Svet pogovorov
http://www.gape.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl Ideje izpod odeje >> Dogodki, zabava, lepe misli, razno ... >> pametni nasveti http://www.gape.org/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?num=1117708018 Message started by harpija on 02.06.2005 at 12:26:58

Title: pametni nasveti Post by harpija on 02.06.2005 at 12:26:58 PRAVILA USPESNEGA ZAKONA 1. Nezgodno zavaruj vse kuhinjske pripomocke, vkljucno z zeno. 2. Odpovej narocnino na revije Playboy, Moski svet in Avtomagazin. 3. V osebnem notesu zbrisi vse telefonske stevilke vkljucno z imeni, kot npr. , 090 5175 Koketa, 090 5999 Navijacica, 090 3137 Love machine.... 4. V denarnici imej pod sliko zene vedno se telefonske stevilke Odvetnika za hitre locitve in Hallo pizze. 5. Osebno zbirko video kaset, kot npr. Blondinke na dopustu, Pregresne misli, Poigrajmo se same, spravi v sef izven doma. Poleg tega spravi v sef tudivideo kasete na katerih imas posnete vojne filme in najboljse kriminalke, ce noces, da bodo presnete z oddajami kot so Oprah show, Esmeralda in TV prodaja. 6. Planiraj dopust vsakega 15. Januarja in 15. Julija, da bos lahko zeno peljal na razprodaje. 7. Na racunu si povecaj limit vsaj dvakratno. 8. Takoj po poroki se z zeno dogovori o visini zepnine, ki ti pripada. 9. V prid dobrim odnosom s tasco vsaj enkrat letno zamenjaj jogi, da ji s skripanjem vzmetnic, ne bos vzbujal skomin (velja samo za prvo leto zakona, kasneje je dovolj, ce menjas na 10 let). 10. Ce zelis imeti kaj prostega casa, cimprej kupi pomivalni stroj. 11. Ce prides pozno ponoci domov, je najboljsi izgovor: 'Joj draga, ne bos verjela, ampak podrl sem srnico'. Izraz na obrazu naj bo skrusen, da ne bo dvomov o stevilu nog pri srnici. 12. Ko te poklice zena v gostilno (v kolikor bos imel ta privilegij), se pred socustvovanjem prijateljev umakni, saj bodo iz tvojih odgovorov: ' Ja, Ja takoj, Samo se sok spijem',... vedeli, kdo te klice. 13. Vsaj enkrat mesecno pelji zeno na kulturno prireditev. Odsvetujemo oglede go-go plesalk, kot si bil do sedaj navajen, ker zanjo to ni kulturna prireditev. Izjema je moski striptiz. [glb]KLJUB TEMU PAZI: V LJUBEZNI JE KOT PRI SAHU: TUDI KONJ TI LAHKO VZAMEDAMO !!!!!![/glb]

Title: Re: pametni nasveti Post by harpija on 02.06.2005 at 14:30:07 Dnevnik neke ľenske Hurrraaaa, sem dobila vozniąki izpit! Končno bom lahko vozila svoj avto, ne da bi posluąala inątruktorja, ko stalno ponavlja: "Pazi! Prepovedana smer! Pazi peąec!" ...in podobne opazke.Sploh ne vem, kako sem ga sploh prenaąala dve leti... 8.marec Avtoąola je priredila zabavo, ker sem končala. Inątruktorji so bili ganjeni. Eden je rekel , da bo daroval maąo zame.Zdi se mi, da je eden od njih imel solze v očeh in je rekel, da bojo nazdravili meni. Zelo prijazno, ampak mislim, da moje vozniąko le ni toliko pomembno za tako pretiravanje. 12.marec Kupila sem avto! Na ľalost sem morala pustiti avto v salonu, da mi zamenjajo zadnji blatnik, ker sem dala v rikverc namesto v prvo. Ni prakse...komaj en teden vozim. 14.marec In končno moj avto. Tako sem bila zadovoljna, da sem se odločila, da grem malo vozit. Verjetno so imeli tudi drugi isto idejo, ker je bilo za menoj ogromno avtov; trobili so kot nori...verjetno je bila ohcet in sem se jim pridruľila in zniľala hitrost iz 15 na 10 KM na uro.Verjetno jim je ugajalo, saj so začeli ąe bolj trobiti. 22.marec Moji sosedje so super. Naredili so napis "PAZI MANEVER"; dali so mi največji parkirni in so prepovedali otrokom, da se igrajo, ko jaz manevriram. Mislim, da zato, da mi nebi nagajali. ©e so dobri ljudje. 30.marec Drugi vozniki stalno trobijo in mi delajo neke znake. Mislim, da je prijazno, ampak malo nevarno. Neki tip mi je nekaj govoril, a ga nisem razumela, ker nisem naąla gumba, da bi spustila ąipo...kmalu bi zadela peąca. Dobro, da sem vozila z mojo potovalno hitrostjo...15 na uro. 10.april Malo čudni so tej vozniki. Ne samo, da stalno mahajo ampak tudi kričijo stalno. Ne vem kaj hočejo, ker ąe vedno ne najdem gumba za ąipo...morda mi hočejo dati kakąne informacije. Misli, da je tako, ker sem enega sliąala, ko je reku:"Pojdi domov, pojdi!" Neverjetno, kako je vedel, da grem domov. Ko bom naąla gumb za ąipe, mi bo bolj jasno, kaj mi hočejo vsi povedati. 19.april Mesto je slabo osvetljeno. Danes sem ąla prvič ven ponoči in sem morala imeti stalno dolge luči priľgane, da sem kaj vila. Zgleda, da tudi drugi vozniki, ki so vozili nasproti , so se strinjali z mano, saj so tudi oni priľigali dolge luči. Edino kar ne razumem, zakaj so trobil. Morda za ustraąit psa ali mačko...mah, čudaki. 26.april Danes sem imela prometno nesrečo. Zapeljala sem na rotundo (kroľni promet) in ker je bilo mnogo avtov ( ne, da pretiravam, ampak jih je bilo najmanj 4), nisem mogla zapeljati ven. Kroľila sem in iskala priloľnost za izvoz. Od kroľenja se mi je zavrtelo in sem udarila v spomenik na sredini rotunde. Morali bi omejiti voľnjo po rotundi na 1 avto. 3.maj Smola se me drľi in drľi. ©la sem po avto v garaľo in, ko sem peljala na cesto, sem zgreąila pedal in pritisnila gas namesto zavore. Zadela sem mimoidoči avto in mu razbila celo desno stran. Goli slučaj je nanesel, da je to bil moj inątruktor voľnje. Dober človek... brez razmiąljanja. Jaz sem vztrajala, da je moja krivda, toda on je vztrajno ponavljal: "Bog oprosti mi, prosim!...." Bog oprosti mi, prosim!...."

Title: Re: pametni nasveti Post by harpija on 02.06.2005 at 14:54:33 VRSTE SEKSA V resnih (beri: dolgorocnih, trajnih) zvezah obstajajo tri vrste seksa: stanovanjski, prostorski in sobni. 1. faza - stanovanjski seks - traja 1-2 leti. Seksas povsod in vedno. Seksas v postelji, na kavcu, na stolu, na mizi, pod mizo, na tleh, na pralnem stroju (ob centrifugi...), ob vseh mogocih urah, v vseh pozah in po celem stanovanju (in sirse...). 2. faza - prostorski seks - od 3 - 7 let zveze. Seks je omejen na en prostor. vedno v postelji, vedno v spalnici, vedno ena in ista rutina, vedno zvecer... skratka, stvar postane rahlo enolicna prostorski seks! 3. faza - sobni seks - od 7 let naprej (v dolocenih primerih do te faze lahko pride tudi prej!). Zadnja stopnja v razvoju spolnega zivljenja med partnerjema pa izgleda priblizno takole: slucajno gresta eden mimo drugega, ko se srecata na sredini sobe, se pogledata v oci in si mirno receta: jebi se!

Title: Re: pametni nasveti Post by harpija on 03.06.2005 at 12:11:41 Useful Expressions: For HIGH STRESS DAYS! "When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." "Well, this day was a total waste of makeup." "Do they ever shut up on your planet?" "I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one." "I hate everybody. And you're next." "Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen." "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert." "You say I'm a B_ _ _ _ like it's a bad thing." "I'm trying to imagine you with a personality." "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed." "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?" "Is it time for your medication or mine?" "And your crybaby whiny-baby opinion would be...?" Guys have feelings too. But like, who cares?" "Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win." "You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP." "Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it." "I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people." "How can I miss you if you won't go away?" "Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies." ~ Have you ever just had one of those DAYS !!! ~

Title: Re: pametni nasveti Post by harpija on 03.06.2005 at 12:40:43 The Moods of a Woman An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of contradiction, She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle a stranger alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk, At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad, She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad. The Moods of a Man Hungry. Horny. Sleepy.

Title: Re: pametni nasveti Post by t on 21.06.2005 at 11:36:41 Ce ste lani kupili za 1000 evrov delnic Norter Networks, bii danes imeli 59 evrov. Ce ste lani kupili za 1000 evrov delnic Lucent Technologies bi danes imeli 70 evrov. Ce ste lani kupili za 1000 evrov delnic Alcatela bi danes imeli 170 evrov. Ce ste lani kupili za 1000 evrov steklenic piva, jih do danes že vse izpraznili, bi za prazne steklenice dobili 380 evrov. Kam torej investirati? uživajte!

Title: Re: pametni nasveti Post by veronika on 22.06.2005 at 13:41:58 Advice From Men To Women Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one. When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine. Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline. When I ask, 'How many guys have you slept with?' It would be much appreciated if you did not answer honestly. If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at work? The temperature in the cave will be my responsibility. It will be slightly to moderately cooler than you want it. When I'm turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, saying "Oh, this is our exit, Honey" is not really necessary.

Title: Re: pametni nasveti Post by veronika on 15.07.2005 at 15:11:49 I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it I used to have a handle on life - but mine broke. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. I am not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. Out of my mind, back in five minutes. Ever stop to think? and forget to start again? It IS as bad as you think, they ARE out to get you. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. They call it PMS because Mad Cow disease was already taken. The trouble with life is...there's no background music. I don't have to be dead to donate my organ! Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson Computer programmers don't byte, they just nibble a bit. Computer programmers know how to use their hardware. My wild oats have turned to Shredded Wheat.... The meek shall inherit the earth ... after we're through with it... Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Some people are alive, only because it's illegal to kill them. Failure is not an option, it comes bundled with the software. Consciousness - that annoying time between naps... ...and finally... The sex was so good that even the neighbours had a cigarette..

Title: Re: pametni nasveti Post by spark on 06.09.2005 at 00:41:52 enivej sm se odločla, ker je konc poletja, da ne rabm več plavalnga šlaufčka okol pasu in bi se ga blo pametn znebit... no si oblubm da bom delala trebušnake zjutraj in pred spanjem... oblubo mi je ratal spelat-delam trebušnake ob 1-ih zjutraj pred spanjem... če to ni ubijanje 2 muh na 1 mah, kaj je pol ;D ;D ajd grem delat trebušnake http://www.gape.org/sonce/svetpogovorov/vzivo/chat/images/smilies/rofl.gif ma na sm se smajle pozabla not dajat ::)

Title: Re: pametni nasveti Post by David on 06.09.2005 at 08:52:48 ..jaz pa bom še malo počakal, morda mi bo pozimi prišel prav, - plavalni šlaufček   ;)  ;D

Title: Re: pametni nasveti Post by t on 07.10.2005 at 14:13:31 [glb]STANDING ORDERS, ROGERS' RANGERS (1759) from SH 21-76 US Army ranger handbook 1. Don't forget nothing.   2. Have your musket clean as a whistle, hatchet scoured, sixty rounds powder and ball and be ready to march at a minutes warning.   3. When you're on the march act the way you would if you was sneaking up on a deer; see the enemy first.   4. Tell the truth about what you see and what you do. There is an army depending on us for correct information. You can lie all you please when you tell other folks about the rangers, but don't never tell a lie to a Ranger or officer   5. Don't never take a chance you don't have to.   6. When you're on the march, we march single file, far enough apart so one shot can't go through two men.   7. If we strike swamp or soft ground we spread out abreast so it is hard to track us.   8. When we march, we keep moving till dark, so as to give the enemy the least possible chance at us.   9. When we camp, half the party stays awake while the other half sleeps.   10. If we take prisoners we keep them separate till we have we have enough time to examine them so they can't cook up a story between 'em,   11. Don't ever march home the same way, take a different route so you won't be ambushed.   12. No matter whether we travel in big parties or little ones, each party has to keep a scout twenty yards ahead on each flank and twenty yards in the rear, so that the main party can't be surprised and wiped out.   13. Every night you'll be told where to meet if surrounded by a superior force.   14. Don't sit down to eat without posting sentries.   15. Don't sleep beyond dawn. Dawn's when the French and Indians attack.   16. Don't cross a river by a regular ford.   17. If somebody's trailing you, make a circle, come back onto your tracks, and ambush the folks that aim to ambush you.   18. Don't stand up when the enemy's coming against you. Kneel down, lie down, hide behind a tree.   19. Let the enemy come till he's almost close enough to touch. Then let him have it and jump out and finish him up with your hatchet. [/glb] uživajte!

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