partnership.

Today, look at the areas where you would like to have more in your relationship. Begin building partnership in these areas, and begin supporting your partner. Where you support your partner, the scarcity begins to fall away.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 05.09.2003 at 10:41:51

SWAMPS WANT WHAT ROCKS GET, BUT CANNOT RECEIVE

When situations in a relationship polarise, rocks tend to give to everybody else what a swamp needs the most. Swamps have natural compassion because of their sensitivity. Rocks receive a certain acclaim or acknowledgement from the world around them because of their natural generosity. This acclaim, however, rolls off their back, because rocks do not want to put their faith in something that might change. As children, rocks were happy, then all of a sudden something happened, and their whole world came crashing down; they do not tend to trust all the nice things that are said to them, all the compliments they are given. Swamps, of course, would love to receive this kind of acknowledgement and recognition, but they are afraid of moving out to others because they fear being overwhelmed with everyone else's feelings. Swamps do not seem to have natural boundaries; they not only feel their own feelings, which are almost too much, but they can also feel and resonate with what everybody else is feeling. While swamps are supersensitive, rocks have become impervious because at some early date they felt intruded upon, and emotionally raped. Rocks tend to be as impervious as possible to both the joy of giving and to someone trying to take, to whether they are receiving compliments or criticism. Swamps on the other hand are supersensitive. They revel in a good complement, and love to be appreciated. A little appreciation goes a long way with a swamp, whereas criticism hits them hard. They have no ability to distance themselves from criticism; they do not know what belongs to the criticiser and what would be really helpful for them, as swamps, to acknowledge. There is then a tendency to attack back or abase themselves. It gets truly overwhelming, so swamps tend to limit themselves in their giving to other people.

Today, if you are a swamp, give what you want for yourself. If you want recognition, give it. This will help you feel satisfied. If you are a rock, do not distrust what is being given. Rather than believing it is merely a way of trapping you, instead, be willing to let it come deep inside you. You can be aware when others move from a mode of giving, to one of giving-to-take. Then, at that moment, you can communicate your own natural boundaries, rather than feel like the clam is being shucked out of you. Editor's Note: "Rock" and "swamp" are terms used by Dr. Spezzano to describe two completely different styles of communication in relationship. Refer to Lesson 276.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 07.09.2003 at 11:54:22

ANGER HIDES GRACE

If we care to notice, sometimes, when we get angry at our partner for the littlest things, it is when they have wanted to lavish us with love. Often, in our smugness about really telling them what is bugging us, we choose the anger and do not even recognise we missed an opportunity to feel joyful. If we keep our awareness about us, we will see we really have a choice between our anger and receiving their love. Anger is generated from judgement. If we pay attention to our anger, we can see we have a choice in the matter. The natural physiological reaction of anger lasts about 4 1/2 minutes. After that, it is something we harbour and choose to feel. The judgement of anger hides the opportunity for grace, for something miraculous. If we are aware and willing, instead of judging, we can use the opportunity to offer support and love, to feel joyful. We can then be a channel of grace in the situation. Every time we offer grace, we have naturally received it in order to proffer it. If we make the choice for grace, instead of grievance, we can become an emissary of transformation and healing - an emissary for Heaven.

Today, take the time to notice where, in your judgement, you are either withdrawing or becoming aggressive. Make the choice for love and grace. Look back in your life to significant times of withdrawal or attack, and in your mind's eye, make a new choice for grace. In offering grace, the situation is finally transformed.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 08.09.2003 at 11:34:38

EMOTIONAL PAIN CAN BE AN EXCELLENT TEACHER

If we do not avoid emotional pain or do not try to run away from it, we use it as our teacher. When we avoid emotional pain, we are avoiding certain lessons for our growth. Our willingness to have the courage to feel the emotional pain, to feel through it, allows us to see what it wants to teach us, and what it wants to give us. As we feel it all the way through, it disappears. To take this new attitude toward emotional pain allows us to move into certain situations that we would otherwise avoid, and to see the resolution of situations where we would otherwise create attack or avoidance.

Today, take a new attitude toward pain. Be willing to face the feelings that are inside you, and those coming toward you. Know that your willingness gives you a certain responsiveness and strength that, somehow, have felt missing. Use emotional pain as your teacher; it will be a kind teacher, if you do not resist it.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by LittleStar on 09.09.2003 at 10:09:08

DEPENDENCE IS TRYING TO GET NEEDS MET IN THE PRESENT THAT WERE NOT MET IN THE PAST

Dependence is trying to remake the past in the present, an attempt that will always be unsuccessful. Dependence tries to take in order to get the old needs met, but since they are old needs, they can never quite be filled in the present situation. For example, if we needed a quarter yesterday to make an emergency phone call and we received that quarter today, it would not meet yesterday's need. Only a realisation of this along with forgiveness will release the past. We can move forward out of dependence by letting go of the past and letting go of those needs in the present.

Today, examine the areas where you are seeking approval from someone, or where you feel dependent on someone. Who was it, really, that you were trying to get love from? Imagine yourself as that little child who did not get love, and then, give to that parent or person the very thing you thought you needed from them

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 09.09.2003 at 10:13:31

IF THE PAST IS UNFINISHED, GHOSTS OF OLD RELATIONSHIPS WILL COME TO HAUNT ME IN THE PRESENT

Everything we have not finished with our parents, siblings, or other significant relationships will interfere with our present relationship. We bring every unlearned lesson forward to be learned now in our present relationship. The healing in our present relationship, heals past relationships and we can see them in another light. Sometimes, it is easier simply to make contact with these significant people, understanding the old situation in the light of maturity, letting go of the problem, and moving forward. When the old ghosts are dispersed, the blessings and good times of the past will empower you.

Today is a day for finishing old business. Contact anyone with whom you have outstanding feuds or misunderstandings. Be willing to reach out and take the next step, apologising where necessary in order to move forward. Healing can take place even if the person has died. Just imagine them present, and speak to them, or if you prefer, write a letter to them to clear up the old business.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 09.09.2003 at 11:16:20

WHAT I TAKE IS WHAT I LOSE

An interesting, paradoxical dynamic is set up with taking, because the more we take, the emptier we feel, the more we try to get, the more insecure we feel. The more we take, the less we are satisfied. Taking sets up a dynamic in which we cannot receive and where we reinforce our own fear, so where we take, we lose. We lose in terms of our own self-image, and in any feelings of satisfaction that we could have ultimately attained. Basically, taking has the same dynamics as indulgence, which also does not allow us to feel satisfied because we feel guilty instead. It does not refresh or renew us. It does not allow us to make contact. Taking is what we do because we do not feel worthy enough just to receive. When we become independent, we try to hide our taking and to pretend that we do not need anything. In a state of independence, we live like ascetics inside, pretending that we need very little, but there is a surreptitious taking. What we take is what we lose, whereas what we give is what we receive. We always have choice.

Today, know you are worthy of receiving. Look at areas where you may be taking, because the subtle guilt that comes from taking does not allow you to enjoy, and it keeps you feeling less than yourself. In any situation where you catch yourself taking, do what it takes to catch yourself giving.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 10.09.2003 at 10:28:29

EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN A RELATIONSHIP HAS TWO SOURCES

Many times we hold grievances against our partners because we believe they did something to us. As we become familiar with our subconscious mind, we realise no one is doing anything to us that we are not already doing to ourself. Everything that happens in a relationship is a form of collusion. When a relationship gets ready to end, at some level, both people are choosing for it to end. At a subconscious level, they are choosing who's going to be the independent one, the bad guy, and who's going to be the dependent one, who carries the heartbreak or dependence. Both people choose the role they can best use to end the relationship. Everything that happens is the result of choice.

Today, consider three situations you think you did not want to happen. Take the first situation and imagine for a moment that you did actually want it to happen. Now you know you did not want it consciously, but given all the circumstances, the reason it happened is that a part of you chose it as the very best way for you. Talk to that part of you. Find out what was going on that led you to make the choice you did. What was the purpose behind the event? What did it allow you to do? What did you not have to do? Just pretend you are that part. Listen to what comes to your mind, and you will find the underlying motivation for your co-creation of that event. It is time to let all that go and move forward so you can be happier in your present relationship.

2666

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by LittleStar on 10.09.2003 at 13:30:36

MY LONELINESS COMES FROM PROVING I AM SPECIAL

All our forms of separating ourself from others comes from wanting to be special in some way. Therefore, our loneliness is actually coming from the desire to prove we are special. At times, there is a certain poignancy to loneliness; we suffer quietly by ourself, feeling the pangs of our specialness. We would rather be special than make contact with others, but specialness always leads to pain. Specialness is always a form of separation, looking for special kinds of needs to be met. None of us can be lonely unless deep within ourself we want to be; loneliness is a choice.

Today, examine the areas where you are asking to be treated specially. Acknowledge that your loneliness comes out of wanting to be different because you are afraid to be unique - a Leadership gift. Be willing to let go of this veil of specialness, this veil that keeps creating pain for you. Give up your choice for loneliness and make contact with those around you. Move past your need for specialness. Realise that you are recognised and appreciated, and that you have a natural attractiveness.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Amstel on 11.09.2003 at 11:19:09

WHEN MY HEART IS BREAKING, GIVING CREATES NEW BIRTH

Heartbreak contracts us and shuts us down. At the point of heartbreak, we can take all that feeling moving through us, and if we choose to give, our heart and consciousness begin expanding. As we give through the heartbreak, all the ancillary feelings of despair, futility, uselessness, loneliness, emptiness, and jealously begin to heal, just through the giving. Giving through heartbreak creates a high stage of consciousness and a great deal of love. Our willingness to keep giving transforms us. Instead of having to go through all the pain of heartbreak, we create an easy birth. When our heart is breaking, to totally give as much as we can, saves our life, transforms the pain, wins back the part of our broken heart from the past, and saves us a great deal of time.

Today, in any situation where there is any kind of hurt, just be in service or give through it, and find yourself easily moving to a new birth.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 11.09.2003 at 11:40:38

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 11.09.2003 at 11:47:47

THE NEED TO DOMINATE COMES FROM FEAR

Whenever we are in a situation where we are trying to dominate, or someone is trying to dominate us, it probably comes from the frightened child within. When someone is trying to dominate us, we are being asked to respond as if they were a frightened child. If we respond to that need by reassuring and supporting, we won't end up feeling like we are oppressed. If we are the one trying to dominate, there is a part of us that is feeling frightened. If we were to communicate our fear, it would not only be a relief of the fear for us, it would also be a great gift for the other person. Communication, reaching out, and forgiveness can heal the fear. It is a great gift for the other person, as well.

Today, in every situation where you notice that you are dominating, communicate your fear to the person you are oppressing. Communication heals the fear. In every situation where another is dominating you, reach out and respond to that person as if they were a frightened child. Reaching out heals the fear. In every situation that shows itself as domination, reach out, communicate, and forgive both the other person and yourself. :o :D

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 12.09.2003 at 11:03:55

ANY PROBLEM OUTSIDE ME CAN BE HEALED WITHIN MY RELATIONSHIP

Anything that is happening outside our relationship can be healed within it. Everything outside our relationship is as a metaphor, a mirror of something happening in the mind and heart of our relationship. If scarcity surrounds us, there is scarcity within our relationship. This means it is time to give and receive truly, not just in sacrifice and burn-out. Any problem around us points to a place within our relationship that is yet to be connected. As we connect and find new joy within our relationship, we reach a new level of partnership and co-creativity. Correspondingly, we find the problem outside our relationship begins to heal. One of the deepest and most powerful secrets about a relationship is it has the power to heal whatever problems surround us, no matter from what depth they come.

Today, choose a problem you want to heal. It could even be one your partner and you would like to work on together, although you can do it in your own mind. Imagine the problem is somehow between your partner and you. Begin communicating with your partner about the problem as if there is a joining in your relationship that the problem is meant to hide. Communicating moves you towards each other and through the problem. Make being connected more important than the problem separating you. Sometimes, you are even able to find the area in your relationship that has not yet been connected, such as intimacy, communication or sexuality. When you move to connect in this way, you find creativity flowing through you and your relationship, not only healing it, but also healing the world.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by ten-nej on 12.09.2003 at 11:27:06

wrote on 12.09.2003 at 11:23:26:

THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER OVER THE GRAVEYARD

in ponoči so vse krave črne ::)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by LittleStar on 12.09.2003 at 12:05:38

t wrote on 12.09.2003 at 11:27:06:

in ponoči so vse krave črne ::)

::) Yeah right, razen če nimaš izkustvenega vedenja.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by ten-nej on 12.09.2003 at 12:28:04

wrote on 12.09.2003 at 12:05:38:

::) Yeah right, razen če nimaš izkustvenega vedenja.

to je izkustveno vedenje

(kar pa za bolj zelena pokopališča ne drži)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by LittleStar on 12.09.2003 at 12:34:04

t wrote on 12.09.2003 at 12:28:04:

to je izkustveno vedenje

(kar pa za bolj zelena pokopališča ne drži)

Si že probal kdaj gledati s srcem oz. videti?

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by ten-nej on 12.09.2003 at 12:41:50

wrote on 12.09.2003 at 12:34:04:

Si že probal kdaj gledati s srcem oz. videti?

menda ja

(čeprav se mi zdi za to metafora gledanja s srcem precej bedna)

bp

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by LittleStar on 12.09.2003 at 12:58:03

Marsikatera vsevednost (kao) se izkaže za bednost.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by aryan on 12.09.2003 at 12:59:54

wrote on 12.09.2003 at 12:58:03:

Marsikatera vsevednost (kao) se izkaže za bednost.

littlestar, a ti vidis, gledas s srcem? si vsevedna?

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by ten-nej on 12.09.2003 at 13:13:12

wrote on 12.09.2003 at 12:58:03:

Marsikatera vsevednost (kao) se izkaže za bednost.

:-* končno Zvezdica!

pa ti si razsvetljena 8)

to sem od tebe hotel slišati :-*

Če boli, to ni ljubezen / res je (vsekakor huda vednost)

(moraš res priti do visoke stopnje za takšno vednost)

če boli, je bolečina ::)

uživajte!

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by LittleStar on 12.09.2003 at 14:32:09

LJUBEZEN BOLI ::), isto tako kot resnica,
BUT IT SETS YOU FREE

ten-ney, hočeš rečt, to si hotel od SEBE slišat? 8)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by aryan on 12.09.2003 at 14:53:08

tako kot ima elektrika dve uporabi, lahko npr. hladi ali pa greje, tko tudi ljubezen osvobaja, ali pa pogojuje. ce je narobe "centrirana" (usmerjena) ornk pogoji, ce je pravilno pa osvobodi.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 13.09.2003 at 13:52:26

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 14.09.2003 at 12:28:09

I AM ALWAYS IN THE PERFECT PLACE TO LEARN THE LESSON I MOST NEED TO LEARN

Everything is connected and nothing really happens by accident. We are always in the place that is perfect for us to learn what we most need to learn. "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." When we are ready, the situation is presented to show us exactly what we are to learn and grow with at this point in our life. The people are there to help us move forward, to teach us, and to support us.

Today, take time to realise that you are in a perfect place for the lessons that you are learning, for the healing that you are doing, and for the growth that you are ready to make at this point in your life.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 15.09.2003 at 11:37:39

DEADNESS IN RELATIONSHIP CAN BE HEALED THROUGH GIVING

Deadness in our relationship means we are stuck, tired, and that we have been in sacrifice. We can make a new choice here. We can choose to give ourself more and move out of some of our busyness to make truer contact. True giving moves us forward and allows us to receive. Our giving allows us to feel the greatness of our generosity; it allows us to feel our best self. The more we give, the more we know who we truly are. Sometimes, when we feel we have nothing left to give, if we ask for Heaven's help, we find we have just what is needed, just enough to move us forward and get us back in the flow again.

Today, take a moment to close your eyes, and imagine the Universe pouring down all kinds of energy and light. As you are filled with this energy, feel how you are motivated to give, especially in certain areas. What are they? Maybe you are called to give very simple things. Even the simple things can show your love. :)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 17.09.2003 at 01:19:20

COMPLAINING IS INFERIORITY IN THE FORM OF ARROGANCE

Our complaining comes out of a sense of inferiority, a sense that we do not have much power in the situation. Complaining takes the form of arrogance. We feel above the situation, as if this should not be happening to us. Our complaint is a verbal or mental attack on the situation that is happening. In our arrogance, we expect things to change, and for others to change to meet our needs, but we are the one being asked to change. One of the ways in which we could easily change, and feel better about ourself, is to give ourself some recognition, value, and respect. As we change in this inner way, the outside situation begins to reflect the change.

Today, take a close look at yourself. What are you complaining about? Where are you complaining to yourself? These are just areas where you are reinforcing a sense of inferiority. Take a step forward, or choose to value yourself more, because as you do, the situation that you feel stuck in will change.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 18.09.2003 at 15:12:55

EVERY BLESSING I GIVE BLESSES ME

Whenever we wish someone the best or give someone love, we feel good. Every blessing we give is a blessing that we give to ourself. Every time we help someone, the help we give them, and the healing they reach gets added to our life.

Today, close your eyes and allow to come to your mind people who need your blessing, who need your love sent to them, who need the power of your mind added to their life. As you give to them, feel how good you feel. Know that your giving multiplies the power of your blessing. Throughout the day, any time you meet someone - people on the street, people you pass by, people at work - just bless them.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 19.09.2003 at 12:09:40

CONSIDERING HOW HARD IT SEEMS TO BE TO CHANGE WITHIN MYSELF, IT IS FOOLISH TO EXPECT TO CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE

Considering how hard it seems for us to create change within ourself, our desire to change someone else is foolish. We only need look at our own track record in this area to see how well we have done. Even when we do succeed, we lose, because the person loses their attractiveness for us. The easiest way to get someone to change is to change ourself. To move forward ourself is an irresistible call to our partner to join us.

Today, be willing to change yourself. Who is the main person in your life whom you want to be different? This very person represents an area in you that has been hardened and unwilling to change. Ask for Heaven's help in stepping forward to give this very thing that would have them be different. Take the step forward yourself, and be willing to give what you wanted of someone else. Your happiness is at stake and it is in your hands. :P

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 20.09.2003 at 11:05:16

IF I DON'T HAVE SOMETHING IN MY LIFE, IT IS BECAUSE I AM IN A POWER STRUGGLE

When there is something we think we want in our life, and we don't have, it is because we are in a fight with someone. Power struggle is just a way of holding ourself back because we are actually afraid of what we think we want. This power struggle is really a place where we are using this person to avoid the real issue, which is the fear beneath it. Letting go of the power struggle would allow us to have that something in our life.

Today, let go of the power struggle. It is not true anyhow. Sit down, and divide a sheet of paper into three columns. In the first column, list what it is you want in your life. For each item, ask yourself, "Who am I in power struggle with? Who am I fighting?" (The answers "myself" or "everyone" is a form of avoidance.) Whoever comes into your mind, write it in the next column beside the item. (It could be your parents, someone who is dead, your partner or God.) Now, would you rather have the power struggle, or all of these things you really want? In the third column next to each person, write down what the fear is that holds you back from what you want. Be willing to move through the fear, because as you do, you are opening yourself to have what you want in your life.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 22.09.2003 at 11:24:54

MY EXPECTATIONS COMPENSATE FOR HIDDEN NEEDS

Our expectations come out of our demands which come from our needs; therefore, our expectations are a defence against our needs. They are a way of acting as if we are not dependent. Acting in an independent mode, we demand the situation move toward our picture of how reality should be, but any type of defence, expectation included, always leads to failure, and actually brings about the very thing it was trying to defend against. Our expectations eventually lead us to frustration or disappointment, a place where we begin to experience our own needs and neediness.

Today, practice giving up your demands and truly communicating about what you need; often, communicating about it satisfies the need itself. Your demand is a clue to the area of your need. Basically, all of these needs cover up old feelings of sadness, abandonment, and lack of bonding. Your communication is the beginning of bonding again. Even if communication does not succeed in fulfilling your needs, it will give you the confidence to deal with them openly without trying to control others.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 26.09.2003 at 00:36:44

TO RESOLVE PROBLEMS IN MY RELATIONSHIPS, I FORGIVE MY MOTHER

Mothers are great scapegoats. We can blame them for anything we did not receive. As a matter of fact, at some level, whatever is negative in our present relationships is some form of blame on our mother for not giving us what we thought she should have given us. Our willingness to forgive our mother is our willingness to make our relationship, here and now, a lot better.

Today, look at the problem in your relationship. You might even write out a number of them. Next to each problem write a response to the question: "What have I not forgiven my mother for?" In the final column, next to each of the grievances against your mother, write the answer to these questions: "Would I hold this against myself? Would I use this to stop me now in my relationship?" If the answer is no, you are free, your mother is free, and your relationship is free.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 26.09.2003 at 14:03:36

DEADNESS IN SEX OR MY RELATIONSHIP IS HEALED BY MOVING INTO A PLACE OF BIRTH

Deadness is a defence to protect ourself from our unconscious mind. One of the fastest ways to move out of deadness is to find the major feeling hiding beneath it. This feeling has such strength and power that when seen correctly, it automatically moves us into a new birth. The kind of feelings that knock us to our knees, like heartbreak, jealousy, terror, violence, anger, emptiness, nothingness, and futility, are truly birth situations. When we are in deadness, simply asking for the birth situation will take us to the pain that the deadness hides. Typically there is so much pain here we lose our awareness, so when we hit this place, remembering that we asked for the birth helps. This place of sacred fire pain, of purification, is the place of our birth. All it takes to move out of the pain and into the birth process is to give. Typically, at this point, we are in so much pain that we often forget or feel resistance to giving. Remembering to give creates an easy birth. It can be the simplest type of giving - sending love to someone, supporting someone or helping someone in the simplest possible way. Just giving moves us into a new birth, into a place that contains things like a much greater love, a higher level of sexuality, passion, creativity or art, a new level of psychic ability, a new sense of vitality in health, new confidence or power, and a greater sense of peace, vision and purpose.

Today, get out of deadness and move into a place of birth. Ask yourself what is the feeling beneath the deadness, and when it comes, begin giving to take yourself out of the pain. Create the new birth by giving.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 29.09.2003 at 12:16:20

ALL ACCUSATIONS ARE SELF-ACCUSATIONS

Anything we accuse anyone else of is something that we are accusing ourself of; every time we attack other people we are attacking ourself. We judge others for how they are behaving, but judgement hides guilt. Every place we accuse another person is a place where we are punishing ourself, a place where we feel guilty. If we remember that these people are only acting the way they are because they need something, rather than accuse them, we could give to them. Giving to, supporting, and forgiving them would allow them to blossom forth, and release us from the situation

Today, learn true freedom. Take a look at your world. Where do you feel grievances or judgements? Let go of your accusations against other people. Be willing to give to, and support them. To release yourself from situations you feel stuck in, forgive the other person, because the accusation you let go of allows you to experience the freedom and innocence within.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 29.09.2003 at 12:22:05

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by EvaZh on 29.09.2003 at 12:32:51

ej devi, točn tale tvoj 1666 post bo taprav, HVALA!

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 29.09.2003 at 12:47:02

Nisem niti vidla :o thanx :-*

Today at 12:22pm
1666

::)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by EvaZh on 29.09.2003 at 12:51:19

Devi,... vrtiljak šiba, jest sm kr gor skočila
sm hvaležna ful
:-* :-*

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 30.09.2003 at 13:14:56

PAIN IS AN AREA WHERE I HAVE CUT THE LINES OF RELATEDNESS

Pain is a place where we have removed ourself from the situation because it seemed too difficult, where we have pulled back from others because we didn't like what they were doing. By deciding not to recognise the relationship, we cut ourself off and we are suffering as a result. Even years later, we suffer as we get in touch with subconscious places where we cut the threads of connection with old friends and family members, or with parts of ourself.

Today, see who comes to your mind as someone with whom you are called to reconnect. Reach out to them and extend yourself so you can remove the pain you are experiencing. Allow yourself to feel the connection with all of those people as you mend the lines of relatedness.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Marjana on 07.10.2003 at 15:38:40

evo, tega že dolgo nismo brali :)

IF MY PARTNER LOSES, I WILL END UP PAYING THE BILL

When we fall into a power struggle with our partner, if they lose, we end up paying the bill because, we are the other part of the team. It is really important that we concentrate on moving through all forms of competition and power struggle into areas of support and co-operation so our partner always succeeds. Our partner's loss demonstrates hidden, or not so hidden, areas of competition. Either we get the benefit of every success our partner has, or we end up paying the bill.

Today, give extra support to your partner. No matter how you feel, give a little bit more to make sure your partner succeeds. Their success is your success.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 07.10.2003 at 22:30:54

DISAPPOINTMENT IS ALMOST RELEASE

Disappointment is the first step on the way to release. Unfortunately, most of us stop here and forever remain disappointed because things did not turn out the way we felt we needed them to. If we are willing to experience the disappointment and the need within it, and let it go, we move out of stress into success; we stop pushing the proverbial river. We listen to life's rhythms rather than trying to squeeze life into our concepts. Disappointment lets us know that our picture of life is not a true one, and as we let it go, we are taught what life is really about. We become like an empty glass ready to be filled, rather than full and unable to take in anything more.

Today, imagine you are like a glass. Clear yourself of all disappointments and stand ready to be filled with what life will teach you.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 09.10.2003 at 03:12:59

WHEN I FEEL OVERWHELMED BY MY PARTNER'S NEEDS, I BECOME A CHANNEL FOR HEAVEN'S GRACE

Sometimes we feel just too tired, as if there is not enough of us to satisfy our partner, to really help or take care of them. When we feel burned out, it is time to ask for Heaven's help, and to let the energy of the Universe pour down through us and into our partner. When we do not have the strength to move forward, we allow our partnership to move us forward. Allowing all the love of Heaven to pour through us and fill our partner, keeps us from feeling sucked dry. If we try to use our own energy, sometimes, we can feel sucked dry within a few minutes, but by tapping into the Universe, we have enough grace to feed everyone.

Today, think of someone around you who is needy. Imagine the energy of the Universe pouring through you and filling them up. Imagine this energy is constantly running through you all day for anybody who has needs around you. Notice that as the energy pours through you to other people, you are also filled.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by LittleStar on 09.10.2003 at 08:26:14

If it hurts, it's not love

Kot sem že rekla: v osnovi zgrešeno

Tako da,

bull shit...,

cause

LOVE HURTS

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 09.10.2003 at 14:15:03

WHATEVER ABUNDANCE I ALLOW MYSELF TO RECEIVE, I NATURALLY GIVE TO MY PARTNER

In any relationship we will have areas of accomplishment that our partner has not yet achieved, areas where we fully give ourself. As a result of this giving and creativity, a natural abundance comes back to us. As we receive this, we naturally have a gift for our partner. Whatever particular talent or gift resonates in us, will begin to resonate in them by our closeness and intimacy. They discover that they have certain talents that they did not know they had in particular areas. The extent of our joining is the extent to which our partner will naturally begin to act out this particular gift or talent, and receive it on their own. The area in which we have already succeeded contains the gifts we are bringing into the relationship; both ourself and our partner bring gifts to the relationship. This abundance that we bring is what we give to make the relationship grow.

Today, see what you have that is a gift for your partner. If you have been complaining that they are not giving you a certain thing, this is exactly what you have enough of, for both of you. Out of your richness, you can provide this gift until it is in both you and your partner. From this new level of partnership, there will be new gifts and talents for both of you.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 10.10.2003 at 20:49:50

WHAT I REJECT IN MY PARENTS, I WILL ACT OUT

The way we have judged our parents is, deep down, the way we have judged ourself. We react to this in one of two ways. By rejecting a behaviour in our parents, we get to act it out as a way for us to understand what drove them to that behaviour in the first place. The other way is where we behave in a totally opposite way as a compensation for how our parents acted. We form roles out of our judgements against our parents, roles that lead us into sacrifice with our children or our partners. Ironically, under the role, we are stuck with the feelings of what we rejected in our parents.

Today, take a look at what you have rejected about your parents, and see if you are acting in the same way or in a compensatory way. See if you are acting out a role that makes you do good things, but does not let you receive, which eventually leads to burn-out. Your understanding of their situation, and your willingness to forgive them will release all of you. Allow God's Love to help you forgive them, and say from your heart, "In God's Love I forgive you, Mom. In God's Love I forgive you, Dad."

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 13.10.2003 at 02:08:59

EVERYONE IS DOING THE BEST THEY CAN, GIVEN INNER AND OUTER CIRCUMSTANCES

When we do not understand why someone is acting in a certain way, we simply need to ask ourself, what we would have to be feeling to act that way. We all behave according to what we feel, which comes from what we believe, value, or think about ourself. These are the products of the different experiences and choices we have made in our life. As we realise that, given what is going on with us, we are doing the very best we can, we have understanding and compassion for ourself and other people in the human condition.

Today, take time to sit, relax, and close your eyes. Allow yourself to go back to a situation where you made a major decision against yourself and your life. Who was in that situation with you? What were they doing? What must they have been feeling to act the way they did? In any kind of traumatic situation, everybody is acting differently, but feeling the same way. You know how painful that situation has been for you. Everyone in it was feeling the same way underneath, or it could not have sprung up with you. When you reach that feeling, you have a sense of compassion for them and for yourself. Now, make another decision about yourself and your life. In that situation, realise their behaviour was a call for love. Feel your light reaching out and connecting with everyone in the situation. As the connection occurs, notice how the pain and conflict seem to fall away for everyone.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 14.10.2003 at 00:27:05

TO HAVE WHAT I WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP, I KEEP SEEING AND FEELING WHAT I WANT

Our ability to imagine, see, feel, and even to hear what we want in a relationship creates the fact. Our mind is a great creator. Often, in relationships when healing is taking place, we experience side effects that we do not wish, and things seem to get worse. When this is happening, if we keep in mind the healing we want, and allow ourself to feel and see it, we can help realise more quickly and easily what we want. By doing this, we remember what our goal and the truth is; if it does not contain true greatness, it's not the truth.

Today, your goal is to feel what it is that you want in your relationship. Now, see what you want in your relationship. What is happening? Feel it and let it go. See it and let it go. Hold no attachment to what you envision, but know you are programming your mind. This process is helping you to manifest and create the very situation that you want. Do not be afraid if things seem to get worse at first. Healing is simply taking place, and hidden poisons are coming to the surface. As they do, keep the vision you have for your relationship, sharing it whenever possible. This helps you move from where you are to where the healing happens. Nothing can stop the power of your mind. Nothing can stop the truth, which has to do with joy, happiness, and love.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 14.10.2003 at 09:56:28

WITHOUT COMMITMENT TO A COMMON GOAL, ANY CONFLICT COULD DESTROY A RELATIONSHIP

If you do not have a common goal, then any conflict could be the last one in your relationship, the thing that brings your relationship down. When we have a common goal or commitment that we have chosen together with our partner, then any conflict that comes up is just something to move through on the way to that goal. As we resolve each conflict, we build another layer of partnership.

Today, take some time to close your eyes and visualise your purpose in the relationship. What is it you want? What is it you have chosen? Feel your partner arm-in-arm with you, moving forward in confidence toward this goal. Know that you can step through each conflict together on the way to the goal. As you commit, the power of the conflict is lessened and the power of the relationship is increased.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 15.10.2003 at 00:41:33

MOST NEGATIVE EMOTION HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PRESENT

Most negative emotion has nothing to do with the present. We usually save up all of the feeling we did not have the courage to finish feeling and, then, create experiences in our present life that give us the opportunity to release the past emotion. If we were to look a little deeper into any situation that triggered us in our life right now, we would realise that most of the pain we are experiencing has nothing to do with the present situation. The pain of the present situation is just a small percent that is needed to trigger off feelings we have been carrying around with us for a long time. These are feelings we need to get out for us to have an openness to life and to be able to receive from life. If these feelings are kept suppressed, they fester inside us and become poisonous, affecting our health and our willingness to enjoy ourself and our relationships.

Today, delve a little deeper into any of the conflicts you are having. Realise these conflicts are being put together by old situations that carried emotions you never finished with. Whether or not you get in touch with those old situations, feel the feelings until they are completely gone. Be willing to recognise that your partner and the people around you are not to blame. They are actually helping you to create this healing for yourself. They are helping you to be more open to life so you can receive and enjoy your happiness.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 17.10.2003 at 14:42:31

EVERY TIME I SEE SOMEONE AS INNOCENT, I FREE MYSELF

Innocence frees us. Seeing others as innocent also frees us because, when we see others as innocent, our hidden guilt is released. Guilt keeps us feeling unworthy, in sacrifice, and punishing ourself. When we see someone else as guilty, we are punishing ourself. Our willingness to overlook mistakes and to see our partner as innocent will free us. Our partner has been doing the very best they can, given their inner and outer circumstances and their life story. Rather than complaining, we can help a great deal more by supporting and coaching.

Today, observe where you have been considering other people as wrong, bad, or guilty. Ask yourself, "How have I been punishing myself if I am seeing them in this way?" Take a moment and see what pops into your mind. If this kind of self-retribution is not what you want, then be willing to consider the fact that they are innocent. As a healing statement, say, "I will release myself today by your innocence. I will release myself today by my innocence." Then say, "I see (the person's name) as innocent, and I see myself as innocent so we may be free to walk as allies."

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 20.10.2003 at 17:37:06

Phuh! :D :D

A RELATIONSHIP IS ABOUT STRETCHING NOT STRETCH MARKS

A relationship is about growth and taking risks into whole new areas, extending ourself beyond our comfort zone. Stretch marks are all the scars of the past, the dark lessons that have not yet been transformed. Our relationship is not about scars, past or present, but about the gifts we find in ourself as a result of reaching beyond our own indulgence, and beyond the sacrifice of roles and duties to find the truth. A relationship is about extending ourself to others. As we are willing to recognise the truth of relationships, we see what we have learned and how much we have grown in each one. Relationship is about letting go of mistaken self-concepts while discovering and embracing more and more of who we truly are.

Today, spend some time reflecting on your relationship. Allow yourself to remember who you were before the relationship began, what was missing in your life and what was present in it that you didn't like. Now, look at how both you and your partner have grown since your relationship began, how much more mature, understanding and patient you are. How many hidden feelings have come to the surface to be healed? Recognise the courage that it took to heal these, and to deal with some of the conflict areas within your own mind - feelings about yourself that were hidden away under roles, under things that looked good, but smelled bad. Realise how much you have accomplished with and because of your partner. As you do, you find a natural gratitude comes to you, for you, your partner, and your relationship.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 21.10.2003 at 11:20:49

I WILL LOSE MY PARTNER'S WILLINGNESS TO COMMUNICATE IF I MAKE IT ALL ABOUT ME

One of the most important secrets of relationship is recognising that making every communication about ourself, rather than about both our partner and ourself, will destroy a relationship. Our relationship is not here just for ourself; it is here for both our partner and ourself. There is a problem that rocks and swamps typically get into around communication. Swamps are natural communicators. They tend to personalise things so they speak about themselves and their own feelings. Rocks are out of touch with their feelings. They tend to dissociate themselves and to be stoic, so they are not very good with feelings. A rock will share their personal feelings about three major times in a relationship and typically only a total of seven times before giving up. On these rare occasions, they open up their heart and talk about what they are experiencing, what their personal feelings are. Sometimes at that point, a swamp will indulge themselves and turn that personal sharing into an attack on themselves, which is just a way of stealing centre stage, again. If the swamp takes the communication and uses it to bring the story line back to themselves, they have lost a major opportunity. It is important for swamps to recognise those rare times when a rock will take a risk and let down the drawbridge to show their deep, inner feelings. If the swamp succeeds in listening and supporting the rock's communication, the rock will take other risks.

Today is a day for supporting and opening communication with your partner. If you are a rock, take a risk to share what is really going on for you. As you do, support your swamp by letting them know that your communication is not intended to make them feel wrong. If you are a swamp, go out to support your rock so that they feel safe enough to lower the drawbridge. Be aware though that, sometimes, swamps encourage their partners to share, but when they really share, the swamp runs. Be sure that when you are asking for your partner to share, you are not also pushing them away because you are afraid of what they might say. Swamps, do not let what your partner shares be just one more excuse to prove that you are unlovable. Rocks are just saying what they are feeling, and they need to get that out before they can move on; all they need is a little support and compassion. This is the time to borrow the rock's natural inclination and ability to abstract, to impersonalise what your partner is saying. Editor's Note: "Rock" and "swamp" are terms used by Dr. Spezzano to describe two completely different styles of communication in relationship. Refer to Lesson 276.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 22.10.2003 at 23:30:59

MY PARTNER IS NOT HERE TO MEET MY NEEDS

Many times, we experience a glow at the beginning of a relationship. We think that the relationship was made in Heaven, that we've found the person who is going to meet all our needs! Of course, when they don't, we decide this is a relationship from hell. One of the greatest mistakes we make is to think that our partner is here to take care of us, to be our sugar-daddy, our sweet mama. Expecting our partner to meet our needs actually holds back the relationship because, whether they meet our needs or not, any time we have a bad feeling we will blame them. Any time a need is not met, we think they must go into sacrifice to take care of us. There is no way for our partner to win. This is not the purpose of a relationship. Happiness is the purpose of a relationship, and it does not come from our partner meeting our needs. Happiness comes from our ability to make contact, to give and receive, and to bridge the differences to form an integration for a new level of confidence in relationship.

Today, if you feel that you are not happy, take a look at your attitude toward your partner. If you feel they have been put here to meet your needs, be willing to change your attitude. Be willing to move past this mistake Be willing to make another choice. Be willing to see that your partner is here to co-create with you, to make contact, to communicate, to move forward together, arm-in-arm, and heal with you until you become fully happy.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 23.10.2003 at 09:52:52

STAYING OPEN AND FEELING MY FEELINGS CREATES HEALING

Many times when we are attacked, whether or not what they are saying has any vestige of truth in it, painful feelings like guilt, anger, fear, hurt, frustration, or whatever they happen to be, rise up in us. When we are confronted with these feelings, we either dissociate from them or we use them in retaliation. Neither of these forms of defence truly works to change the situation. The best response is to stand defenceless. Defencelessness recognises that these feelings are neither right nor wrong, they are simply true because we are experiencing them. With this attitude we stay open to feeling our natural feelings until they are gone, taking a step for both ourself and the attacker. When the bad feeling is gone, the step is completed, and the relationship moves forward.

Today, stand as defenceless as possible and take courage in experiencing your feelings. You might go into more dire feelings, but just feel them until they have completely melted away. Take whatever time you need. In the end, there is peace and happiness. This by itself can be the healing that moves your relationship forward.

Title: FUN IS ONE OF THE TRUE FORMS OF RESPONSIVENESS
Post by Kali on 24.10.2003 at 14:03:28

Fun comes from one of the higher states of consciousness. It is an inspired state through which we bring humour and flow into the situation. To bring fun into any situation is to generate more energy of expectancy. Fun has the same dynamics as luck, so when we are having fun, we naturally create more luck. Fun and humour go hand-in-hand. Fun, appreciation, inspiration, spontaneity, naughtiness, and rascality are all forms of Leadership. Fun is true responsiveness to the situation which, paradoxically, becomes more productive where fun is present.

Today, remember fun, no matter how difficult things are. When things are difficult or serious, they get stuck because seriousness and heaviness come out of roles and duties. Be a leader and bring fun and humour into any situation. Your naughtiness, irresistibility, and fun are great gifts to your partner, and to any work situation. Dance in fun continuously, because after all, you are not going to take this reality seriously, are you? 8)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 27.10.2003 at 14:34:30

A PROBLEM OCCURS IN MY RELATIONSHIP WHEN I AM AFRAID TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP

Many times problems are just distractions from taking the next step. I have seen major problems fall away when a person becomes willing to take the next step. When a problem occurs the answer comes with it. Our willingness to trust this and move forward allows us to know what the answer is. Once we have taken the next step, whatever the issue is will completely disappear or it may just be something to handle, but it will no longer be a problem.

Today, choose the three juiciest problems in your life. Take five minutes in the morning to explore the first problem, and say, "I will not be fooled by this problem. I know this is just the result of fear, and I can step through this fear by taking the next step. I say Yes to the next step in my life. I trust this next step will come to me. I know that it is better than this. I will not be caught by this problem. This problem is not the truth." In the afternoon, choose the second problem, and spend another five minutes on it. In the evening, do this once again with the third problem. You will be very happy with the results!

Title: DEAD ZONE, THE FINAL STAGE OF INDEPENDENCE
Post by Kali on 31.10.2003 at 02:54:57

In our culture we have been taught that the final stage of growth is independence, but in truth, independence is just a stage along the way to true partnership, interdependence. To move into interdependence we have to be willing to adopt a completely different set of guidelines regarding the rules for the game of life; what was very successful in independence proves to hold us back in interdependence. The final stage of independence, this great stage we have all been taught to aspire to, is a stage of deadness that I affectionately call the Dead Zone. In the Dead Zone we do things because we are supposed to do them, not because we choose to do them. As independents we are the great rebels of life and won't allow ourself to be captured. However, the extent to which we are the rebel is the extent to which we are hiding that marshmallow of a sacrificer inside us. In the Dead Zone we experience exhaustion and a deep weariness because, as with all stages of independence, we are unable to receive and, therefore, we are unable to refresh and renew ourself. Independence means our feminine side has not yet fully healed and it is with this that we receive. It is this side of us that nurtures and gives us the fuel to carry on. As our feminine side is valued, it comes into balance with our masculine side and partnership begins. The Dead Zone feels like stuckness - being caught up in a pattern. We feel like a failure, no matter how much of a success we are to other people. We also feel tempted to die because we are soooo tired. It is here in the Dead Zone that the essential character of independence is hidden. Competition, here at the final stage of independence, is where we become such a great competitor that we don't even bother to compete; when we are the best, why bother? Competition still drives us forward by making us work, rather than receive our reward.

Today, make the choice to let go of independence, and state, "I am finally willing to go to this higher stage, even if I don't know what it is." You can ask the Universe or God, "Please teach me." Your willingness will allow you to be taught by providing you with relationships where you can begin to learn what true interdependence is.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 04.11.2003 at 09:38:16

EVERY POWER STRUGGLE IS A REMINDER OF A PLACE WHERE I HAVE BEEN HURT

Beneath every power struggle there is a heartbreak. In a power struggle our partner acts out the part of us that we pushed away, hid, or built a defence against because we believe that part hurt us or got us into trouble. Power struggles hold us back because they keep us stuck in a position of trying to defend our old hurt and heartbreaks, so we won't be hurt again. This hasn't worked so far and it won't work now. In recognising that any power struggle is a trigger to help us remember old hurt and pain so as to heal it, we can take the next step by integrating those parts of us that we thought hurt us. The healing of power struggle is really the healing of an old broken heart.

Today, in this power struggle, allow yourself to feel all of the negative feelings as old feelings. Feel them through until they are gone and until nothing stands between you and your partner. Feel them through, until you can really embrace your partner as the person who is always giving you back a piece of your heart, a piece of your mind.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 04.11.2003 at 10:03:44

VISION IS LEAPING THE ABYSS TO LOVE AND LEAVING A BRIDGE FOR OTHERS TO FOLLOW

Vision means giving ourself so much that we turn ourself inside out. This kind of love, this kind of giving, leads us to see far into the future for a way that works for everyone. It allows us to leap the abyss of the unconscious mind and to transcend nothingness. Vision allows us to move into a much greater area of love where we see new answers. We are then able to make a bridge for others to follow, to find the language to speak the unspeakable. When we are in vision, we are living our purpose - giving the gift of ourself in such a truly creative way that the path is made safe for those who follow behind us.

Today, know that what is before you is an opportunity for vision. Whether the situation is difficult or easy, love can be born at a much higher level. Your willingness to totally, thoroughly give yourself is the willingness to let this kind of love be born again on the earth.

Title: IN ANY CONFLICT, BOTH PEOPLE ARE FEELING THE SAME
Post by Kali on 06.11.2003 at 09:24:15

In any conflict, people act out opposite behaviours, but underneath their behaviour, they are feeling the same thing. For instance, one person may be a spendthrift and the other a miser. Both people are feeling the same sense of scarcity, the fear that there is not enough. The spendthrift compensates for this feeling by spending excessively to get over this fear. The miser on the other hand, pinches pennies to protect against the feeling of scarcity. In any power struggle both people are trying to protect themselves against the same feeling. If we are in touch with our feelings, we can then be in touch with the feeling underneath our partner's behaviour. Our willingness to begin communicating about this feeling allows us to find a common place, a beginning of something that we share. This is the beginning of healing, because once we find an area of common connection, we are on our way to moving forward together.

Today, choose a person with whom you are in conflict, and ask yourself, "What is the feeling underneath my behaviour?" Now take a look at their behaviour and see if their feeling fits with yours. Naturally, when you are at the most essential feeling, you find that it fits exactly. If you come to a feeling of anger, realise anger is a defence that protects an even deeper feeling. Whatever your deeper feeling, be willing to begin the communication by sharing your feelings with the purpose of moving ahead. For instance, you could start off by saying, "I'm feeling this feeling, are you feeling it too?"

Title: THE LESS I EXPECT, THE MORE I RECEIVE
Post by Kali on 11.11.2003 at 21:24:46

Our expectation covers up a demand which, in turn, covers up a need. This need has a sense of urgency and, whatever we feel we have to have, creates resistance. The very thing we are trying to get, we are secretly pushing away. The more we feel we need it, the more we create resistance to being able to receive it, and the more we create resistance to the very people who might want to give it to us. The more demands we place on them, the more likely they are to pull away. It takes a person of great maturity not to move away when someone expects something of them. Letting go of our expectations opens us to receiving. Once the urgency is gone, our partner or the people around us are much more willing to move in to fill the gap by responding and giving to us.

Today, who is it that you have major expectations on? What do you have expectations about? Get out of your own way. Be willing to let go of any expectation, or demands, you have on yourself and others, and let people give to you.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 14.11.2003 at 10:29:57

UNDER EVERY ROLE IS A TEMPTATION TO DIE

Roles cover over a lot of pain. A role is a hard outer shell, a piece of character we began to take on in a situation where we felt like we wanted to die. We felt so valueless, like such a total failure, that we gave up our selfhood and took on a role. A role is doing the right thing for the wrong reason, and because of this, it never lets us receive. No matter how much we succeed, we are not nurtured by the reward. A role may help a child early in life to have a good sense of character, and even to know right from wrong, but later on in life those roles become the armour that weighs us down, the heaviness that exhausts us. We are not being nurtured by what we are doing since we are doing it because we are supposed to. Beneath every role is a sense of tiredness, a sense of worthlessness about who we are. These are the original feelings that helped us build the roles, for roles are compensations and defences. Everyone around us may think we are a great success, but we feel worn out, a mere shell or even a fraud. Roles look good, but they weigh us down and kill us.

If you are in touch with these original feelings of valuelessness and worthlessness, know that you are just naturally working through a role and understand what the role has compensated for. One of the easiest ways to move through a role is through choice. Instead of just automatically doing what you feel you are supposed to do, make a choice that, "This is what I choose to do." Your choice then creates a true form of giving, an aspect of your life that can heal you and feed you. True giving, where you really give, not because you are supposed to, but because you choose to, makes all the difference. If you are getting to a place of death temptation, which is at the bottom of every role you have, do not be frightened of it. Face the death temptation, knowing it is the way through and that at the other end, there is a place of breakthrough. Running away from the feeling of wanting to die simply empowers it. Face it squarely while choosing to live. Feel the feelings until they are gone to move you past the death temptation. What was a role for you now becomes real; you now have regained the centre you lost so long ago.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 25.11.2003 at 10:14:50

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 26.11.2003 at 17:10:52

"EXPECT NOTHING, AND ANYTHING SEEMS LIKE EVERYTHING. EXPECT ANYTHING, AND EVERYTHING SEEMS NOTHING." - SAM HAZO

Expectations are limitations; they are also demands. When we expect or demand something, the getting feels empty; whereas without expectations, anything can be a gift. Anything can provide wonder and offer new ways of thinking. If we have a picture of how it should be, our expectation leads to disappointment and frustration. Every expectation is a demand of someone else. When we feel demanded of we, sometimes, just totally refuse and, other times, we give what is demanded, even though giving because of expectations tends to make us feel oppressed. Our willingness to let go of all our expectations, our ideas of how a person or things should be, allows us and the situation to move forward.

Today, notice one area of frustration and disappointment in your life. Be willing to let go of what you expect and how you think it should be so you can move forward. Be willing to have wonder and new ways of thinking that move you toward success. Be willing to learn.

Title: A BAD FEELING IS RELEASED BY TRUE GIVING
Post by Kali on 01.12.2003 at 11:52:52

When we feel self-conscious, embarrassed, or criticised, we tend to contract. If at the very time we felt bad, we gave, we would be expanded. We would step through the wall of our personalities and know ourself as bigger. The easiest way to move through a bad feeling or even just a blah feeling is to truly give.

Today, ask yourself, "Who is it that needs my help?" Whomever pops into your mind, ask yourself, "What is the best way for me to help them?" What comes into your mind? You could send love to them by calling, writing, or supporting them in some way. It might be a certain thing they need. You could just imagine that thing is pouring down from the universe, filling you, and pouring through you to them. As you reach out to them, you break through the invisible wall around you and you feel good again.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 08.12.2003 at 09:01:27

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 12.12.2003 at 09:51:07

BLESSING IS THE ANTIDOTE TO SACRIFICE

When we are in positions of sacrifice, we feel unworthy. We do not feel good enough to be equal in the situation, so we feel we have to give up who we are and only do things for others. Blessing is the opposite of sacrifice; it is our desire that things be good for the other person and the situation. Blessing says, "I have power. I can give in this situation, and my blessing will make the situation better. I don't need to sacrifice myself. I can give forth a blessing." By giving our energy, love, and best wishes that things be good, we change the situation. Where we felt we had given up on ourself, we can begin to recognise our worth.

Today, dispense blessings to everyone, especially in situations where you are tempted to judge someone. Release your judgements, release all temptations to go into sacrifice, and bless everyone with whom you come into contact.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 24.12.2003 at 15:11:14

MY EXPERIENCE AND MEMORIES ARE PERCEPTIONS, NOT EVENTS

In any situation, we are really experiencing the filters that an event comes through, not the event itself. This is why our memories and experiences may seem quite different from others' with whom we shared the event. We have very little idea what our childhood was really like since we make up stories based on the facts that fit our present mode in which we are operating in the world at the time. As we grow and change, our attitude toward our past changes, and then our experience changes. As we heal ourself, many times our opinions about our mother, father, or siblings are transformed. When we come to a full understanding of any event, including all subconscious elements, we realise no one is to blame, not even us. The hurt in the situation falls away because truth has to do with a level of understanding that releases all pain. All healing is about changing our perceptions into something even truer. We know it is the truth because there is no pain connected with it.

Today, in any situation where you may be experiencing conflict or pain, begin to communicate. Most misunderstandings and pain are healed as a result of clarification. Use communication as a vehicle to clear up any misunderstandings and misperceptions, and to experience other's perception of the event. Communication brings everyone to full understanding and truth.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 05.01.2004 at 09:43:48

A BROKEN HEART IS ALWAYS AN ATTEMPT TO CONTROL SOMEONE THROUGH GUILT

A broken heart means that we are on the losing end of a power struggle. Basically, our broken heart is an attempt to make others feel guilty so that they will meet our needs or do things our way; it's a form of emotional blackmail. The attempt to control will neither bring happiness, nor will it get our needs met; it will just create a bigger power struggle.

Today, be willing to move toward, instead of away from your partner. Be willing to not use your feelings as a bludgeon to get your partner to do what you want them to do. Rather than fighting with your partner and using different forms of manipulation, give them a gift. This can be a physical gift or an emotional gift, as long as it is something you freely and fully give to them. Be aware though, that if someone has broken up with you, an external gift may be a form of manipulation, and refused as such. If this has happened to you, give them an internal gift, such as forgiveness, letting go, gratitude, or sending them love without attachment. The extent of the gift that you give will be the extent of your release.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 20.01.2004 at 15:19:20

FUSION BLOCKS COMMUNICATION

Fusion blocks communication because we feel so close to the person, we think that we cannot say certain things to them. When we begin communicating, there is a natural resistance, almost a repelling, because we feel if they were hurt by anything we said, we would be devastated; our emotions are blown all out of proportion. We hurt when they hurt, we suffer when they suffer. When they are angry, it is explosive for us, and it is even more explosive when they are angry at us. This over-closeness tends to block verbal communication, so we have a sense of non-verbally communicating everything back and forth. A look can speak of how much we love them or of how much they dislike what we are doing. We feel verbal communication would cause pain, and we are unwilling to create dialogue, so there are just the glances that say it all. However, giving ourself permission to dialogue would create healing through communication.

Today, think of the people in your life you really have a hard time saying certain things to. These are the people you are fused with and with whom you are really unwilling to take a certain risk. Imagine yourself cutting the cords of fusion with the sword of truth so you can really establish a dialogue with them. If there are things you have wanted to say to these people, now is the time to say them. Whether you are fused with your lover, your mate, your parent, or your child, cut the cord of fusion and take the risk of beginning a dialogue with them.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 04.02.2004 at 09:54:45

IF I WANT THE BEST IN MY RELATIONSHIP, I GIVE MY BEST

What we are receiving in our relationship allows us to recognise what we are giving. Since we want the best in our relationship, to have it, we give it. Giving the best of ourself allows us to enjoy the best in other people. Giving the best in ourself opens doors that, otherwise, would not be opened, and provides the opportunities for new gifts, new fun, and new enjoyment to arise in our relationship.

Today give your very best. Give your heart, give your all, and notice what a great day it is.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 04.02.2004 at 10:07:18

Devi wrote on 04.02.2004 at 09:54:45:

Today give your very best. Give your heart, give your all, and notice what a great day it is.

Huh, kr mravljinci so mi šli. :) ;)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 04.02.2004 at 19:20:38

I CAN ONLY ENTER HEAVEN NOW, NEVER ON AN INSTANT REPLAY

Many of us think back to idyllic times in the past when we felt like we were in Heaven, but thinking back to those times is just something our mind uses to help make up for the lack we feel right now. Heaven is a state of consciousness that can only be entered now; trying to live in the past does not make us happy. Replaying those idyllic times is really a lie, because, even during those times, there was something missing that drove us on, searching for something more. We now have a chance to fully learn the lesson and gain a much greater sense of happiness.

Today, choose to be present, in the moment so you can experience the Heaven within you. Close your eyes, and imagine that all the joy and happiness in the world is filling you up right now. Let it fill everything within you, your toes, feet, ankles, legs, genitals, hips, body, heart, lungs, all your organs, your arms, neck, face, head, eyes, ears, and to the very crown of your head. Feel it overflowing. Heaven is within you now. Don't get caught up in some self-concept that demands a certain amount of doing and, therefore, stress to fulfil. A self-concept is part of your attempt to fill a need or prove a point that is really unnecessary. At the deeper part of your mind is only Oneness, there is only Heaven to be experienced now.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 07.02.2004 at 10:21:46

JUDGEMENT IS ALWAYS OF A PERSON'S BODY, PERSONALITY, OR MISTAKES

Judgement can arise only if we are looking at a person's body, personality, or mistakes. If we look beyond that to the person's essence and gifts and to what is likeable about them, our judgement falls away. When we look to what we appreciate, our judgement cannot stand up. To see and join with this part of them is to free ourself, because judgement is always a two-edged sword that we use to attack others as we attack ourself.

Today, bring someone to mind that you have judgement on. Close your eyes and imagine yourself looking past the person's body, personality, and mistakes to what you appreciate about them. Then, look beyond that to their gifts. Now look even farther, look beyond their gifts to the place inside them where their light shines. Sit before that light a moment and notice that you cannot judge them as you look at the light of their spirit. In seeing this part of them you have freed yourself

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 14.02.2004 at 07:55:09

LOSS IS ALMOST A NEW BEGINNING

Loss comes to clear the decks. It teaches us that what we were attached to could not really sustain us. Loss is the first step to a new beginning. If we do not finish our mourning, hold on to the past, or go into depressions so as not to move forward, then we do not have our new beginning. We do not see the dawn coming up after the dark if we resist the night. We are being asked to grow, mature, and move on so we can birth a new life for ourself.

Today, recognise that all your losses were really about new beginnings. Be willing to let go of all these losses so the new birth shows itself. Now the next good thing can come to you.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 15.02.2004 at 14:14:37

THERE IS NO PAIN MY LOVE COULD NOT HEAL

Our love has the power to join, the power to support, and the power to heal the world. Every problem is the result of some form of separation, but our love can build a bridge and join us with that person. Our love can fill that emptiness, because behind our love is the power of the universe and the power of miracles. As we give our love to everyone, the world around us is healed.

Today, you can make a difference. Someone is specifically calling for your help. Who is it? You do not have to be with or talk to them directly. Visualise them in front of you and pour your love into them. Fill them with your love. See them happy, healed, and whole. Even if you speak no words of love, the love of the Universe will pour through you to your friend who is in need.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 03.03.2004 at 13:53:14

IF I DON'T FEEL, I DIE

Without feeling, we cannot feel alive, we cannot feel joy, we cannot feel enough to know that we are in pain, and need to change what we are doing. Most of all, our feelings help us to find what is meaningful. Meaning goes along with feeling. It gives us direction and purpose. When we are fulfilling our purpose, when we are living out of true meaning, we are living Heaven's meaning, not all of the useless little jobs we make for ourself. In this, we find a state of joy, love, and creativity. It is important to feel as much as we can so we can expand ourself, because if we do not feel, we die. What feels painful is there as our barometer, indicating the need to change some choice we made in our life. What is negative can be felt and let go of.

Today is a day to give up being one of God's frozen people. Allow yourself to really feel. Allow your feelings to direct you to all the states of love, joy, fun, and happiness. If there is a bad feeling, feel it until it is gone, or make the change necessary. Really allow yourself to feel good today. Learn how to say, "Aaaaaah!"

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by sinjeoka on 03.03.2004 at 13:55:37

torej..koga ne sme boleti .. tistega, ki ljubi ali tistega, ki je ljubljen?

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by DaBi on 03.03.2004 at 13:59:58

If it hurts, it's not love

..nobenega.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 03.03.2004 at 14:12:45

Devi wrote on 03.03.2004 at 13:53:14:

IF I DON'T FEEL, I DIE

tnx, Devi :)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Lilith on 03.03.2004 at 14:13:50

Jaz tudi prav ne razumem naslova tega topica. A potem gre tukaj za neko vzročno-posledično ali pa korelativno povezavo, kjer pojem ljubezni izključuje vsako bolečino, ali kako?

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by sinjeoka on 03.03.2004 at 14:14:27

wrote on 03.03.2004 at 13:59:58:

If it hurts, it's not love

..nobenega.

kaj pa če je nesrečna?

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 04.03.2004 at 09:01:40

Lilith wrote on 03.03.2004 at 14:13:50:

Jaz tudi prav ne razumem naslova tega topica. A potem gre tukaj za neko vzročno-posledično ali pa korelativno povezavo, kjer pojem ljubezni izključuje vsako bolečino, ali kako?

Bi predlagala branje knjižice Zavedanje, Anthonyja de Mella :)

http://www.gape.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?board=knjige_filmi;action=display;num=1077872142

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by sinjeoka on 04.03.2004 at 11:00:13

Nekaj o duši dvojčici...

meni se tole zdi zgolj eno veliko nalaganje .. duša dvojčica mene asociira na enojajčne dvojčke, ki so si podobni kot jace jajcu ... toda, če pogledam enojajčne dvojčke, ki jih jaz poznam, so si po duši totalka različni. Da sploh ne pomislim še na tiste, ki sploh niso enojajčni dvojčki (like moja mami in še nekaj članov naše širše familije).

Pa naj bo .. recimo, da obstaja še ena taka dušica, ki je čisto podobna moji ... ma bog ne daj, da jo kdaj srečam ... bi me bilo kar strah videt sebe v drugem, iste misli, občutki, istočasni upsand downs ... skratka vse isto .... a ni to dolgčas?

Idejo o duši dvojčici sem prvič zasledila cca. 10 let nazaj, ko je moja mami začela hodit k enemu zdravilcu... coliral je full, koristi pa od njega ni bilo nobene... in pol je kar na enkrat začel glupit o duši dvojčici in 1x je pripeljal predstavit na neko seanso "svojo dušo dvojčico".. bilo je dekle, staro 16 let in full srčkano ... on pa star, povožen, zgubljen, zaluzeriran dec ... v glavnem da dol padeš... takih duš dvojčic namreč lahko srečam na tone ... zgodba med tema dvema dušama dvojčicama je pa v bistvu taka...

Mama od dekleta je hodila k temu zdravilcu na kao bioenergetske zdravilne seanse. Pa je 1x pripeljala tudi svojo hči, ker je bilo nekaj narobe... In pol je tipson tolk časa moril njeni mami, manipuliral...da je ženska trapa začela verjet, da je pa ta zdravilec res od boga dan njeni hčeri....no na koncu sta se poročila in imata zdajle 2 otroka... kako pa jima gre v zakonu pa ne vem...

Točno zaradi tega happeninga imam do plačljive duhovnosti, ne samo odpor, ampak sem do njega čist odkrito sovražna .. pa naj bo to za prispevke RKC ali pa kaj drugega .. je isti šit...bogatenje na račun bede in stiske sočloveka
in zato mi vsaka omemba duš dvojčic dobesedno obrne želodec

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Lilith on 04.03.2004 at 11:23:28

sinjeoka wrote on 04.03.2004 at 11:00:13:

in zato mi vsaka omemba duš dvojčic dobesedno obrne želodec

Ti pa želim in te hkrati prosim, da nikar ne dopusti, da ti en tak packon okuži tvoj odnos do nečesa tako lepega in svetega, kakor je obstoj duše dvojčice. :)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 04.03.2004 at 12:28:31

sinjeoka wrote on 04.03.2004 at 11:00:13:

Nekaj o duši dvojčici...

da nisi topic falila?

pa tvoja predstava kaj je duša dvojčica je tud bolj kot ne tvoja ... moji ni niti malo blizu :)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Lilith on 04.03.2004 at 21:00:41

m wrote on 04.03.2004 at 09:01:40:

Bi predlagala branje knjižice Zavedanje, Anthonyja de Mella :)

Knjižica že davno prebrana, pa sedaj ti odlomki tudi...
Samo - če mi le link tle obesiš, še vedno ne vem, kaj hočeš povedati.
Lahko pa domnevam, da npr. gre za en univerzalen način ljubezni, kjer se osvobodiš vseh pričakovanj, zato te nič ne boli. Nekaj takega... Je to to?

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 05.03.2004 at 09:13:47

Lilith wrote on 04.03.2004 at 21:00:41:

Ja sej če si jo prebrala - tam not vse piše, tako jaz občutim zadeve. :)

Mogoče ne pišem tolko iz sebe, ker se mi zdi, da sem že vse povedala, pa itak v zadnjem času svoje filinge in razmišljanja težko spravim v eno razumljivo obliko. :) Ja, gre za tisto končno točko, ko bo samo še ljubezen in nobenih bolečin, ko bomo ozdravili vse svoje rane...

Title: RULES COVER GUILT
Post by Kali on 13.03.2004 at 16:06:36

Every rule we have covers our guilt. If we did not have the guilt, there would be no need to make rules. We would be flexible and responsive in that area. The reason we made a rule in the first place is that, at some point, we believe we made a big mistake, and to never make that mistake again, we set a rule for others and ourself. Many times the rule later becomes the problem and stands in the way of our responsiveness, and of our ability to consider what is needed in present circumstances. Of course, that is exactly what guilt does; it keeps us unresponsive. Guilt keeps us acting in the same old ritualised manner.

Today, take a look at the areas where you are rigid in your relationship. These are the areas where you feel, "It has to be this way for me." Realise that hidden under each of your rules is a sense of guilt. Be willing to let go of the rule and the guilt.

Title: TO BE MYSELF IS TO BE A STAR
Post by Kali on 14.03.2004 at 14:29:15

A star is a person who shines so brightly, who gives their gifts so fully, who loves so completely that everyone is drawn by the light of this star to find the way home. For us to truly know ourself is to know that we are a star. For us to truly be ourself is to recognise the genius in us, and to know what a gift we are to everyone around us. Stars may do very quiet things, but they shine an intense love-light that burns through the darkness.

Today, recognise yourself as a star, and allow anything that stops you from shining to fall away. Choose to forgive, or let go of any grievance or judgement that allows you control over yourself, others, or the situation. Choose not to use anyone or anything to hold yourself back. Choose to utterly and completely love. Nothing else will satisfy you. Nothing else is worthy of you.

Title: COMMITMENT OPENS ME TO RECEIVING
Post by Kali on 16.03.2004 at 23:30:29

Our commitment is our choice to fully give ourself as much as we possibly can. Giving and receiving are naturally tied together; the more we move into commitment, the more we give to something and the more we receive from it. The more we give to our partner, the more we recognise our partner's beauty, their gifts, and how great they are. Giving to them is what allows us to have the eyes of love that can truly see how wonderful they are. It is our commitment, our giving, our love, that determines how great they are. How significant a situation is for us depends on how much we have given ourself to it, how committed we are. The extent we are receiving is directly related to our level of commitment in our relationship. Any situation where we have gone beyond ourself and exceeded what we have known ourself to be, moves us into an altered state of consciousness. By giving that much, we are open to receiving great gifts of joy and ecstasy. The greater our commitment and giving, the more we can receive.

Today, look at a situation where you wish you were receiving more. Explore how you could give yourself more fully and choose to do so. Sacrifice does not count. Remember, sacrifice is counterfeit commitment. Making the choice to give of yourself allows you to enjoy the situation more. The more you give, the more you enjoy yourself, and the more you receive. Commitment is a choice for giving.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 07.04.2004 at 09:07:25

BUSYNESS TRAPS ME IN WHAT IS VALUELESS

We live in busy times. Even though technology is here to save us time, somehow the projects we undertake - business, hobbies and activities we engage in, and the events that we go to - all seem to proliferate. The more technology we gain, the busier we seem to become. Many times this busyness can take over our relationships. We move from one activity to another and do not take the time just to enjoy our partner, to receive and experience who they are. In the midst of all this busyness, we could take the time to realise what has value for us, what it is that will last us for all eternity versus just a flash in the pan.

Today, look at what busyness you have been using to distract yourself from spending time with your partner. You may be doing things together, but you may not be coming together. Be willing to realise that your busyness and your valuelessness may be distracting you from building up your heart, from building up meaning in your life. Think of yourself twenty years from now. What will this activity have meant then? Think of your last day of life. Would this activity have had importance compared with spending time with your beloved? Be willing to let go of the extraneous busyness and to value what is truly valuable.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 14.04.2004 at 09:12:45

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 14.04.2004 at 10:35:36

m wrote on 14.04.2004 at 09:12:45:

I AM ALWAYS IN THE PERFECT PLACE TO LEARN THE LESSON I MOST NEED TO LEARN

Today, take time to realise that you are in a perfect place for the lessons that you are learning, for the healing that you are doing, and for the growth that you are ready to make at this point in your life.

EVERY TRAUMA OFFERS A CHOICE

Most of us have had traumatic things happen to us. At the time of a trauma, we have a choice as to what the experience will become for us. Either we choose for this experience to become the thing that wounds us so mortally that it eventually kills us because we never get over it, or we choose for it to become the grain of sand around which we produce a great pearl. A gift is hidden in every trauma, but it takes a deeper vision to see it. In terms of the healing that needs to be done, everything works for the very best. If we look at our past traumas with new eyes, we see the gifts they offer. If we do not receive the gift from the trauma, the trauma, itself, will become part of our defences, part of the character armour we use to keep pain away from us. Our willingness to see the gift allows us to take down the armour. It lets the energy flow that can then be used for our health, vitality, happiness and fun.

Today, imagine that you are taking one of the traumas you have had and are putting it in the Hands of God. As you do so, a gift comes to you from the Heavens. Feel the gift really coming into you. Accept this gift, this peace, this new understanding, and, where you had closed down, you will feel your whole life growing again.

Title: WHAT I FIGHT AGAINST, I BECOME
Post by Kali on 23.04.2004 at 23:40:47

The more we fight against something, the more we take on the qualities of whatever we are fighting against. At some level, a rebel always harbours a tyrant within. In our personality, when the rebel knocks off the tyrant who has been running us, the rebel becomes the leader. Unfortunately, given time, the rebel within will manifest traits similar to those of the tyrant. Everything we resist persists because we reinforce and empower whatever we fight against.

Today, see what you are fighting against, particularly a quality within you. Close your eyes and allow yourself to drift back to that place in your life where you believed, before you hid it away, that you had the same quality. Naturally, in believing something about yourself that you hid away, you will create someone in your life to act out the particular quality. The more you fight against it, the more this particular quality will come to the fore in your life. Go back to that part of you that you hid away. Take it in your arms, reassure and accept it. Understand what a difficult situation that part of you was in. As you foster that part, you will find that it will begin to grow until it reaches your present age and naturally melt into you. You will find that this resistance or fight that has been outside you just disappears.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 04.05.2004 at 09:13:36

m wrote on 07.04.2004 at 09:07:25:

spet isti ::)

Title: IF I DON'T FEEL, I DIE
Post by Kali on 28.07.2004 at 11:26:29

Without feeling, we cannot feel alive, we cannot feel joy, we cannot feel enough to know that we are in pain, and need to change what we are doing. Most of all, our feelings help us to find what is meaningful. Meaning goes along with feeling. It gives us direction and purpose. When we are fulfilling our purpose, when we are living out of true meaning, we are living Heaven's meaning, not all of the useless little jobs we make for ourself. In this, we find a state of joy, love, and creativity. It is important to feel as much as we can so we can expand ourself, because if we do not feel, we die. What feels painful is there as our barometer, indicating the need to change some choice we made in our life. What is negative can be felt and let go of.

Today is a day to give up being one of God's frozen people. Allow yourself to really feel. Allow your feelings to direct you to all the states of love, joy, fun, and happiness. If there is a bad feeling, feel it until it is gone, or make the change necessary. Really allow yourself to feel good today. Learn how to say, "Aaaaaah!"

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 03.08.2004 at 08:28:06

IF I DON'T HAVE SOMETHING IN MY LIFE, IT IS BECAUSE I AM GETTING REVENGE

All of us complain about what is missing in our lives, what we don't have or what we would like more of. Our willingness to take a deeper look at why we do not have this thing would bring us our answer. The answer is that we are getting revenge on someone. It is always true that we are getting revenge on ourself, but that is not the whole answer. Revenge is always about getting back at someone beside ourself. As we are willing to let go of our power struggle with this person, we are no longer robbed of our present happiness.

Today, it is time to stop getting revenge and let yourself receive. Ask yourself, "By not having this thing, who is it I'm getting revenge on? Who is it I am getting back at?" Close your eyes, and imagine this person standing in front of you. Is the power struggle worth more than what it is you want? Be willing to forgive them for whatever wrong you perceived them doing. Now, give to them the very thing you want. As you do, you will feel yourself receiving and being filled with the same thing.

:hm :o :o :o

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 16.08.2004 at 12:45:11

KEEP TELLING THE TRUTH UNTIL EVERYONE WINS

Truth is not a weapon with which to bludgeon the people around us. Truth allows everyone to win. Truth is the integration of all perspectives in the present situation. When all perspectives are added, everyone is motivated to move forward. What always hurts in a situation is that people have not told enough of the truth to come to full understanding and resolution. Unless everyone wins around us, it is not the final truth.

Today, keep communicating until everyone feels as if they have won. Do not stop at compromise, because then you will feel as if you are in sacrifice, and then everyone will feel as if they are losing. Keep communicating until everything is resolved. The truth means everybody wins.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 24.08.2004 at 16:37:49

THE TRUTH ALWAYS HELPS

If we are in a dead or conflicted situation, and do not know what could help, we can try the truth! The truth moves us forward by pulling us out of withdrawal because it is a form of giving. Truth is not just unloading on your partner, it is sharing the deeper feelings we have around the situation. The truth is vital because it sets us free.

Today, get yourself out of prison. What truth are you not telling? What truth are you holding back from your partner or the situation around you? Go tell the truth.

:)

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 25.08.2004 at 10:21:13

WHEN I OPT FOR INDEPENDENCE, I THROW AWAY PASSION

There are two types of passion. One type comes from urgency, the other from giving ourself totally. When we opt for independence, we are opting to move away from our needs and away from the sense of urgency, but we still have not come to the point of giving ourself one hundred percent. Dissociating from our needs and our pain means we have unfinished business with things we are unwilling to look at within ourself. These places of unexamined pain hold us back from giving ourself fully.

Today is a day to find your passion again. Recognise your needs, give up your defensive independence, and give yourself one hundred percent to your partner, your life, and your work. Give yourself in spite of whatever holds you back. As you give yourself fully, moving through the painful feelings, you emerge with a new sense of love, power, and passion.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 27.08.2004 at 15:44:34

TO ANALYSE A PROBLEM IS TO RESIST THE SOLUTION

The answer to every problem comes at the moment the problem began. We actually do not have to waste any time finding the solution to a problem. We just require the courage to accept the answer. Analysing a problem is resisting the solution because to analyse is to break up the whole into the little pieces by thinking we will find the answer there. "Analyse" is really "anal lies," while "rationalise" is really a form of "rational lies" because thinking always happens after the fact. The solution comes through our intuition, through inspiration. Most of the great inventions were discovered in a state of reverie, a state where answers just pop in. The answer to any problem can just pop into our mind. When we stop thinking about the problem, we allow ourself to receive the answer.

Today, take the time to allow yourself to sit quietly. If the answer to your problem has not popped into your mind in the first ten minutes, allow yourself to sit there and observe every thought that comes up - things you have to do, sexual fantasies, anything. To each of these thoughts, say, "This thought reflects a goal that's keeping me from my answer." After you say that, the thought will fall away. Then, at the end of ten or fifteen minutes of doing this, state, "Now let the answer be given to me." Your willingness to receive the answer will clear the clutter of all your thoughts. Your willingness to receive the answer is the only thing between you and the solution.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Kali on 08.10.2004 at 12:45:03

Why is love so painful?

Osho:

Love is painful because it creates the way for bliss. Love is painful because it transforms; love is mutation. Each transformation is going to be painful because the old has to be left for the new. The old is familiar, secure, safe, the new is absolutely unknown. You will be moving in an uncharted ocean. You cannot use your mind with the new; with the old, the mind is skillful. The mind can function only with the old; with the new, the mind is utterly useless.

Hence, fear arises, and leaving the old, comfortable, safe world, the world of convenience, pain arises. It is the same pain that the child feels when he comes out of the womb of the mother. It is the same pain that the bird feels when he comes out of the egg. It is the same pain that the bird will feel when he will try for the first time to be on the wing.

The fear of the unknown, and the security of the known, the insecurity of the unknown, the unpredictability of the unknown, makes one very much frightened.

And because the transformation is going to be from the self towards a state of no-self, agony is very deep. But you Cannot have ecstasy without going through agony. If the gold wants to be purified, it has to pass through fire.

Love is fire.

It is because of the pain of love, millions of people live a loveless life. They too suffer, and their suffering is futile. To suffer in love is not to suffer in vain. To suffer in love is creative; it takes you to higher levels of consciousness. To suffer without love is utterly a waste; it leads you nowhere, it keeps you moving in the same vicious circle.

The man who is without love is narcissistic, he is closed. He knows only himself. And how much can he know himself if he has not known the other, because only the other can function as a mirror? You will never know yourself without knowing the other. Love is very fundamental for self-knowledge too. The person who has not known the other in deep love, in intense passion, in utter ecstasy, will not be able to know who he is, because he will not have the mirror to see his own reflection.

Relationship is a mirror, and the purer the love is, the higher the love is, the better the mirror, the cleaner the mirror. But the higher love needs that you should be open. The higher love needs you to be vulnerable. You have to drop your armor; that is painful. You have not to be constantly on guard. You have to drop the calculating mind. You have to risk. You have to live dangerously. The other can hurt you; that is the fear in being vulnerable. The other can reject you; that is the fear in being in love.

The reflection that you will find in the other of your own self may be ugly; that is the anxiety. Avoid the mirror. But by avoiding the mirror you are not going to become beautiful. By avoiding the situation you are not going to grow either. The challenge has to be taken.

One has to go into love. That is the first step towards God, and it cannot be bypassed. Those who try to bypass the step of love will never reach God. That is absolutely necessary because you become aware of your totality only when you are provoked by the presence of the other, when your presence is enhanced by the presence of the other, when you are brought out of your narcissistic, closed world under the open sky.

Love is an open sky. To be in love is to be on the wing. But certainly, the unbounded sky creates fear.

And to drop the ego is very painful because we have been taught to cultivate the ego. We think the ego is our only treasure. We have been protecting it, we have been decorating it, we have been continuously polishing it, and when love knocks on the door, all that is needed to fall in love is to put aside the ego; certainly it is painful. It is your whole life's work, it is all that you have created -- this ugly ego, this idea that "I am separate from existence. "

This idea is ugly because it is untrue. This idea is illusory, but our society exists, is based on this idea that each person is a person, not a presence.

The truth is that there is no person at all in the world; there is only presence. You are not -- not as an ego, separate from the whole. You are part of the whole. The whole penetrates you, the whole breathes in you, pulsates in you, the whole is your life.

Love gives you the first experience of being in tune with something that is not your ego. Love gives you the first lesson that you can fall into harmony with someone who has never been part of your ego. If you can be in harmony with a woman, if you can be in harmony with a friend, with a man, if you can be in harmony with your child or with your mother, why can't you be in harmony with all human beings? And if to be in harmony with a single person gives such joy, what will be the outcome if you are in harmony with all human beings? And if you can be in harmony with all human beings, why can't you be in harmony with animals and birds and trees? Then one step leads to another.

Love is a ladder. It starts with one person, it ends with the totality. Love is the beginning, God is the end. To be afraid of love, to be afraid of the growing pains of love, is to remain enclosed in a dark cell.

Modern man is living in a dark cell; it is narcissistic. Narcissism is the greatest obsession of the modern mind.

And then there are problems, problems which are meaningless. There are problems which are creative because they lead you to higher awareness. There are problems which lead you nowhere; they simply keep you tethered, they simply keep you in your old mess.

Love creates problems. You can avoid those problems by avoiding love. But those are very essential problems! They have to be faced, encountered; they have to be lived and gone through and gone beyond. And to go beyond, the way is through. Love is the only real thing worth doing. All else is secondary. If it helps love, it is good. All else is just a means, love is the end. So whatsoever the pain, go into love.

If you don't go into love, as many people have decided, then you are stuck with yourself. Then your life is not a pilgrimage, then your life is not a river going to the ocean; your life is a stagnant pool, dirty, and soon there will be nothing but dirt and mud. To keep clean, one needs to keep flowing. A river remains clean because it goes on flowing. Flow is the process of remaining continuously virgin.

A lover remains a virgin. All lovers are virgin. The people who don't love cannot remain virgin; they become dormant, stagnant; they start stinking sooner or later -- and sooner than later -- because they have nowhere to go. Their life is dead.

That's where modern man finds himself, and because of this, all kinds of neuroses, all kinds of madnesses, have become rampant. Psychological illness has taken epidemic proportions. It is no more that a few individuals are psychologically ill; the reality is the whole earth has become a madhouse. The whole of humanity is suffering from a kind of neurosis.

And that neurosis is coming from your narcissistic stagnancy. Everyone is stuck with one's own illusion of having a separate self; then people go mad. And this madness is meaningless, unproductive, uncreative. Or people start committing suicide. Those suicides are also unproductive, uncreative.

You may not commit suicide by taking poison or jumping from a cliff or by shooting yourself, but you can commit a suicide which is a very slow process, and that's what happens. Very few people commit suicide suddenly. Others have decided for a slow suicide; gradually, slowly, slowly they die. But almost, the tendency to be suicidal has become universal.

This is no way to live, and the reason, the fundamental reason, is we have forgotten the language of love. We are no more courageous enough to go into that adventure called love.

Hence people are interested in sex, because sex is not risky. It is momentary, you don't get involved. Love is involvement; it is commitment. It is not momentary. Once it takes roots, it can be forever. It can be a lifelong involvement. Love needs intimacy, and only when you are intimate does the other become a mirror. When you meet sexually with a woman or a man, you have not met at all; in fact, you avoided the soul of the other person. You just used the body and escaped, and the other used your body and escaped. You never became intimate enough to reveal each other's original faces.

Love is the greatest Zen koan.

It is painful, but don't avoid it. If you avoid it you have avoided the greatest opportunity to grow. Go into it, suffer love, because through the suffering comes great ecstasy. Yes, there is agony, but out of the agony, ecstasy is born. Yes, you will have to die as an ego, but if you can die as an ego, you will be born as God, as a Buddha. And love will give you the first tongue-tip-taste of Tao, of Sufism, of Zen. Love will give you the first proof that God is, that life is not meaningless.

The people who say life is meaningless are the people who have not known love. All that they are saying is that their life has missed love.

Let there be pain, let there be suffering. Go through the dark night, and you will reach to a beautiful sunrise. It is only in the womb of the dark night that the sun evolves. It is only through the dark night that the morning comes.

My whole approach here is that of love. I teach only love and only love and nothing else. You can forget about God; that is just an empty word. You can forget about prayers because they are only rituals imposed by others on you. Love is the natural prayer, not imposed by anybody. You are born with it. Love is the true God -- not the God of theologians, but the God of Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, the God of the Sufis. Love is a tariqa, a method, to kill you as a separate individual and to help you become the infinite. Disappear as a dewdrop and become the ocean, but you will have to pass through the door of love.

And certainly when one starts disappearing like a dewdrop, and one has lived long as a dewdrop, it hurts, because one has been thinking, "I am this, and now this is going. I am dying. " You are not dying, but only an illusion is dying. You have become identified with the illusion, true, but the illusion is still an illusion. And only when the illusion is gone will you be able to see who you are. And that revelation brings you to the ultimate peak of joy, bliss, celebration.

Osho, The Secret, chapter 2

http://www.osho-holics.com/osho/askosho11.htm

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 17.11.2004 at 10:06:52

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 14.12.2004 at 09:34:51

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Devi on 28.12.2004 at 09:29:22

ALL PROBLEMS ARE THE RESULT OF AMNESIA

Happiness, healing, and forgiveness are all about remembering who we truly are and what we have come here to do. As we join with other people, we begin to see no separation, judgement, or fear between us, we remember ourself and our oneness. Amnesia means that we have forgotten who we are as a child of God, which is the very thing that would fulfil us and make us happy; we are all amnesiacs. We are the spiritual prince and princess of a kingdom we left long ago. We have forgotten that we have a rich Father. As we remember who we are and what we have come to do, we find the peace that is full of empowerment, the peace that heals. We know everything is coming our way, that all things work for us, and that God is always looking out for us, loving us, and taking care of everything.

Today, it is time for remembering. Close your eyes, and go to the deepest part of yourself. Remember who you are and what you have come to do. Remember the kingdom you left so long ago that still awaits you. Remember that you are the light, the light is your ally. You serve the truth and you have come to touch the world. Remember the legacy and all the joy that belongs to you.

Title: ANY BEHAVIOUR THAT IS NOT LOVE IS A CALL FOR LOVE
Post by Kali on 28.12.2004 at 20:09:02

Be aware of all of the different behaviours that the people around you are acting out. Which ones are loving? Which are not? The behaviours that are not loving are really a call for love. If there is an attack on us specifically, it is a call for our love. Our willingness to respond to that behaviour, not by defending ourself, but by moving toward the attacker and giving to them, will win an ally. This person who was attacking, will be very loyal to us in the future, both in good and hard times. Right now, however, they need our love. Some people are caught in deadness, and others are caught in attack. We are being asked to remember what it's like to be in need and the cries we have made for help when we could not even speak the words. In the same way, those who are attacking us are also crying for help, asking for our love. If we look around we will see to whom we are called to respond, who we are called to move toward, and who we are called to help.

Today, think of the person who is attacking you the most in your life. Imagine them here with you and that you are moving toward them responsively, realising that their attack is the call for your specific help. What is the help that they need from you? How is it that you can assist them? See how you are inspired to respond to them. Are you inspired to call them? To write them? To give something to them? To talk to them? In assisting them, you will find that these are the very people who have answers for you, if not now, in the future. If it is not in some direct way, it will be as a reflection of the part of your mind they represent, so that in helping them, you help yourself.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 03.01.2005 at 15:20:48

EXPECTATIONS GIVE ME NO REST

Then again, there are some perfectionists that never try at all. We think that if we cannot do it perfectly, why even begin? Even if we do nothing at all, in our mind, we are still under so much stress and pressure that we still do not have any rest within ourself.

Today, let yourself come to reward. Allow yourself the rest that would give a much higher perspective and the celebration that would motivate you to move to the next level. Let go of all your expectations, and find the ease of life carrying you forward.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 08.04.2005 at 15:36:28

IF IT HURTS IT ISN'T LOVE

In spite of what all the songs, books and movies tell us, if it hurts, it is not love. Only our needs hurt; only not getting what we want hurts. Love cannot hurt because it is a feeling of contact that brings joy. When we shrink, contract, or pull away, that is what hurts. When we do not get our needs met, it hurts. When something in a relationship brings up our old pain, we hurt. Love does not hurt us, it expands us. Sometimes when our heart expands, it can feel a bit like hurt, but it is poignancy - the richness of our heart growing in love and appreciation. Poignancy is your heart beginning to dance again after having been crippled a long time. There is a real sweetness to this feeling as our heart expands with love.

Today, look at the situations where you have tried to measure your love by your hurt. Where have you disguised your needs as love and, then, tried to get the other person to respond in a similar manner? Be willing to let go of these needs so you can move forward and make contact with your partner, not as you want them to be, but as they really are.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 08.04.2005 at 16:18:59

THE LONGER I HOLD ON, THE MORE I LOSE

The longer we hold on, the more we lose. It is really important to know when to let go of our attachments, and allow for a new birth. In any relationship, the more we hold on, the more we lose our attractiveness and, thus, become a burden on our partner. If we are willing to let go of everything we think should be, the relationship can reach a new level of partnership. We may have to let go totally, because if there is any possibility for the relationship to move forward, it will only do so through our willingness to let go.

Today, take a look around and see what you are holding on to. Is it a person, an old lover, or someone who's died? Is it a project? When you let go, look for something outside you to show you which way to move. Just let it go, and see what comes to you; be patient, it may take a few days. Remember, even if the person comes back to you, let them go at every turn so your non-attachment allows the relationship to keep unfolding and your attractiveness to keep growing.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by gogip on 08.04.2005 at 19:05:54

THE PERSON I LIKE THE LEAST IS SHOWING ME WHAT IS HOLDING ME BACK

The person we like the least is showing us what is holding us back. This person is called a shadow figure. They embody the shadow side of ourself - what we have hidden away and repressed in ourself. As long as we keep it repressed, people who embody these same qualities will tend to come at us in our life. The way through is to look beyond our repulsion and remember that these individuals are there to let us know about the invisible block that has been holding back our progress. When our experience is one of working very hard, but making very little movement forward, the situation is the result of a belief we have about ourself, a quality we hate about ourself. We buried the quality and, then, projected it onto someone else, which completely blocks us by setting up an invisible shield to our progress. When there is a shadow figure around us, or when we have projected a certain quality that we just cannot stand onto our partner, this quality drags behind us like an invisible anchor and holds us back.

Today, ask for self-forgiveness. Ask for a feeling of innocence and resolution for both of you. Your willingness to have your Higher Power handle the needed forgiveness with this person releases the invisible block in your life and allows you to move forward at this very moment.

:-[

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 11.04.2005 at 12:41:33

YOU CAN'T GET BLOOD FROM A ROCK

When rocks and swamps get into a power struggle, it is not a pretty sight. Rocks get even more rocklike and pretend it does not matter. They stonewall their partner, holding all of their feelings inside them, except when threatening to explode like a volcano. Swamps get more swampy, more needy.

If things polarise into a huge power struggle, swamps will become vampires, turning every little thing into an issue about themselves. They try to suck any emotion, attention, love, or any kind of energy at all out of the rock. The rock, of course, counters by becoming even more rocklike, developing a "you can't get blood from a rock" attitude toward the vampire. Typically, as children, rocks were sucked dry by one of their parents, so now they have a natural defence against vampires. When the power struggle in relationship has really got out of hand, when swamps become vampires, rocks tend to withdraw, hide, and disappear.

Today, ask for Heaven's help to heal this power struggle. Imagine yourself as a child, and forgive the parent who was rocklike and did not seem to care for your needs, or the parent who was a vampire and tried to suck you dry. As a rock, ask for Heaven's help to have all the energy of Heaven pour through you to fill your partner. As the swamp, ask for Heaven's help to truly give to your partner. The acid test of true giving is to notice whether the rock moves away from you or closes down. If they do, somehow, you have been giving to take. Just ask for Heaven's help so that you can find within you the energy necessary to truly give to your partner.

Editor's Note: "Rock" and "swamp" are terms used by Dr. Spezzano to describe two completely different styles of communication in relationship.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 12.04.2005 at 09:46:34

IN ANY CONFLICT, BOTH PEOPLE ARE FEELING THE SAME THING

In any conflict, people act out opposite behaviours, but underneath their behaviour, they are feeling the same thing. For instance, one person may be a spendthrift and the other a miser. Both people are feeling the same sense of scarcity, the fear that there is not enough. The spendthrift compensates for this feeling by spending excessively to get over this fear. The miser on the other hand, pinches pennies to protect against the feeling of scarcity.

In any power struggle both people are trying to protect themselves against the same feeling. If we are in touch with our feelings, we can then be in touch with the feeling underneath our partner's behaviour. Our willingness to begin communicating about this feeling allows us to find a common place, a beginning of something that we share. This is the beginning of healing, because once we find an area of common connection, we are on our way to moving forward together.

Today, choose a person with whom you are in conflict, and ask yourself, "What is the feeling underneath my behaviour?" Now take a look at their behaviour and see if their feeling fits with yours. Naturally, when you are at the most essential feeling, you find that it fits exactly. If you come to a feeling of anger, realise anger is a defence that protects an even deeper feeling. Whatever your deeper feeling, be willing to begin the communication by sharing your feelings with the purpose of moving ahead. For instance, you could start off by saying, "I'm feeling this feeling, are you feeling it too?"

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 12.04.2005 at 16:20:10

THE LESS I DEFEND MYSELF, THE SAFER I AM

Every defence creates attack. The more defensive we are, the more we create attack coming at us. Our defences are there to protect buried pain, but buried pain poisons us. When we are attacked and are not afraid to feel the feelings that come up because of it, the attack helps bring about our healing. The greater majority of this pain is from the past, and the attack has brought these poisons into our awareness. When we are attacked, the extent to which we stand undefended is the extent to which we will eventually succeed. The truth does not need defending; only our ego, the hider of all pain and the essence of separation, needs defence. Openness is the heart of communication. It is the ability to give and be ourself without an excuse. As we remain undefended, we find another gift is also being given to us - the support of those around us.

Today, as best you can, stand undefended to everything that moves toward you. Everything that comes to you serves as your teacher. Your openness allows these teachings to be brought to you in the most gentle way possible.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by kraguljcek on 13.04.2005 at 07:47:02

We all want to fall in love.
Why?
Because that experience
makes us feel completely alive.
Where every sense
is heightened,
every emotion
is magnified,
our everyday reality
is shattered
and we are flying
into the heavens.
It may only last
a moment, an hour,
an afternoon.
But that doesn't
diminish its value.
Because we are
left with memories
that we treasure
for the rest
of our lives.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by m on 15.04.2005 at 11:14:54

The Greatest Art is the Art of Being Myself

Being ourself naturally proceeds from living our purpose rather than living for approval. Our purpose is what we, of all the people in the world, can do the best. If we do not do it, if we are not true to ourself, who will be? Who can be? If we do not do what it is we have come to do, no one can do it. It is left undone until we are willing to give our part, until we are willing to be ourself. Most people are frightened of their own purpose and the greatness that it seems to call from them. In being frightened of our purpose, we are frightened of our own love, passion, and happiness. Most of us feel unworthy, or we try to control our good feelings so as not to be overwhelmed. These are just symptoms of fear that lead us away from our truth, our vision and our greatness.

The greatest art, the greatest gift, is to be ourself. Being ourself in all of our grandeur shows how much we love the world. As we unwrap our presence, we give ourself as the best gift that we can give to life.

Today, imagine that you are painting a beautiful masterpiece. This masterpiece is you, the picture of your life. Being you is being the artist with an inspired hand, the paintbrush with true colours, and the painting all at once. The greatest art is to be yourself, so give this Masterpiece of yourself as your gift to life.

Title: Re: If it hurts, it's not love
Post by Mateja B. on 15.04.2005 at 11:23:31

:D
Amen to that. :)

Dodajam še današnjo Sai Babovo misel dneva:

Man is consciousness incarnate. Man is the highest object in creation. Hence, he should not become a creature of instinct like animals. Man should progress from the human to the Divine. It is not the world that binds man. It has neither eyes to see nor hands to grasp. Man is a prisoner of his own thoughts and desires. In his attachment to the ephemeral and the perishable, man forgets his inherent Divinity and does not realize that everything in the universe has come from the Divine and cannot exist without the power of the Divine.